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User Topic: Triggers... Here are mine
♀ New Member
Member # 42631
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Morning sex...WH slept over her house while I was away and they replayed the morning activities over email.

There are sooooo many songs, tv shows,and movies with A.

Hockey games - OW's coached ice hockey.

Her name

Karaoke - OW apparently loves it and can sing

The city where it happened. Bad thing is that we might move back there...

BW: me (41)
WH: 43
DD#1: Feb 4, 2013
DD#2: May 6, 2014
Married 2010

Posts: 20 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: USA
♀ New Member
Member # 42865
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dave & Busters - he "fake" proposed to her to get out of a fight. (She was asking what he liked about me. 2 weeks after they met & fell in love!)
Strip clubs
Porn - She showed him her PORN that she was in...
Mexicans / Mexican names
The entire city.
My dog that he ended up giving her.
Alcohol - specifically Patron
Having a daughter.
Chef Ramsey.
Movies they watched - various
Bahama Breeze
Mini Golf

So very many.

Married: 10-15-2011
Found out: 7-4-2012
2 boys: 1 & 2

Posts: 7 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Florida
♀ New Member
Member # 42624
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her name
Her husbands name. (He is the one who told me)
My car (took her on a date in) now sold!
Latin (sluts) women
Raven hair (termed used in "their song")
Their song! Toby Keiths Bullets in the Gun
New Jersey
Kansas City
My sons 16th birthday (first time they had sex)
Their jobs (coworkers)
Etc etc etc

Psalms 147:3
Married 19 years, 9 months and 1 day. The day my marriage died.
5 fabulous kids with tragically broken hearts

Posts: 43 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ New Member
Member # 41720
Default  Posted: 3:14 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ows's names
Amelia's Bar and Grill
Lucky's Bar (It has been closed for over a year)
Club Anything?
Sunset Bowl bowling Alley
Anticipation Bar
PDQ gas station
Shell Gas station
Strip Clubs
His truck
His computer
His cellphone
My Birthday
Our Anniversary
Various dates between the months of August to January.

Oh yeah, a whole slew of triggers.

[This message edited by Waiting2breathe at 8:39 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]

Posts: 14 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Third rock from the Sun
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Red  Posted: 7:21 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

outtanowhere & Mommato5 -

Please remember to follow the guidelines of Recon. when posting. There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.

Thank you.

Posts: 35758 | Registered: Mar 2011
♀ Member
Member # 42105
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seeing the B*#ch, which happens way too often.

Seeing her car...where all the action took place


affair related content in movies or TV shows

Women with long dark hair and glasses

Him closing the door if he is on the computer.'

People talking about FB. We deleted ours

Driving by the road where they always met and "parked" - 3 minutes from my house

Monday morning when we go to work - he typically only contacted her from work.


the day she came to my house, before things "really" started
The day I found out about ALL the texting
The day I found out he had been contacting her with a game app
Her Bday (he bought her a gift)
His Bday - the last time the physically met, 3 days before DDAy.

I trigger just thinking about these dates, because we are only 6 months from DDay, and the affair lasted 3 months, so we haven't actually made it to any of them yet.

Me: BW 46
Him: WH 42
3 month EA and PA w/a mutual friend
DDay 09/20/2013
Married over 20 years
DS 26, DS, 19 DD, 18
Currently in R

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Indiana
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are still so many after 3 1/2 years...

Her very common name
cross country - she coached
Hampton Inn
Rugby Tennessee
his hometown in Tennessee
Heck, anywhere in Tennessee
morning sex
sex with woman on top
black chemise
long hair
country music
Valentine's day
February 15
March 8-9
anything about the year 2010
pay as you go phones
flip phones
his duffle bag
his Jeep
our wedding anniversary
any sex scene on television/movie, etc.

Others that we got rid of -
all of his underwear
his shaving kit
his wedding ring

I think if I actually sat here for an hour I could go on for pages...

Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1492 | Registered: Nov 2010
SI Staff
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 8:15 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Due to continued name calling & venting we are forced to move this thread to General. In the future, please be respectful to the OP, so we can keep their thread in the forum they wanted it in.

