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User Topic: Triggers... Here are mine
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His job.
His uniform.
His profession in general.
Hotels.
Room service.
Pandora.
The phone bill.
2 cities.
Our anniversary.
Doctor appts.
Halloween.
Thanksgiving.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
beautytoashes5
♀ Member
Member # 41900
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The cheap motel he spent 6+ years
His cellphone
Wells Fargo
The 60 fwy
Her name
Movies about infidelity
Square toe cowboy boots
Ugh!!!! I hate this :'(

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Southern California
iwillNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Him using a tablet behind closed doors
Being late coming home from work
Smartphones
Asian women
Holidays
Girl Scout Cookies( bummer...)
Him being awake when I am not
Parking lots
Our minivan( sold)
Taking my kids to homeschool co-op
Facebook
My WH

An easier question would be, what things aren't a trigger


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 512 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The mobile phone


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My home, OW's town, sex scenes in movies esp with aggressive women, short women tall men together, certain make of car, bunnie boiler plots in movies

My fWH shares some triggers but he gets unpleasant memories which pop up which he dismisses.


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 569 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I listed mine before, but have an addition. HIM-some days he's my trigger.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 1086 | Registered: Dec 2013
Lowlow
♀ Member
Member # 38653
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The Keg
The word "vacation" (what he called his time with her)
The word "resort" (what he called her)
An acronym he slightly changed from ours and used with her
His office
His profession/my profession
Dancers
Two cities and one entire country (I iwll never visit again)
China (because the three times I was there were good excuses to fuck her)
Our spare bedroom (despite all furniture replaced and flooring redone)
Our car
A certain park


Me (BS) 42 Him (FWS) 43
AP#2 (LTA EA/PA) DD #1 16 Feb 2013
AP#1 (LTA EA with my BF) DD #2 16 Nov 2013
Married 11 years, T 19 years
Reconciling

Posts: 235 | Registered: Mar 2013
littleflower
♀ Member
Member # 42673
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My 6 month old daughter


DD 13/1/14
Him WH
OW - what a cow
3 kids under 4

Posts: 101 | Registered: Mar 2014
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

White gmc dual wheeled pickup trucks.
Long dark and curly hair
Jehovah witnesses- she was one
Short, curvy girls- I'm tall, and not curvy
Cigarette smoke


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7773 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Paris (yes, they found time to make that a getaway for a long weekend under the guise of a business trip)

New Orleans (see above)

Las Vegas (supposed "guys trip")

Scottsdale (another supposed "guys trip")

Several luxury hotels in our city (where they would go if her roommate was around)

Three of my SAWH's friends who were in on the affair

Late nights

Polish - people, food

Nightclubs

Heavy eye makeup

Forever 21 which is where I picture her and her friends shopping

High heels

White military style jackets (OW left this in one of WH's acquaintance's car at an event they attended and tried to recover it but his wife blew off her repeated attempts to make contact because she knew that wasn't WH's wife).

[This message edited by womaninflux at 2:26 PM, March 22nd (Saturday)]


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
Jacobswife
♀ New Member
Member # 42534
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My triggers are too many to list, but here are a few

The time 11:11
Facebook instant messenger
Minneapolis
Submissive wife talk
MY full length bathroom mirror (he would take photos of himself and send to her)
His freaking cell phone obsession
Our computer now loaded with viruses
Belts

It's a lot, right?


Me:46
WH:42
Married: 13 years, Together: 15 years
Kids: daughter 12, son 9
Dday: January 10, 2014
Trying to reconcile!

Posts: 25 | Registered: Feb 2014
DTERMINED2SURVIV
♀ Member
Member # 42294
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Girls with bright red hair
Nightclubs
Songs about cheating or ONS on radio
(worse when he listens to them^)
Falling asleep while hes awake
Him closing the door while on the computer
Being in the bathroom to long (he used to txt her in there)
Not opening fb messages when the icon is on
Looking at a txt more then 2 sec
Friday the 13th
The city she lived in
Buying winterfresh when hes out

.....So many.

Wow I just scrolled down and saw iwillNOT. Im so happy im not alone with the sleeping thing. I thought people might think thats unusual, but thats one of THE BIGGEST TRIGGERS.




Posts: 271 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Where theres lots of southern HOEspitality
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HIM
Her very common name
The exit AP lives near
His Job
His Uniform
His Badge
Did I say HIM
His SUV They rode around in it
Certain songs, TV commercials
His cell phones
SI
HIM


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 451 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
BFFGone
♀ Member
Member # 38263
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Changes every day.
Some days are non-stop triggers, others, trigger-free.
Here are some of mine:

Every city he shipped his mistress into (there are 8)

Any memories from our vacation condo he brought her to regularly (made him sell it and torch all contents, but things still pop up)

Tiny Asian women in short skirts (his OW preference). This makes me the most sad because I don't have a racist bone in my body, I have tons of asian friends, and now I feel like THAT around some asian women.

