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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How to work past the lies?
1Emptyglass
♀ New Member
Member # 37548
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are 2-1/2 yrs post Dday and I will still catch WH lying to me. Once discovered , he loses all credibility with me again. The lies don't even have to be A related. This has been my main requirement for R. Lies have ranged from contact from the former AP to who knew about the A to questions about if he is drinking while we are apart. (Drinking was a major component to the A) He can't come up with a reason why he lies and I can't live with the lying. things are good for a while, then I get suspicious and ask a question I know the answer to and behold, a lie comes out. WTF? I have forgiven and stayed in R with each discovery, but a piece of me dies with every discovery. I am losing respect and love for my WH with each discovery. Any WS's out the with some insight on why the lies keep coming? I am back in IC, he is not. I am trying to decide if I can cope with the lack of trust to maintain the M or if it is time to cut my losses. He was bawling tonight, professing his devotion, and all I could feel was empty. He is working hard, comes to MC, but emotionally I still fell like he doesn't trust me to know the truth about his feeling & actions. FML


Me-BW 44
Him WH 44
OW single 54 co-worker
Married 21 years at d-day
kids: DD21 DS 17

Posts: 31 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: CA
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There could be a few reasons behind his behavior and instead of writing it all down here, may I suggest that you check out this website.

http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/lying-and-deception.html

I found this site to be quite informative in trying to unravel the how and why behind my lies. Reading it may give you some great insight as to why he is lying and more importantly, if he reads it, it can help him figure this out too.

While the lies that he tells you are hurtful, at a certain level, its the lies that he tells himself that are at the root of his behavior. He really needs to spend time and energy doing the hard work at digging down to the root cause for this defensive coping technique.

HUFI

If a man is to shed the light of the sun upon other men, he must first of all have it within himself - Romain Rolland


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3228 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
1Emptyglass
♀ New Member
Member # 37548
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks HP I will check out the site.


Me-BW 44
Him WH 44
OW single 54 co-worker
Married 21 years at d-day
kids: DD21 DS 17

Posts: 31 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: CA
Topic Posts: 3

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