Topic: The biggest mistake you made when you just found out?
Member # 30989
| Posted: 9:27 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014|
Assuming Trac-Fone wanted to R. In retrospect, he never said he did; he just said he didn't want to leave.
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke
Posts: 8848 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 23547
| Posted: 9:34 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014|
The biggest mistake I made was not contacting his LTA affair partner. It allowed him to tell me their "story" vs having both sides to piece it all together. She still doesn't know he was married, that bothers me sometimes. The reason why I didn't was because the affair between them had ended and he had moved on to another woman by the time his D-Days happened.
FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)
Posts: 540 | Registered: Apr 2009
Member # 39850
| Posted: 10:21 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014|
I was too willing to trust him. He cried and begged, and I fell for it. The thing that I would tell people new to this is that tears do not mean anything. Words do not mean anything. Even confessions don't mean anything.
I wish that I had walked away right after Dday. I think he needed a wake up call. Maybe if I had been stronger then, we wouldn't be apart now. But I coddled him, and tried to be understanding of his feelings. It was a mistake. He needed to learn things the hard way. I remained understanding until he completely broke me.
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014
Posts: 1211 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 27105
| Posted: 10:45 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014|
Not kicking him out IMMEDIATELY on DDay. It would have saved me a lot of heartache and my sanity from gaslighting, blameshifting, TT etc. that killed my spirit and self esteem.
Posts: 1947 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 30291
| Posted: 10:56 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014|
1. Trusting her and not my gut.
2. Not ending the marriage on D-Day
3. Pleading with her to choose me while she spat her spew
at me and blame shifted for a month.
Separated and filed (7/13)
Posts: 413 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 28156
| Posted: 11:03 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014|
I let fear control me. oW was coworker. I was told she was upper management. I let her bully me because I was shocked that she did bully me and I didn't know how to handle coworker in upper management. It was H 's 25 yr career. He Kept begging me to not get him fired. . Later I learned she was marketing/secretary...... I had her fired. I want to change those months 😞 I was traumatized.
Secondly, the one time my H came to me to confess something , I blew up immediately. I never heard the rest of the story .... He never talked before that and never talked since. He regretted it . I still know nothing
I feel I had no voice, then from months of being suppressed to insanity , I had too much voice. Still do.
I wish I could communicate better while emotions are sky rocketing. Yet I hope for less exposure to it
a trigger yesterday
Posts: 951 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Member # 39906
| Posted: 11:03 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014|
1. I should have fired her right away.
2. I should have kicked him out after he lied the first time.
3. I should have made it safer for him to admit the truth
4. I should have monitored their texts for longer than a week before I confronted him.
Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 41745
| Posted: 11:10 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014|
I hate to admit it but bringing my 6 yr old daughter into it I was so struck with anger and sorrow I told her not to touch him that he didnt love her he only loved himself...that he was a liar and not to believe anything he said...telling her what he did...that is the biggest mistake I wanted her to know what kind of man her father really was and through this instead of hurting WS it traumatized my daughter and I will always regret it...biggest mistake of my whole life! I have since apologized and she is at a point where she way more secure but it was very selfish of me. Second mistake ...when I first left him I didnt leave him long enough I would sleep with my phone praying he would text me in fear of losing him it seems like I was the chaser alot of times and not the chased. I feel I should have had more pride especially after dragging me through the mud in every possible way a woman's pride can be dragged through. I should have been meaner and scared him longer
"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul
Posts: 213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
Member # 34298
| Posted: 11:22 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014|
So many mistakes. Hard to say what my biggest was. Not believing my own l ears, eyes, gut and heart. He told me he wanted me to leave. I left and two days later he asked me to come home. I should have stayed away and filed.
It's been two years and I'm still in Limbo. What will I list as my biggest mistake two years from now?
ME - 50 something
WH - 50 something
Kids - 3 boys, Adult, Teen, Teen
Married - 26 years
Together - 29 years
EA 10/11 -12/11; 100% NC 1/18/11
Posts: 113 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Out in the big wide open
Member # 33523
| Posted: 4:15 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014|
Wish I'da kicked him out DDay. Filed the following (DDay being a holiday). Exposed to all the ppl that asked if he was cheating on me (not one person asked if I was cheating on him).
Been more adamant when I spoke to his bro. for support.
Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
Everything is as it should be.
Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
|Topic Posts: 50|