Thank you

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

anyone who looks like OW... H office and coworkers who still talk to her...Hotels and travel which sadly was my Honda' picnics, The city they traveled to, sadly where my two kids live, holidays between May and January...H work travel...weddings.And of course H.

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 937 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
♀ New Member
Member # 42859
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Friday Nights - the night he had his first date with his whore and she sucked his dick in a park.

Sunday Nights - the first time they rented a hotel room and had sex twice while I was at home worried sick because he was supposed to be home hours ago.

The town she lives in

The hotel they stayed at

The project they were there to work on that I missed due to another important work function.

Corsets - love to wear then but he ripped one off of her once so now they are all going in the trash.

Red wigs - love to play dress up but she used to wear one for him so they are now in the trash.

She has the same name as my niece so now I'm struggling to give my niece a nickname so I don't have to say it over and over again.

His pet name for her that literally makes my skin crawl.

All the clothes he wore that she liked, that I bought him that have since been burned.

- when he decided to cheat on me.

New Years - when he made a false promise to forget her and move forward with me.

Valentine's Day - when he was in rehab, to get better, and wrote her. Yes he even cheated on me while in rehab!

Chinese Food - the meal we were having when he first confessed.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Mar 2014
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Member # 41404
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What isn't a trigger? Where to begin ...

New Orleans
Las Vegas
Tampa/St. Pete
San Diego
Red Roof Inn
Kay Jewelers
V Secret
(Local microbrewery)
(Local Mexican restaurant)

Our anniversary
My birthday
His birthday
Valentine's Day
Christmas Eve/Christmas Day
New Years Eve/New Years Day
4th of July (fireworks)

His phone
Walking on the beach
"White Christmas"
Watching movies with elderly couples deeply in love (I'll never have that)

At least when I go to Key West next month with some girlfriends, I know that he wasn't there with anyone.

BW 55
WH 59
M 30 yrs, together 33 yrs, no children.
D-Day #1: 9/23/2013, EA 15+ months, PA with 34 YO business assoc
D-Day #2: 11/27/2013, OW, EA for 2-3 yrs (2005-2007), PA
D-Day #3: 6/6/2014, found the sex video
Status: Putting on my bitch bo

Posts: 120 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Washington DC
♀ Member
Member # 42621
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her name
Women with big breasts
Movado watches
The city where she lives
His phone
His iPad
His computer
Text messages
Garlic dip
Pretty much any holiday

Posts: 84 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ Member
Member # 42673
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Woman who wear too much perfume

DD 13/1/14
Him WH
OW - what a cow
3 kids under 4

Posts: 100 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ Member
Member # 42852
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hilton Garden Inn - she was a hotel clerk who went above and beyond what was "appropriate customer service" to my husband.


flip cellphone (secret one)

Infidelity subplots in movies involving men who take up with the younger model.

Everything baby/kids

Red sport car

"Forever In Love" by Kenny G. "Forever" I learned lasts ONLY 15 years.

Disney posters - bought 2 of these on our honeymoon intending for them to be for our kids. ExH took them, framed them and put them up IN THE ILLEGITIMATE KIDS ROOM!!

Me 47
ExH 43
Divorced 2010

47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.

What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that

My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23

Posts: 592 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Indiana
♀ Member
Member # 38710
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

aus jus
nearby town where OW lives
store that's near OW house
driving past the general area where OW lives
mini vans
driving past the place I was working on dday (and throughout A)
OW very common name-constantly! FIL just bought daughter a book when he was on vacation and I can't even look at it because of the author's name!
fake boobs
big boobs
women who wear lots of makeup
women who look fake
women who seem like bitches
any woman with a nice body
daytime sex
seeing him naked
seeing him getting dressed after sex
talking to him after sex
any mention of pubic hair or shaving
commercials for mattresses
watching him drive out of the driveway
talking to my son about girls/texting girls/relationships
certain bars (the one where they met and the one that they went to (I think) when he didn't come home and I finally wised up to what was going on)
his truck
my car
his phone
my flabby stomach (I wanted to know that there was something, ANYTHING, bad about OW body, he said, not even some flab aroung her belly)
the word "awkward"
the word "cheat" (I hear this one constantly-"so and so cheated during the competition", or "we couldn't get it right, so we cheated it"
his compliments (he says "I like your ass", I think "well, you liked hers too". doesn't matter what it is, I always think about how he felt the same about her)
his jokes/comments-meant to be funny, but really he's just clueless
countless tv shows and movies-anything with adultery, new romance, hot women, or any sex, really
country music-any, but especially a few songs that actually make me shudder
anything about the year 2012
any mention of the past (I always have to mentally calculate if that was "before", "during", or "after")

That took about 5 minutes, there's many, many more. It seems my brain can twist anything into a trigger.

