It stinks when they're so persistent. Since this is the Reconciliation forum, I'll refrain from what I'd like to say about these kind of AP's.
My husband changed his number the very next day after Dday1.
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
It is certainly NOT a coincidence that Vday is on Friday. OW in our case usually contacts at the time of year the affair happened, Valentine's Day, or Christmas/New Years. I expect the contact and as upsetting as it is, I just keep on ignoring.
The last time she contacted your WH she got a response and she's looking for that again. Whatever form that contact takes will feed her ego.
I find it really hard sometimes that I've never said a word to the OW, told her off or what I think. I am a writer by profession, and I know that I could put forward my thoughts and feelings with precision. However, I know that in this case the OW is not remorseful at all and believes that I have manipulated my WS into staying with me. I know whatever I write to her will be twisted around to strengthen her resolve and belief in their love. So....NC.
For many of us here, BS and remorseful WS, NC is a healthy way of turning away from the past and towards a healthier future. I think for some OW and OM, who are not remorseful and are not trying to break the cycle of the A, that NC drives them nuts and is more powerful than any words can be.
Sister, there are a few people who would pay for your letter - better stamp it as a Milkshake Original!
I think it's more to do with her anger than any real hope that your husband wants her back. Her motives could be: 1)It forces him to have to contact her back again. 2) He ignores her but has to tell you about it, thus spoiling any hope of a romantic Valentines for you both. 3) He hides the call from you but has to spend his Valentines day worried in case you find out about it or she contacts again. 4) She elicits another response from you both.
And although they never spent the 14th together nor did he get her cards/gifts, I too believe the timing is not an accident. It is most definitely #2 on your list. He told her face-to-face last Jan., that he will be telling me about any contact - work/personal/anything. The timing of her call at the conference was to F-up our last day together. It didn't work! And many things she wrote to him work-related had a personal touch - knowing I would read that.
I find it really hard sometimes that I've never said a word to the OW, told her off or what I think. I am a writer by profession, and I know that I could put forward my thoughts and feelings with precision. However, I know that in this case the OW is not remorseful at all and believes that I have manipulated my WS into staying with me
Thank you so much for this. I find it very difficult that I am the one who is always reaching deep for my inner strength. That she can't find decency at this point. Clearly not a lot of introspection done.
I too am a writer - no longer by profession - but hey...a writer,writes! The best story I can give you is that I submitted my D-Day story to a national mom's web site. I signed my real name to it. The site was supposed to get in touch with me if they posted it. They didn't but the story was there! She googled me after the face-to-face with my H (I guess I became "real" at this point to her) and found the story and sent it to my H. Ha! She read my painful words and probably a few times. She got there all on her own. I didn't have to lift a finger.
Thank you all very much for your comforting words, suggestions, clarifications and (( ))'s.
[This message edited by LA44 at 10:41 AM, February 13th (Thursday)]
I ignored, but decided if she beaks NC again all bets were off. I haven't had to worry since we haven't heard from her. I don't know what I will do the next time, if I will keep NC or not.
I understand everything you are saying, LA. It is tough. But you know, I have never regretted NC, and I know if I do write her I could regret it. The words, once sent, become hers. She can use them how she wants. So...that's what helps me maintain NC.
I love that she read your story online. At least you've got that!
And FWIW, I think sending a NC letter would be more important if you weren't solidly in R with a remorseful spouse. At this point, the focus should be on you and your relationship and breaking NC from your side obscures that focus. JMO.
Ok, gotcha lostinTO. Thanks again.
Just state that it is advised by your marriage counselor, since you want to be a bunny boiler. lol
no really...might want to leave bunny boiler out.
Change his number and block her number from the new number.
In addition if you have FB...you should take a photo of the two of you together for Valentine's Day. Maybe kissing? and use it as a profile pic for both of you. She probably stalks you. That should get her goat.