Shakentothecore - Can't emotionally bare it all tonight but I need to start. Is it okay to put so much personal info like hurts?
Yes, it is okay to put yourself out there, to reveal your inner hurts and pains here on SI. As a community, we're here to support you in healing. There are members here who share similar lives, with similar stories and they have all found SI to be a safe place.
Because of the mad hatter situation, you might find more support in the I can Relate forum in this thread. http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=509142
With your history of childhood abuse, you might also want to bring your concerns up in this thread too. http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=440930
While I don't want you to feel anything but free to post here on SI about your past hurts/issues, I think you need to carefully consider that SI, no matter how supportive, is not a replacement for professional therapy. I feel that you would benefit with IC on all of the issues that you are facing.
With it being Sunday, its a bit quiet here but perhaps some others will be here shortly to talk to you too.