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User Topic: Be Careful What You Ask WS
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Helpless  Posted: 2:50 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked her did she love me today?

CORRECTION
I love you but not sure what kind of love

I was having such a good day, and some reason, those words just killed me even more inside today. I feel overwhelming sadness.

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 4:11 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)]


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh hun (((HUGS))

I have no advice for you, sorry, but I read your post and had to respond.


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 380 | Registered: Aug 2013
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry.

I'm trying to learn not to set myself up like that.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1818 | Registered: Aug 2013
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This will sound like a distant consolation prize, but: You can love yourself fully. In the end that will be better for you than anything she can ever give.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4042 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks... I mean I was feeling good and like on top of the world and she knocked me right off it with that.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost - Of course it hurts, it's mean.
I hope you are beginning to see that she will continue to hurt you, and destroy you as long as you allow her to.

This ends when you say it does.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8089 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
silentscream13
♀ Member
Member # 41693
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((lots of hugs))))

I am so sorry that she was so cruel to you. I wish I had some sage advice. The only thing that crosses my mind is that she most likely does not truly love herself, therefore she may not be capable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved.

Sending you strength (telepathically, of course).


ME: BS- 39; HIM: WS - 40 (lostmymind13)
OW: TechnicallyMarriedEx-GF - 47
Sexting,OEA/NO PA (but was planning it before he got caught)
D-day - 11-14-13
Together: Almost 18 years; Married: Almost 15 years
4 Children
Apologies: I edit. Often.

Posts: 213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nowhere and Everywhere
Lethealbegin
♀ Member
Member # 32826
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry she responded to you in that way. Remember you are a good person and deserve better than that!


BS me
WS him
OW my former friend and neighbor
Dday 1 2/20/11
Dday 2 3/08/11
Two little ones
Married 19 years
Together 26 years

Posts: 146 | Registered: Jul 2011
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's so awful. I know exactly how you feel.

When exWH was getting ready to move out and I didn't yet know about the A, he told me he loved me but wasn't in love with me. Then he told me that he wanted a trial separation and didn't want to file for divorce and that he was willing to try MC to explore his doubts. I was so confused and scared and hurt. I remember this like it was yesterday - I was crying and said to him, "I'm going to say the thing that I'm not supposed to say and I'm going to ask you and really beg you not to leave us.". He said he had to go. When I pushed him and asked why, he looked me right in the face and said, "because everything I ever felt for you is dead."

That still hurts when I let myself go back in time. It would have been better if he had balled up his fist and punched me right in the mouth.

But, you know what I learned from that? Number one - don't stick my hand over that flame ever again. If he was willing to say something so cruel without blinking an eye, he was not who I thought he was. And number two - don't believe a fucking thing he says. My opinion is that they bust out with the meanest, most cruel things they can say just to shut us up. They need to shock us into silence or else we will want to talk and make them really face what's happening. They will be forced to see the pain and that's the last thing they want.

I don't know if she still loves you. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know. All I know is that she is fucked up enough to want you to hurt more than she hurts. Don't give her what she wants. NC is now your best friend.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2750 | Registered: Jan 2011
tearingaway
♂ Member
Member # 28618
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, that's just stone cold. It certainly does not sound like a remorseful WS to me or one interested in R.

Are you taking care of yourself and protecting your interests? If not, you need to focus on those things.


Posts: 295 | Registered: May 2010
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure giving an unremorseful wayward the opportunity to hurt you like that. 180, 180, 180. I know, I know, you are doing it your own way. But, youch. No reason to touch a hot stove on purpose.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6347 | Registered: Jan 2011
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Either she's too self absorbed to realize how cutting her words are OR she enjoys kicking you where it hurts. I'm sorry you had to hear that


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4871 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the things we need to do to recover from being betrayed is to stay in touch with 'reality'.

One great tool for doing that is, IMO, asking for the answers that scare you most.

I'm sorry she's such a jerk, but you need to know who you're dealing with. Kudos for asking.


fBH (me) - 70, fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9940 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was good you asked even though the answer disappointing.

You have a barameter of where her entitled head is at.


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 518 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 14

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