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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Choosing Valentines Day cards pissed me off!
Autumn22
♀ New Member
Member # 41810
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes!!! I went yesterday with the kids and it was very hard to keep from sobbing. Ultimately, I went with one that has a small book on the front with "Love Story" as the title, inside it says "You and me". I'm trying to find the right words to sign it with, something like hoping our book has a happy ending (terrible implications there, I suppose) or "waiting to find out how it ends". Something hopeful, I guess, with a healthy dose of extreme uncertainty thrown in.

I did see one that said in front:

I love you just as you are

And inside:

Just don't get any worse.

Oh, it was hard to leave it on the rack!


Me: BW 44
Him: PA/SA newly in recovery 41
Married in 2000
D-Day: Too many to recall, but the camel's back broke in April 2013

Posts: 34 | Registered: Dec 2013
Neverwudaguessed
♀ Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hahaha! Love that one :)


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 469 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Autumn22 I love that one too!!!!!

I guess I was in a more optimistic state when I went shopping (But I was a mess last June looking for a 20th Anniversary card, so I can totally relate to the sobbing in the aisle thing).

I found this one (it works for me):

Some people may think that there's some big secret to lasting love- a magic spell or special potion.
We know better than that.
We know that it takes two people making the choice every day to love and care for each other, no matter what.
And through the good days and the bad, here we are after all these years....
Still loving one another in a way that's better than ever and all our own.
Come to think of it...
maybe there is a little bit of magic in that.

Things are certainly not perfect, but we are both consistently making the effort to show love for each other each day. It's a heck of a difference from where we were a year ago... and for a couple years before that....

Hugs to everyone weathering this storm.... it's a rough ride....

[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 4:12 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 657 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Neverwudaguessed
♀ Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saw that one too, but the line "still loving one another in a way that is better than ever" while at times I do feel that from him, I am no where near far enough out to feel that we are strong enough consistently to say that just yet. It is good to hear though that some of you are there; gives me hope


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 469 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The one I bought says, "I'm still not sick of you."

Cause I am a romantic.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6359 | Registered: Jan 2011
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love that, rebreather...

I agree, that is the one line that is a little
"iffy" for me.... but he's really trying and we're really trying together, so I want to stay positive and optimistic this once. 'Better than ever' is a stretch, but we are better than we've been for a long time...

Just want to enjoy the view from the top of the rollercoaster for however brief my time here may be....


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 657 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Neverwudaguessed
♀ Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Such a positive outlook still standing, and I am so happy that you are able to be in that place today. Enjoy it! A positive outlook and a kind gesture in good faith can have the effect of going a long way and you never know how that will advance the two of you. Look forward to seeing how that unfolds if you so choose to share :)!
Rebreather: I LOVE it! I needed that, thank you….


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 469 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm headed out soon to look for stuff for my children.

Wh is getting nothing. I just don't feel it and don't want to read mushy stuff. It feels like it would be lieing to buy a card. Granted, he is trying. He has come clean(er) - but I gave him a card last year - I got screwed (again) so no card this year.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jan 2013
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone else try to buy an "appropriate" card for their WS?

Is there such a thing?


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What pissed me off most was the price of these effen' cards. Really? $9.99 for a card. (no singing, just a card)

I am making a card for FWH. I will write my own sentiment or look for one on line to copy.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9544 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 4:11 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOVE these ideas! I stood in the VD card aisle feeling very sad. Had just been to MC, which had gone well, but didn't see any appropriate cards.

It reminded me of when I would try to find a Father's Day card for my father who abandoned his wife and 5 kids....

Will probably go with a little handmade card. Also going to write the lyrics to "Say Something, I'm Giving Up On You" which seems to be the theme in our lives today.


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 391 | Registered: Nov 2013
Zayda1
♀ Member
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 4:44 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not getting WH a card. He didn't get one last year either. I simply don't have the energy in me to go through the cards to find one that is appropriate. Maybe someday.

He will get a hug and a kiss and the gift of reconciliation.


Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 465 | Registered: Apr 2012
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 5:39 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I had a similar experience yesterday too.

Also reminded me of Fathers Day card shopping.....lots of "thanks dad for always being there, role model," etc... My Dad choose to disappear from my life at age 12.....re entered at age 22 after I flew out to visit him. We have a relationship now, but nothing like Hallmark knows about!

But not identical to Father's Day....here is why.

18 months out now.... Felt disappointed but strangely...... Strong???? Unlike my relationship with my Dad, I have intentionally FELT my feelings towards my wife. I had lots of thoughts about my relationship with my Dad over the past 20 years....but avoided feelings about my relationship with my Dad. Not much healing in thinking....much healing in feeling though.


Like "okay, so I no longer have that "you have always been my safe haven" feeling....but I am cool with that. I think it's tied to the acceptance I am growing into.....like I have given up all hope for a better past, my hope is future-focused now?


I was still sad as I read the cards....but I did find a humorous one that works.

My best friend said they don't do anything for V day. To me, that is a sadness all it's own. He and his wife are very practical people....and I know V day is highly commercialized and tend to propagate the myth that "someone else is needed to make you happy"......but why let that stand between you and reaching out to your spouse ? I like the idea of a simple heart-felt note exchange. Maybe I am projecting too much....but it appears my friend is more comfortable with expressing logic (don't spend money on non-essential expenditures) than he is expressing feelings.

I totally get your feeling....have a bit of it too . Take comfort in that you ARE still feeling....a keystone to healing.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 5:49 AM, February 14th (Friday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3610 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Topic Posts: 33
Pages: 1 · 2

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