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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: So my poor ex is now the victim in all this
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As with the others, same here. He played the victim in the D... even though he got to keep all of the electronics, the housewares, the new furniture, etc etc. I just walked away with my clothes, the car and the dog.

He still owes my family several $1000 which he swore he would pay back without legal action. Has he? No.

But when something goes wrong in his life, I'll get a "poor me" email. No apology. No "hey, I know I still owe you x, y, z, but...". Nope. Just ignores it and launches right into what's wrong with him. Last one I got he actually said "no need to call [to comfort me]"... AS IF I WOULD YOU LUNATIC!

So, yes, sadly, it's something to get used to.

My IC has put it in a way that I find very useful: he can't bear feeling shame. To admit what he did to family and friends, to talk to me like a normal person, to apologize, to pay us back... any of that would involve facing and feeling shame. And that would be too injurious to his fragile ego. He has to continue rewriting and acting delusional because it is the only way for him to function day to day.

I remember about two months after DDay, a friend told me that she had called him to make sure he was okay after we S. She said he launched into a history rewrite about how he had been unhappy with me for a long time (that was completely news to me), etc etc. My friend heard him out and said he was rambling like a crazy person, totally difficult to follow... and then all she said was: "If you were unhappy, why didn't you just leave her? Why did you have to cheat on her?". He hung up on her and they haven't spoken since.

This new reality and "new" them sucks. I'm sorry ((hugs))...

[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 2:51 PM, February 15th (Saturday)]

BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup w/the victim mentality. It keeps showing up in the WW's. (I know quite a few & every single one of them has the same mindset)

Eventually, you will get to the point where it just won't matter anymore.

My XH cried to any & everyone who'd listen about how he got screwed over. He got the house, all the furniture, the dog, took my engagement ring from me, half the dishes & linens. He had the fucking nerve to get pissy b/c I took my cat (who I'd had for years b4 I met XH) w/me. Point is this: I was so incredibly resentful for a looooong time. Now, eh, FTG.

I can't see how any sane person thinks the one who destroyed the M is the victim in all this mess.

Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 767 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my situation my x was always the perpetual victim.

I just didn't notice it so much until I got some distance. The last time I spoke with him on the phone I nearly pulled some eye muscles from rolling them so much. He hadn't changed it was just now more noticeable to me with a clearer perspective.

So very thankful him and his negativity are no longer in my life.

Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

Posts: 752 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 23
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