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User Topic: Getting a grip--thanks mom
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H and I both work from home. While there are a lot of positives to this, it can be isolating, especially now after the A. I spend a lot of time by myself and can see how I tend to obsess and end up thinking some really self-punishing thoughts.

I just spoke with my mother and wow, she really cut through the crap. I was crying about TT and she said something along these lines:

It's all a variation on what you already know. It doesn't matter what time it happened or that it happened on a specific day (of course unless it was after NC) or a specific place--all that matters is that it happened. And nothing you can do, no digging for more details, no crying or harping, can change that. You can either try to make it work or you can go your separate ways. That's your choice. It hurts like hell and it's not easy, but it won't be like that forever. The OW was just a vessel for whatever was missing in H's life at the time. She could have been anyone and she is out of the picture. Time to get some confidence and realize that he wants to be with you and that you are worthy of love.

Thanks mom (a fully R'd BS herself).


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 460 | Registered: Jan 2014
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your mom sounds a lot like me.
She is absolutely correct, but perhaps you can also know that those things you are feeling, and the cycling, and the self doubt, are all a natural part of healing. It's what you choose to do when you realize it's happening that makes the difference between healing and becoming a strong independent fierce woman, and just staying because change scares the daylights out of you.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8228 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely! Just needed to hear some "tough love" today.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 460 | Registered: Jan 2014
Lethealbegin
♀ Member
Member # 32826
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is right! Although how do I apply that to me!!! I wish I could maybe if I read it enough it will sink in!


BS me
WS him
OW my former friend and neighbor
Dday 1 2/20/11
Dday 2 3/08/11
Two little ones
Married 19 years
Together 26 years

Posts: 146 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 4

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