Not answering the phone immediately

I torched/got rid of whatever i felt like from the 8 years he fucked around on me. Clothes, his car,necklace he has worn for 15 years (including as he was fucking OW's), furniture I pictured them touching (which was every piece in the condo), things that reminded me of his "time away from home", stuff I just knew he loved and was attached to (because he needs things taken away from him), you name it...I got rid of it, and made him watch. Down to the last knife and fork at our condo because of the thought of her touching it.

The only thing I didn't get rid of from our condo were pictures of my babies that were on the wall above where they fucked, sick assholes.

Triggers suck. Torching them was/is cathartic.
If only I could torch the ones that exist in my head.


I choose to thrive. I choose to be happy.

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger...but damn, aren't I strong enough yet???


Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2013
Sadjacey
♀ Member
Member # 41655
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Him some days - including when things are good, and I suddenly think of what he did. That sucks.
Any movie, book, tv show that includes prostitutes
Asian women (he expressed a preference for them on a sex forum - used other prostitutes as well so not sure why this is such a huge trigger)
Mention, sight if young women with old men
Some music
His phone
His computer
Things he says - sometimes.


Me: BS 59
WH: 60
Married 39 years
Together more than 40
Porn use known since 2005
DDay: 11.24.12 - found emails to prostitute,
Disclosure: TT for months. Still not sure whether I have it all.
DDay 2: 2.20 2014 phone, txt to same prostitute found

Posts: 146 | Registered: Dec 2013
Sadjacey
♀ Member
Member # 41655
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deleted duplicate

[This message edited by Sadjacey at 4:23 AM, March 23rd (Sunday)]


Me: BS 59
WH: 60
Married 39 years
Together more than 40
Porn use known since 2005
DDay: 11.24.12 - found emails to prostitute,
Disclosure: TT for months. Still not sure whether I have it all.
DDay 2: 2.20 2014 phone, txt to same prostitute found

Posts: 146 | Registered: Dec 2013
lonelymommyof2
♀ Member
Member # 42013
Default  Posted: 2:54 AM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Almost everything still triggers me to be honest :(
Buuuut, here are the big ones:
The city where it all took place,
Any scene in a movie showing sex in a car,
Talking about my birthday,
Del taco,
Her stupid name, that is EVERYWHERE now,
Walmart,
Hickeys....


ME: 21
WH: 25
One 2 year old, one 4 month old.
D Day: 11/30/13 (my birthday)
EA and PA with COW
currently in R

Posts: 51 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
ItsaClimb
♀ Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*The city they work in (which is unfortunately now where I live, yay me)
*A particular suburb of the above city (where she lives, where the A happened)
*A particular hotel (where the A started)
*A particular mall in the above city (where they had coffee dates.
*Tattoos (she went with WH to get one)
*OW's name
*A particular catholic saint (who shares OW's name)
*Catholicism in general (she is one)
*Valentine's Day - he gave me the ILYBNILWY speech on Valentine's Day.... nice guy!
*5 February - the A was consummated on 5 Feb
*Lee jeans
*A particular district in Paris (shares OW's surname... pity... it's an area I always wanted to visit)
*Wimpy restaurants (they went there together)
*India Arie
*The Black-eyed Peas (she gave my daughter a CD )
*women with lots of black eyeliner...
*Women who expose their teeth all the time. Toothy photographs (every photo I have seen of her it's all teeth). Little brown-haired toothy people.
*Chevron and anything Chevron related
*My husband phoning me to say "Good-night" (he would phone me to say good-night from her house. Just hearing the words "good-night" from his mouth does my head in.
*white wine (her drink of choice)
*any movie or TV program or book with anything A-related (pretty much writes off the media in general!)

The list goes on and on.....

[This message edited by ItsaClimb at 10:11 AM, March 23rd (Sunday)]


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1023 | Registered: Oct 2012
tryingeverything
♀ New Member
Member # 42355
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately, my worst trigger is when we have sex. I picture them doing the same things we do. I have to YELL at myself to stop thinking of them.


Me: BW 51
Him: WH 51
DDay: 2/12/13
Married 21 years
DD 15

Posts: 17 | Registered: Feb 2014
PositiveAttitude
♀ Member
Member # 40624
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*A particular hotel where she worked

*One particular song he brought to my attention

*Certain songs on the radio that I imagine remind him of time they spent together - competely my own mind's invention; I'll admit that.

*Two tourist attractions, one amusement park, one vacation destination, and a city associated with his job.

*Tattoos

This was a great exercise for me. It helped me realize so many triggers too which I no longer respond!


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