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User Topic: Did you ever suspect...they could be capable of cheating??
mj052
♀ Member
Member # 38495
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If someone asked me that question ten years ago if my husband would ever cheat on me...I would have bet big money that he'd never-ever go there!!

He always told me how much he loved me and how gorgeous he thought I was and how lucky he was to have me and our kids! He was the "model" husband and the involved "family man!"

What he turned out to be is one evil sociopathic skirt chaser who'll do anything and everything to stroke his ego!! I have no idea who this person really is!! And he's also a pathological liar!! I never saw this coming!! I truly didn't!! I look like a supermodel compared to some of these women!! I always tried my best to look good- I'm 5'9 and 118lbs. His last woman that I know of...was 5'4 and a hefty 200lbs. I kid you not! I realized then it has nothing to do with looks...it's all about the admiration that he feels with these women no one else wants! Blah- it makes me sick!!

Meanwhile- working on my ducks!! Has anyone else been completely blindsided? I have to add my wh is completely self conscious about his body! He has a gut and is very hairy not to mention he has "size" issues- never thought he'd go there!!!! Boy was I wrong!!!!!!!

[This message edited by mj052 at 5:20 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]


Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: mj052
justjim
♂ Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was blindsided.

or maybe I was simply blind.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
cancuncrushed
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was split on that. I was afraid he would due to so much career travel, and drinks after work. That was big fear....on the other hand, I really wanted to believe he wouldnt do that. H Came from a stable traditonal family... I kept my eyes open. I did my best and kept hoping. I am so disappointed.. And more so, with his actions now. Im still trying to figure us both out.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 891 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Sparkle0504
♀ Member
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No.


Me 44 (BS)
Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011
Children - two, mine from my previous marriage
Final straw 6/6/14

The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies


Posts: 191 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not in a million years. Even the way he treated me before all this was completely different. He treated me like a princess. Now I feel like I'm living with a monster


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, but I didn't think he would, if that makes any sense.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9539 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, b/c I bought into his whole line of "I'm a good guy" bull. I knew he did days b4 the wedding, and I gas lighted myself & convinced myself that it didn't happen. Apparently, I've been foggy since I met the man.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 738 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
chipmunk41
♀ New Member
Member # 40694
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was completely blindsided.Never,in a million years would I have thought my H would do such thing.


wake me up when it's over...

Posts: 45 | Registered: Sep 2013
CantLoseHope
♀ Member
Member # 42356
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I honestly truly believed that he would NEVER cheat on me.... In fact, I don't think I mentioned this before, but when he first told me that he had slept with someone else I ALMOST started laughing but seeing the look in his eyes I knew he wasn't joking....

Not that he would say a joke like that, but for the simple reason that I would never have thought he would that was my very first response.


"A tree falls the way it leans.....be careful which way you lean"


Posts: 172 | Registered: Feb 2014
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. Not my H. Against everything he stands for. Oh and he works sooooooo much, my poor H never had TIME to cheat.

Ya well, let's just say he wasn't as overworked as he had be believe.

But ya know what, that isn't a negative about us BS's. I was angry at myself for a long time for being so stupid. The signs were all there, but it was so far off my spectrum of who I believed him to be.


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6256 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
NeedsHope
New Member
Member # 42431
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not at all. His wife cheated on him and he was humiliated and almost had a nervous breakdown. I thought that would keep him from ever doing that to me because he knew the damage it caused. I was wrong. Very wrong. It makes it worse for me because he knew what it would do to me and he did it anyway. That is beyond cruel.


Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Posts: 46 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Despair
Neithan
♂ Member
Member # 35924
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She had my total and absolute trust in this area. I was completely blindsided.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-Day: 2/19/2010
Married 1981
That which does not kill me makes me more irritable

Posts: 320 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Among the Gaurwaith
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, I thought he was too unattractive, who would want him?
My iC informed me that she had seen less attractive WS on her couch.

Did I think he was capable of it? Yes, given his dishonest nature. Fortunatley, he has been working to change that and become a man of character.

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 8:16 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was blindsided.

or maybe I was simply blind.

I second this.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 844 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nevah evah.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6359 | Registered: Jan 2011
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

..mj..

..just tossing this out there..

..could his rationale have been that he always thought he didn't deserve such a beautiful woman such as you ?? ..that his own self-image was one that thought he would have been better suited to someone far less statuesque and far less beautiful than you??

..you were the Ferrari in his driveway, but he was afraid to drive it... he felt more suited to an old 'beater' of a rusty old broken down Volkswagon.. aka the OW..

..he never thought he was worthy of such a supermodel.. couldn't measure up to the man that he thought you should have married.. a Brad Pitt or a George Clooney..

..the male ego can run amok sometimes and his sounds like it was really in the muck..

..he could look good, but only in the mind of far less of a woman than you. You were a "10".. he was a "6" and so he went looking for a "3"

..just an idea.. I could be way off the mark with this post.. but that's my guess.

smy

[This message edited by somanyyears at 6:20 PM, February 14th (Friday)]


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4120 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've known him since we were 14. I would have bet my life he would NEVER do this to me.

I used to tell people he was the BEST person I'd ever known. I don't say that anymore.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1023 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
alleyk
♀ Member
Member # 42270
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could have written your post. I'm in the exact same boat... Totally blindsided. NEVER would have thought he was capable of being a lying, cheating bastard.

WH is also super self-conscious. I even thought he was unattractive in the beginning - because he is the same: overweight, hairy, etc. I was on the fence about even wanting to date, but he was such a sweet guy, who acted totally different than any other guy I dated. I thought he was different. I thought 'here's a guy who would not cheat on me' - I really truly did!! It was a HUGE factor in dating/marrying him!!! Boy was I wrong, indeed.

Sadly, he too turned out to be a sociopathic skirt chaser and a pathological liar who will say anything to get laid, to give himself some kind of ego stroke and sense of self worth. And the OW, also varied - it almost seems like he doesn't have a 'type', he doesn't care what they look like; fat, skinny, big or small breasts - whatever.

Ugh.


Posts: 111 | Registered: Jan 2014
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know this is bad, but I always thought my H was too stupid to be able to cover it up therefore he would never do it. Turns out he was pretty darn good at covering up. I had one singular extremely subtle red flag that could have easily gone unnoticed. Like I said, my bad.

Posts: 309 | Registered: Jul 2012
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. It never occurred to me that he would cheat.
Have you ever heard the saying that there is always one spouse that loves more? I had had friends tell me that wh was the one that loved more. He would be the one to fall apart if I died, etc.

Right up until chickie came along.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 91
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