You're both right, of course. I've tried just laying down the law, and talking calmly, while holding her tight. That's not working.
I need to think about being ready to leave. I know what needs to be done, but I just need to get the courage for it. The money issues are the hardest.
Right now, I'm compiling all possible evidence, and am starting to save some money in my business account.
It wasn't supposed to be like this, for fuck's sake!
That's what has started me down this road. It's been fucking hard - and continues to be hard by times - but there is more happiness in my life now then there has been since I met that hag.
I think it's safe to say that y'all have changed my life. Thanks so much!
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous
Whether that allows a BS to finally implement the 180 or go NC or finally file for a D, wherever you are at in this process it is so great that a group is listening and hearing you and there to lend an ear. Its powerful stuff if you really think about it.
Anyway, after I moved, I started cleaning out drawers and came upon journals that are a few years old.
The words in those journals are shocking now, and sad too, because of things I was willing to put up with back then ...that I will not now. Sometimes the writing is not clear, but the emotions are there and thinking that I would have taken him back, even with all that he caused, is a hard pill to swallow.
You're right, Pass. There are glimpses of sunlight in every day life now, too...though finding them isn't always easy and hanging on to those moments is difficult, at best.
And SI helped me, too, because there are times in every day life when there are no answers-where people don't want to hear any more or just don't know. And SI is "open" during the darkest hours of night, so that being alone then is less powerful somehow.
[This message edited by Ashland13 at 10:45 AM, February 15th (Saturday)]
The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge