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User Topic: Just in pain
Mhiimg65
♀ Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't even describe it. Probably a good thing, I guess. It means I have feelings.


" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 137 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Mhiimg65)))


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16344 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Mhiimg65
♀ Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like I have no one..I am in despair. OK . I'll get through this. Always have. Always will. I just hate feeling all alone. WH is out of town ( big trigger) . All four sisters are not communicative. And I wouldn't any way, because they hate me because my life has been so "perfect" . Who do you turn to? Just asking? Can't go to the pastor, he had a PA too. Best friend would tell the world. What would you do? I can only think to start a journal, but If I died tomorrow someone would find it. I hate this feeling.


" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 137 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I certainly hope you don't die tomorrow.

I'm glad you came to post here. It's a shoulder to lean on when people in IRL don't get it, or are unavailable.

People in my life know, but I really don't have a damn person to talk to about this IRL except for the friends I've made here. The empathetic hurt too much for us, and the self-absorbed don't want to be bothered.

I think that's why we push counseling so much here - it's a great place to get real-life help when nobody else seems to want to talk or offer support.

You've got us, though. We're here and we care. Sending you big hugs and hoping that your H shows some compassion and understanding while he is out of town.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16344 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
worried_lady
♀ Member
Member # 27605
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Write in a journal, if you die it won't matter to you. Dying is not a reason to not journal. Journaling really helps. Write down everything that is bothering you, then ask yourself if there is anything that you can do about any of it right then. If so, do it. If not at least you have acknowledged the situation and you have worried about it as much as you need to for that day and then get on with living your life.

The best person you can turn to is yourself. You are a lot stronger than you think. It is amazing what the mind can do if forced to. At night you go to bed wondering if you can even wake up you are in so much pain then every morning you will wake up just a little stronger. It will come a day that you realize he does not matter, that your feelings are more important than he is and you will stand tall. Believe in yourself. You can do this, you are stronger than you think.


Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly.

Posts: 454 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Texas
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 12:23 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Mhiimg65)))
Feel for you ...


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Hoping2survive
♀ New Member
Member # 32402
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have come to the right place for support! We all know exactly how it feels. I remember it all too well. And it does feel excruciating, and it makes everything hurt. Triggers are huge right now, but they will not be so emotional down the road. Just breathe and know that you have support here. Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time.

Maybe there are friends or acquaintances you know you have secretly been through this too. Seek out someone you can trust. It's a shame that your bf can't be trusted to keep her mouth shut! But good that you know that. Go for long walks and take time for yourself. Nurture yourself now! You didn't deserve this and this isn't your fault.

Hugs and healing sent your way. Hang in there with us : ) You'll come out the other side much wiser and maybe even happier.


D-Day - 4/2011
Married 20 years
DD18, DD15,DS13
Been trying to R - growing weary
In limbo, thinking about LS or D

Posts: 22 | Registered: Jun 2011
Ivyivy
♀ Member
Member # 42110
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not alone. Unfortunately there are so many of us. I have had and continue to have the same kinds of thoughts as you. One of the hardest things I find about trying to survive this A is that in the real world, I need to continue to act as though nothing has happened.

My perspective is that this is worse than a death in the family because there is never any closure (or if there is it is years later). It is more akin to a festering open sore.

Unlike a death, I can never grieve openly for the loss I suffered due to the A. There are people I have told and people I have not told. My family knows, some close friends, and a few co-workers (told early on after dDay so they would understand the loss in my productivity).

My fear in telling people and allowing this to live in the real world is the judgements people make when they hear about it. They don't do it to be hurtful but more because it is one of those things that you cannot understand unless you have been in these shoes.

I had a friend who discovered her husband's affair about a year before my dDay. From the sidelines, before my own A experience, I remember thinking more along black and white decisions that she should make. When it happened to me, I spoke with her about the change in perspective and how everything blends into grey on this side.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings. You are not alone - there are so many of us out there.


Me -BW
Him - WH
LTA
DS - 11 and DD - 15

Posts: 176 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast
Mhiimg65
♀ Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all. I feel less alone now. I just can't get over the feeling that I'm being held hostage and can't escape from the reality of it all. My feelings are all over the place. One minute I'm OK and the next I either want to scream, cry, or hit something.

Ivyivy is right. This is worse than a death of a close one, because it does take so much longer to heal. I had spent the entire 2013 trying to close my mothers estate. In early Dec. it was all done. I felt healed somewhat. WH gave me a months reprieve before it all hit the fan. I'm just a little pissed that my last two years have been full of angst, and now I've got to think in terms of years of healing. It sucks.


" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 137 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
SurelyNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You will go through a myriad of emotions, it's an emotional roller coaster. Buckle yourself in because the road ahead is bumpy.
I do not have all the answers, unfortunately, I truly wish I did.
Sending you good vibes ((( HUGS ))) and better days to come.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can journal here, and you can keep it private or open to other SIers.

You know, you are held hostage, unable to escape the reality of it all. This really happened.

But you can survive and thrive. It's hard to realize that right now, but it's true. You can accept all the truth, make your decisions, and rebuild a good life.

(((Mhiimg65)))


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9745 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 11

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