Thought my mind wouldn't go here today but...suddenly thought, what if the woman he was seeing didn't cut him off after she realized he had been cheating on me with her initially? (My SIL emailed to give her the truth after DDay2). What if they are going out to a nice dinner tonight?
Realistically I doubt they are still involved, and even further, I know anyone involved with him is getting a raw deal, even if they are on the receiving end of apparently doting behavior as I was last year...when he had just had sex with an ex I was sensitive about, and was wooing someone else he had met in a bar while pretending to be single.
So I know that he is not honest, that he is messed up right now and that I'm better not being involved. Yet it still irks me to think of him playing the same ruse with someone else. And then I think--what if he can be faithful to someone who doesn't trigger his jealousy and insecurity?
As if that is likely! Selfish entitlement is selfish entitlement. I don't even wish we were together for tonight. So I could be fed a bunch of convincing lies and be part of a shaky facade? No thanks. I'm going out with friends to dinner instead, none of whom will ever break my trust like he did, and maybe I'll buy myself some chocolate. Just annoyed at myself for even going there in my head to wonder about if he has plans.