Me (BGF) 35yr
Him (WBF) 32yr
Children: 14yr (mine)
Dday #1 (admitted to EA) Sept. 29, 2012
Dday #2 (admitted is was PA) Oct. 1, 2012

Posts: 120 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 40819
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strip clubs
Women who dress like whores
Woman who have amazing bodies
A local apartment building (ow1)
The whole Damn street that goes through the whole Damn town that her apartment was on
The Island (I live near the beach and the bridge separates "the island" of course ALL my friends wanna go to the beach, he met OW 1 and 2 at bars out there)
Seriously I don't know what song or TV show or Movie doesn't trigger me in some way but the worst are obviously ones with ons, affairs, sex, happily ever after couples
And I HATE HATE HATE Beyoncé Drunk in Love song
If WS drinks liquor
Anything about the past. I'm always trying to figure out if it was before , durring or after.
Everytime our friends or other tell us how perfect we are for each other, how we are such a great example of love...blah
Pretty much any woman within the ages of 28-38. (He had 2 ons and can't tell me who they are) of course the more attractive one trigger me worse.
"Beachy" women ( his description of OW2 was, blonde and curvy, beachy look nice tan, reminded me a little of you when we met ) Oh and that she was prettier than me
Sometimes our own children....
Any vacation disney, Orlando talk... (He had both his ons when I was out of town taking our son to disney, and my sister to a justin beiber concert)
When I see married men "checking out" a piece of ass.
Constant paranoia that I'm going to run into one of the OW and not know it, worse befriend them. So I have isolated myself. I want to move out of town.

Together over 9yrs
2 children
DDAY 9/23/2013- 2 ONS (2009-2010)
TT. 5/14/2014- slept with OW1 twice

Posts: 274 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Tampa Bay Florida
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Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...doing laundry. Every time I fold a pair of her undies, I'm thinking the Rat Bastard OM probably took them off of her at one time or another.

married 21 yr

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
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Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

strip clubs
the billboards advertising the nasty strip clubs
driving past the strip club

the names of the strippers I know were there that night (luckily not that many real people are named Charmin and Dusty haha I'm kidding but barely)

the name of the ho-worker (very common name)
a street near us same name as ho-worker.
the town ho-worker lives in (it's the type of area everybody is always running into everybody else and we have to go there often)
The job title of ho-worker

movies with strip clubs/strippers in them (it seems like a huge amount of movies feature these, I watched this movie with Barbara Streisand and seth rogen in it, a mother/son movie and even that features a strip club/stripper scene!!! really??? is nothing safe???)

Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ New Member
Member # 42553
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any mention in movies/television about escorts, massage parlors, cheating husbands

Driving in the city he cheated in and wondering which hotel it was (never asked)

Being in above city and wondering if any of the women I see are the escorts/"massage therapists" he paid for

Having sex with him (only once since DDay 2/21...thought I was doing OK so we gave it a try...not ok I guess).

Him going out and drinking (twice since DDay, both times with family and beer was still awful)

I got a double doozie yesterday we were watching movies and both affairs and hookers were mentioned...been sad ever since.

[This message edited by Mama3030 at 12:24 PM, March 28th (Friday)]

WH 42
BS (me) 33
3 kids- 6. 4, infant

Together 13 years, married for 8

DDAY 2/21/14

Posts: 43 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Movies seem to be a trigger for almost all of us.

It almost makes me afraid to go to a movie theater or turn on the tv!

Maybe we should start a list of Safe Movies and TV. The criteria should be no infidelity or OW/OM references of any kind (unless it is them getting hit by buses), no porn or stripper/strip club references of any kind.

I guess we will all end up watching Sesame Street only because I can hardly think of any movies that don't have infidelity related stuff

Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 62
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