I have a very good married friend who has been beyond supportive. Wednesday she asked me to attend a Valentine's Day church dance with her. There would be a band that would be playing. She was going to sing a couple of songs with them. I'm not much for dances but I value her friendship and wanted to support her and hear her sing. Her hubby wasn't going not his thing. I declined a dinner invite with several other D friends to attend with her.
Came home got ready since I hadn't heard from her I sent her a text asking when she wanted to leave. No reply for about a 1/2 hour then her reply was she had already left she had a chance to help the band set up. And I'd have to drive myself there (30 min drive) sorry. I was very hurt that she left without me. I decided I wasn't going to go. I really didn't want to show up at a V dance by myself.
At the end of the night I did receive another text saying she missed me and was sorry if she messed up.
Crickets so far. Am I being petty? Ideas on the best way to handle this?
Either way, she apologized and in the grand scheme of things, I don't believe this is worth losing a friendship over. If she means something to you, accept the apology gracefully and the next time you make plans with her, make certain that she understands that if you are riding together she needs to let you know if something comes up preventing that from happening. If she's been a wonderful friend shutting her out now will be something you regret later.
i edit frequently because i have to
It wouldn't've taken her long to send a quick message to you that she was changing plans. I have a friend who does this constantly. 4:00 means 6:00 and so on. If I do it, and mine is because of a young baby and single parenting, I always work hard to give notice. But not everyone is the same, yes? Maybe for her it's not a big deal for the drive so she didn't think she had to tell of the change, where for you, the drive is a lot (I have this too, FWIW, just saying that I KWUM).
But on the other hand, I also believe that if you value her and enjoy the time you have with her, it doesn't seem worth letting the friendship go, especially if she's had your back in the past.
It's so hard to tell people how we really feel, isn't it? I don't know what that is but I also get the crickets reply you were giving. It's better than lashing out during anger, that's for sure.
My thought is that if you choose to continue on with the friendship, maybe next time you make a plan together, you could try something like "Gee, if you have any changes, would you let me know ahead of time?" I do this with people all the time. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't but when I look back on it, I can know I spoke up, in a sense.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person
There would be a band that would be playing. She was going to sing a couple of songs with them
Are you in the performing arts? If not, she should have explained to you that it's not possible for you to go together unless you were willing to go very early. She probably assumed that you knew that.
All my friends know that if they come to my shows that they are on their own. I need to be there at 6:30pm for a 8pm start. I always find them at intermission and we can go out afterwards. But no one has ever gone to my performances with me. Even my H and I take two cars because he doesn't want to get there until 7:45pm.
thisissogross yes, my not going was on me. I knew that when I chose not to attend.
If she means something to you, accept the apology gracefully
It's so hard to tell people how we really feel, isn't it?
As it turns out the evening wasn't bad just different than I planned. I got call from DD#4's boyfriend and he asked for my permission to ask her to marry him. I told him of course he did. So there'll be a wedding in June!!!