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User Topic: Did you ever suspect...they could be capable of cheating??
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 2:37 AM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have bet my life and the lives of my two beloved fur babies that he would never, ever cheat on me.

I never got jealous at parties or anything because there was no flirting going on with him and anyone, and because I *knew* he would never, ever cheat on me.

For 25 or 26 years of marriage, he didn't cheat. Then he cheated and had a LTA. Any spider-sense questions I had, I asked and he looked me straight in the eyes and lied to me. I believed him.

How stupid was I !

[This message edited by Hope2B at 2:38 AM, February 16th (Sunday)]

Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo or maybe ever 4x/mo

Posts: 359 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
♀ New Member
Member # 42267
Default  Posted: 5:49 AM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. It still feels surreal that he did. I am discovering that the older I get, the less I know about pretty much everything. Which has lead me to the conclusion that we only know ourselves.

Words such as never and forever can go into the fairytale category as far as im concerned. They no longer have any meaning in my brain. Affairs are the gifts that keep on giving in a cruel, malicious way.

Relationships take work and should be worth the effort. The honeymoon period only lasts so long. Seems to me that cheating takes much more effort. Why put yourself or anyone else through that? I have been given his reasons, pretty much generic. I told him to pull his head out of his ass so we can get to the truth.

Obviously that is why im here. Still waiting on his head from ass removal.

Just when you think it's safe to go into the water. Life steps in and takes a big bite. Let me rephrase that to a HUGE bite out of ones ass.

Posts: 35 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: northeast
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 5:58 AM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes and no...

I realise that anyone is capable of anything, really. I also realised very early on that our moral compasses arent the same... (while I think eew to a 40 yo man with a 20 yo woman he thinks *high five*)...

BUT I thought we had an honest, open communication happening. I thought we were in a place within our long standing relationship that if either one had a problem with the other we would talk about it to solve it rather than dive penis first into someone else..

Apparently I was wrong.

On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
♀ Member
Member # 41900
Sad  Posted: 11:55 AM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never. He was always so busy with work. Always had something really important to attend to. I tried to be a good wife and take care of our 5 children and not burden him. His own father had many affairs and has an OC. My husband saw the devastation his fathers affairs had on his family. He saw that his dad's affair brought nothing but hurt. I thought my husband had morals & integrity. Then he has an affair with a close family friend for YEARS! Never saw that. She was always around us. Went on family vacations with us. She's a divorced mom with 2 kids, the same ages as our own children. It's unbelievable...

Posts: 92 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Southern California
♀ Member
Member # 41617
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope nah never.
He was the paragon of virtue, honesty and integrity in both his personal and business life.
Maybe not so much....
I was blindsided,TT'd for months as the sorted details of his past escapades (A was still going on but he said it was over) spilled out.
False R as he started another A.
Baptism by fire for me learning about SA and affairs. I was so naive. Thanks to SI for my sanity.

Me: BS 56
He: SAFWH 56
Married 34 years
SA behavior + 2 affairs. I was clueless.
Future uncertain.

Posts: 68 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Vancouver, BC
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. I knew very early on. I believed he would not choose to be unfaithful, but knew he was capable.

What I did NOT know was the extent of his personality disorder, and that lying is as easy as breathing, for him.

That was far more disturbing to discover than that he'd been cheating for years. It made everything about our (very, very long) relationship a lie. (This is not just my perception; it really was a lie.)

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8844 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to say "everybody is a potential cheater", but it's one thing to have a possibility of something and a whole lot different thing to have the fact of something.
It's like you know someone who has a serious illness is highly possible to die. When he/she finally dies reality hits you, it's done, it's a fact.

DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"

Posts: 209 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No absolutely never.. I too would have bet $$ that he would never cheat.He was morally always against it.
my BFF husband cheated on her and she Divorced. He saw how terrible it was for everyone. Plus his brother and father were serial cheaters. And he hated how it affected his mom and SIL. He told me countless times he would never cheat because 1) I was his soulmate and he loved me too much. 2) nothing was worth destroying a family!!!!
He hates what he became and that I believe once a cheater... Who knows??
So I was completely blindsided. I too could believe things. Even when I found him searching for motels. Or finding the condom in the car.. Even then I said to myself.. He would never.
Now I know how blind I was..

Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 40612
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. I was suspicious of him for a long time, when things he would say didn't "add up". But I was gaslighted into believing that this was proof of me being untrusting and paranoid, so I tried to deal with these "issues" that I thought I had. Sickening to think of now, being that I was right all along.

Lesson learned: trust your intuition.

You can crawl back home, say you were wrong
Stand out in the yard and cry all night long
Go ahead and water the lawn
My give a damn's busted!

Posts: 85 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way. Not a chance. I always thought that XWH was absolutely trustworthy. I never thought we'd divorce over an affair. Never. The only time he ever said something wishy-washy about cheating (he was always strongly against it) was when we were watching an episode of Mad Men, and Don Draper was up to his usual philandering. I made some comment about how I thought he was an idiot, and he tried to defend the character by saying that his wife was a bitch. Surprise, surprise, he was deeply into his A by that point.

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 7:03 PM, February 16th (Sunday)]

BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, I absolutely did not ever suspect. He, like many of the other cheaters here, always condemned that kind of behavior from others. He talked about how much he loved me and the kids to family and mutual friends. He never flirted, he never did anything suspect.

His father did it, and left his mother for his secretary, then he went and raised those kids vs his own. His own kids never really respected him and had very little contact. He always said he would never be that guy, because he knew the impact.

And yet...he did do it. I am trying to figure out where the heck I was that he could have 1.5year LTA and be in love with another woman?

I guess there were some signs that something wasn't right, but I didn't see them because I didn't think he was capable of that.

He had started distancing himself. He went out more. He had more business trips. He went to bed really early and didn't initiate sex as much. I also remember now that once over the summer when I was away with the kids, I saw a weird picture on FB of him and a friend and it made me feel creepy. I had a dream that night that didn't love me and had a girlfriend. I think I might have even mentioned it, but it seemed so random and unlikely, I think we laughed it off.

And yet....all summer he was traveling with his OW, had her at my home, was plotting his new life with her and was planning to tell me when I got home.

It is still unfathomable to me how he could do it. I have to accept that I never knew him, or at least I certainly don't know him now. He is an evil stranger, that is also the father of my children. Unforgiveable.

Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Topic Posts: 91
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