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User Topic: So hurt!
EB1541
♀ Member
Member # 42143
Default  Posted: 12:40 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am at my wits end! My WH(dday was jan. 2) is a complete A**hole. He did absolutely nothing for me today. And to top it off he is out with his friends. I told him it makes me mad and sad but he still went out. Now he is giving me the whole, "Valentine's Day is just another day" speech. I figured he'd put at least a little effort this year even though he has never done anything for any other Valentine's Day, but I was wrong!

[This message edited by EB1541 at 12:50 AM, February 15th (Saturday)]


D-day Jan. 2, 2014
Just married Nov. 3, 2013
My age: 22, his age:26
One wonderful son together - 11 months old

Posts: 87 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
stillhere09
♀ Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 1:54 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I remember before D-Day, I didn't make a fuss over holidays. I said that I didn't need special treatment, as long as he was by my side. After D-Day, it was a different story. He learned I needed special treatment then. I think it was in my mind that he would be giving special treatment to her if she was still in his life, and so he'd better remember me. It was kind of a confirmation that I was his one & only. Also, it made for romantic times, and that's important when you are in R.

What bothers me is the fact that he's out with friends! On Valentine's Day. At this hour. ... Very suspicious, and a definite red flag.

I read your profile. I hate to tell you this, but the last paragraph of your profile describes a man who is manipulating you to be quiet and tolerant of whatever he wants to do, including having an affair, if he so chooses.

You've been married less than a year! Your son is just a baby. You want this to work out. That's understandable. However, consider this: You have not invested years together, you are young, and most of all, your child is too young to know and understand what is going on. A baby would adjust to a new lifestyle easily in comparison to what an older child would go through. If you do build a new life for yourself and your child at any point in your life, wouldn't this be the best time to do so?

I'm sorry you're going through this.


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:29 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You sure he's NC? That doesn't sound like a R man to me. I'm sorry he wasn't there for you today. I don't expect much on Val day but at least be home..geez


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5141 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honey are you in R or are you leaving this guy?


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No wonder you are hurt! I think it's time to 180 this selfish jerk...stop telling him how his actions affect you, detach and focus on you and your beautiful baby.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
jb3199
♂ Member
Member # 27673
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That doesn't sound like a R man to me.

Exactly.

Are you going to continue to allow this behavior? I would let him know that his continued behavior is guiding you right out of the marriage.

And then I would work on just that. I am not saying "Divorce his ass tomorrow!!", but I am saying that this behavior is not a reconcilable behavior....and you only are left with (2) options--to accept it, or not.


BH-47
WW-44
2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D


Posts: 2072 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
EB1541
♀ Member
Member # 42143
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. He ended up coming home at 1:30 am and a little drunk. I told him to sleep on couch and I would talk to him in the morning. We'll this morning he went to get us breakfast and was avoiding the subject as much as possible. So I told him that if he wants to be in this relationship he needs to stop going out unless I'm with him and needs to more transparent. He agreed and claimed he really was with just friends. I told him either way it was wrong, he shouldn't have left me and my son home alone. He got defensive which shows he was lying. I told him the next time he goes out and leaves us alone, we won't be here when he comes home. It felt good to lay down the law a little.


D-day Jan. 2, 2014
Just married Nov. 3, 2013
My age: 22, his age:26
One wonderful son together - 11 months old

Posts: 87 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't read your profile, but from what I've read here, it sounds like he's cake-eating. Keeping you at home, and going out and getting cake. I agree that he it sounds like he is not doing any work towards R, just going on like nothing happened.

imho you need to 180 him, start looking at what you will and will not accept. I had a friend tell me after I announced my D that her husband cheated on her (in her words, every couple of years) throughout her marriage. She accepted that, and continues to stay married to him.

I could not do that, it shows a complete lack of respect and true commitment to me.

Have you read the Healing Library? It's in the yellow box on the upper left of the screen. Please do so.


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's lying.
Put a VAR on him and get the facts.


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 209 | Registered: Nov 2013
twitching
♀ Member
Member # 42399
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you said you will be gone when he leaves like that next time, then make a plan. Follow through. Make him come home to a cold and silent home and wonder where you are. He will test that...get a plan for it.


"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2014
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are totally being played for a fool. I'm so sorry.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 11

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