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User Topic: Who am I? What do I like?
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@PurpleLilac, gently, get that treadmill back out - or sell it and buy another one, different color so the trigger is not so great that it's the same treadmill. Used sports stores have working treadmills for really reasonable prices, and they'll take your old one, too.

Don't let the trigger make you unhealthy.

Read my post above, we're in the same boat - my WW is really into fitness now - she was always on and off with it but really got into fitness again around the time she met OM, and he's the outdoorsy, construction worker, perfect health and fitness type, while I'm very much an indoors type (naturally stable "normal" weight for my height, but not in shape at all). She looks great now. But I'd rather have my slightly chubby (she'd say very because of image issues, it wasn't true) honest wife than a WW who looks great in yoga pants but will run off and fuck another man any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Having said that, as we are processing all this we have a lot of anger and issues, and working out and getting moving really is something we could be doing with all this pent-up energy instead of letting it turn us bitter. So yes, it feels like work, yes, it's a trigger, but I do it, and carefully allow the mind imagery and anger to surface a little bit while working on the iron machines. I push harder than I ever did, and I just started a bit ago but I expect I'm going to see some real results soon. If nothing else, I feel a lot better when I get out of there.

She can eat her heart out when strong, idiot OM dumps her for good and stronger, better looking ex-husband tells her "sorry hun, you had your chance to recover, I'm going out with some singles tonight again with the body you helped create with your betrayal, see ya". Childish? Yes. But it's a fantasy of the future I have. And if it doesn't happen, I'm still healthy, for myself, my kids and whoever comes next in my life. I owe this to future GotPlayed.

Don't let the trigger destroy you. It wasn't your fault, but you created it in your mind, which means you can sure as heck destroy it.

Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
Me: BH 42, Her: WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Ex-con for DV. Now with new ROs!

Posts: 761 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Raising hand here too.
We are trying to R. One of WH's biggest complaints about me/our M pre-A was that I never wanted to do anything with him.
That I was always so busy with the kids & work.

We have very different interests. He loves to go out, I like to stay home. He is a sports addict, & watching sports bores me to death.
Since he moved back home, I have been forcing myself to go out with him & do the things he likes.
But to be honest, I am pretty miserable doing it, but try to "play the part."

My IC, & everyone else, keeps telling me to focus on myself, do things for myself. I really don't have much energy after taking care of the kids, the house, my outside job, & WH's needs.

I don't even know what I like to do anymore. Since Dday, my favorite thing to do is come on this site---it gives me great comfort & some answers.

Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1443 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh hell yes. I think this happens to us all as we go through adulthood get caught up in everyday life with keepin house running kids here there and everywhere. Throw a dysfunctional M in the mix and wham! No idea who I was.

I remember when I joined here and had to list hobbies and struggled to come up with anything I had a passion for.
Now I tell ya I'm into quite a few things. I love to cook, read, hike. Fish, swim, read, and of course beekeep. Finding who you are and bein happy with it is a huge part in healing from all of this and that goes for people who D and those of us that R.

Being happy and content with who you are helps you know that you dont need a partner to be happy healthy and fulfilled.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks tushnurse, it helps to hear from someone who is further down this road that this aspect of our lives will get better

Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1443 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 24
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