I never got jealous at parties or anything because there was no flirting going on with him and anyone, and because I *knew* he would never, ever cheat on me.
For 25 or 26 years of marriage, he didn't cheat. Then he cheated and had a LTA. Any spider-sense questions I had, I asked and he looked me straight in the eyes and lied to me. I believed him.
How stupid was I !
[This message edited by Hope2B at 2:38 AM, February 16th (Sunday)]
Words such as never and forever can go into the fairytale category as far as im concerned. They no longer have any meaning in my brain. Affairs are the gifts that keep on giving in a cruel, malicious way.
Relationships take work and should be worth the effort. The honeymoon period only lasts so long. Seems to me that cheating takes much more effort. Why put yourself or anyone else through that? I have been given his reasons, pretty much generic. I told him to pull his head out of his ass so we can get to the truth.
Obviously that is why im here. Still waiting on his head from ass removal.
I realise that anyone is capable of anything, really. I also realised very early on that our moral compasses arent the same... (while I think eew to a 40 yo man with a 20 yo woman he thinks *high five*)...
BUT I thought we had an honest, open communication happening. I thought we were in a place within our long standing relationship that if either one had a problem with the other we would talk about it to solve it rather than dive penis first into someone else..
Apparently I was wrong.
What I did NOT know was the extent of his personality disorder, and that lying is as easy as breathing, for him.
That was far more disturbing to discover than that he'd been cheating for years. It made everything about our (very, very long) relationship a lie. (This is not just my perception; it really was a lie.)
"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you" Bonnie Kaye
Lesson learned: trust your intuition.
[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 7:03 PM, February 16th (Sunday)]
His father did it, and left his mother for his secretary, then he went and raised those kids vs his own. His own kids never really respected him and had very little contact. He always said he would never be that guy, because he knew the impact.
And yet...he did do it. I am trying to figure out where the heck I was that he could have 1.5year LTA and be in love with another woman?
I guess there were some signs that something wasn't right, but I didn't see them because I didn't think he was capable of that.
He had started distancing himself. He went out more. He had more business trips. He went to bed really early and didn't initiate sex as much. I also remember now that once over the summer when I was away with the kids, I saw a weird picture on FB of him and a friend and it made me feel creepy. I had a dream that night that didn't love me and had a girlfriend. I think I might have even mentioned it, but it seemed so random and unlikely, I think we laughed it off.
And yet....all summer he was traveling with his OW, had her at my home, was plotting his new life with her and was planning to tell me when I got home.
It is still unfathomable to me how he could do it. I have to accept that I never knew him, or at least I certainly don't know him now. He is an evil stranger, that is also the father of my children. Unforgiveable.