I've been waiting for the right time to tell my mother. It came out on the phone yesterday afternoon. As I expected, she is devastated, sick with worry, can't eat/sleep, is furious, etc. as is her husband, my stepfather, a very religious and wonderful guy whose first wife cheated on him repeatedly with his best friend. (Why do WS do that? At least have the decency to screw a stranger!!)
Anyhoo, telling her is one of the hardest parts of all this. Now I have her to worry about. She says she will support whatever decision I make and is urging me to take a lot of time before deciding. It's weird though, because I realize that she needs to "catch up" to where I am, where I can now imagine forgiving him and trying to R.
I don't know if we R how he will ever face my family again. I had already told my Dad everything, plus now my mother and stepfather, and a couple of cousins I am close with. Soon my whole family will know, and because they all knew or knew of our former babysitter, they know that part of it. My mother and stepfather guessed right away who it was (I hadn't planned on telling them). My WS ran into my cousin's husband at our children's school today... awkward!
Things will never be the same or even close. I just don't know if it is worth it to try to R. I feel like I would be happier and healthier as an amicably divorced co-parenting couple.
For those couples who have R, were you ever able to hang out with extended families again? I can't imagine him going with us on our Disneyworld trip this fall, for example. Or do other people forgive and accept, just like BSs sometimes do?
His AP: 24, former family friend and babysitter
Married 11 1/2 yrs
D-Day: 2/1/2014 3 month PA, 24 months sexting
It is really hard to tell people. In my case, my oldest 2 kids discovered the A 6 months before I did, so telling our families was a "must" -- they needed to understand what was going on, so that they could have compassion especially for our teenagers.
However, I've been consistently amazed at how supportive everyone has been. I agree with everything allornothing wrote. I didn't ask family to do so, but they definitely take their cues from me. As long as he was working on getting his shit together, they were on my side.
We also had a big vacation scheduled with my family to celebrate my parents' 50th anniversary a little over a month after Dday. WH didn't "officially end it" with AP until the night before we were to leave!!!!! It was rough. And often awkward. But my whole family was super decent about it.
I truly hope yours will be the same.I would have loved to have been able to keep this quiet or at least, revealed it on my terms.
People will want what is best for you. They will look to you in how they should act. If you are happy, they will support you in any path you choose. (At least, I HOPE they will. They SHOULD if they love you!)
Best of luck to you. It's a rough ride.....
[This message edited by Hannah25 at 10:20 AM, February 13th (Thursday)]