If yes, you have at least identified an area of focus. yes, there are lots of areas of focus in a M....but this seems to be the dominant one for you guys now.
You are obviously open and somewhat willing to trying to work on this. I hope he is too.
Luckily, sexual intimacy is a problem for lots of marriages...not just those with adultery as part of them.
I say "luckily" because this makes it an area of focus for researchers and therapists......lots of therapist schooled in this, lots of books and internet resources.
Best wishes....praying for you both.
I truly hope he comes through for you with this and figures out why it's so hard for him.
Blakesteele-we tried the making it new thing but it felt too much like "affair sex" to us too. It sucks because I was enjoying it when it didn't trigger the heck out if me!! It does make me think if WH had suggested those things before instead of thinking I'd have no interest, this might've gone very differently.
Edited for spelling
[This message edited by AML04 at 7:31 PM, February 14th (Friday)]
Thank you blakesteele for your insight, it was very helpful for me.
WIgirl- it definitely is about feeling wanted and desired, too.
HardenMyHeart- While it may be so cut and dry for your relationship to "just learn to enjoy being the initiator," it is not true for a lot of us. I am not about to settle for always being the person who initiates sex in my relationship. I want more than that.
it is not true for a lot of us. I am not about to settle for always being the person who initiates sex in my relationship. I want more than that.
I understand that. However, sometimes you need to ask yourself which is more important...to have a happy marriage or to get what you want.
Sometimes it's simpler to change your attitude about things, rather than forcing your desires onto someone else.
He has a million different excuses. He didn't take a shower this morning. He drank too much. He's too tired. His stomach hurts. He has to get up early for work in the morning. We are on "different schedules" (meaning I like to go to bed, he wants to stay up late and play video games).
What's worse, every time we fight (like once a week), he will bring up sex. "I was horny, and you started a fight a ruined it!" Like it's my fault.
I used to try. I used to initiate, and he would shoo me off, give me an excuse, and then go back to whatever he was doing. So...I stopped trying. And now we are 27 and not having sex.
I wish I had something more helpful to say other than you are not alone, and if you find a solution, please let me know.
At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."