Here are some more thoughts of mine.
You need to recognize that right now you are in grief. The beginning is shock. It is a time when any man is most rattled. Please know you are emotionally rattled right now.
Need to find this omw!!!
Really? No you donít. You want to know who trespassed on you. I will tell you what every man wants. For the OM to die. To kick the other mans ass. Am I not Right? If you donít feel this way, then I would be extremely surprised. You would not be very typical. You can be honest with yourself right now. I get it. They are only thoughts right now.
15 years ago, I lived next door to a man whose wife was in an affair with her co-worker. In anger, he went to the place of business, got into an argument with the OM. His wife left with him and later that night he strangled her, took her to a local pond, and sunk her to the bottom. Then went home in a few short hours shot himself in the head.
3 years ago, a man a few neighborhoods down from my neighborhood discovered his wife was in an affair with his neighbor. He took his gun and busted down the OMís door. The OM had a gun too. He shot and killed the betrayed spouse. Then he turned the gun on himself and shot himself.
My co-worker discovered his wife having an affair. As the OM drove by him not long after his discovery, they flipped each other off. The OM stopped and yelled you want a piece of me? My co-work got out and punched the guy, broke his nose, bloodied his eye sockets. He was lucky and did not get arrested, but it was violence.
And me, I had thoughts to run my car into my OMís office and open up on him. To harm his son, so he could also feel the pain I felt. With care for me, my best friend happen to call me at the right time, worried and caring about me, he came over and took my gun from me. It is the shock from grief. He forced me to call a councilor. I did.
I am gong to tell you what my councilor did for me. He asked me to form a plan when I do see the OM. The plan was to turn and walk away. She said, the OM is not worthy of any conversation. She was right, I am right.
Rocket, your plan, be a masculine man, turn and walk away. Donít be a pussy. A pussy is those men I described above. Including myself at one point of emotional breakdown.
I am going to tell you what will happen.
When her sin is finally exposed... she will either turn to you and your strength. Or she will try to hide from her sin and hide from you.
Either way, this will only be a blip of pain in your life if you are masculine. It will only be temporary pain unless YOU allow it to be permanent.
I will say again, if she tries to hide from you and her sin, You can make a good masculine choice, No, I donít have anyone close to me who cannot be intimate. Any woman part of my life and join me in my happiness. Period. If you get stuck in limbo, chasing a woman like this, you will stay in misery. There are a whole bunch of quality women thrown away by bad men. And if you stay quality yourself, and seek it, you will attract and be blessed with a good woman who wants to join you in a happy life.
A hard question. Can I handle still being Married to a women who committed infidelity and all that comes with it?
So you know, I will tell you what it means should you decide you can handle it, and your does wife turn toward you in strength, not away.
For many months to follow... For me, these went on for over three years..
- you are going to have times where your mind will take you to her sex with this OM. In time, these thoughts will fade. In a few short years, you will accept.
- you are going to think about all these situations you could have done differently.
- you are going to get angry at your wife over many of her behaviors. If you are ready, you can do certain things and handle it.
- You are going to have triggers. Pictures, objects, movies, songs.. the list is not short. These thoughts are going to cause feelings. You can learn to deal with them or not.
- Your ego is damaged. Shame. A stigma because YOU could not satisfy your wife. You can learn to accept and know, so people are not always loving or loyal. You cannot control the choices and decision others make. Life is not always fair. There is NEVER an excuse for betray anyone. Accept that or not.
- You will not have safe feelings for a long time. Trust is always a choice, but feelings are feelings. Someone who decides to change can behave in ways were your safe feelings will return. In time, you can decide to trust more and more, depending on her behaviors.
- You will lose some Possessiveness.
What do you think your choice about YOU will be? It can be made today. Right now.
My wife has an inkling I know something since I've all of a sudden started to talk about our marriage in vague terms.
Good. She is finally beginning to open up. She is in great fear right now. You are getting it. You are beginning to open your wife up to you.
Might I suggest a quick conversation with your wife maybe something like this.. Give her pressure. Make her react.
ďWife, I have been giving some thoughts to our talk the other day. Our vow, I know being human, we are not always the best. But too me, it really is about effort. I want to make a far better effort. I am going to tell you I have this strange gut feeling inside me. Is there anything you want an need to tell me so we can move toward a better marriage?Ē
Or maybe this..
ďWife, I look at our marriage and believe strongly that our vows are something we give each other to cherish. I cherish our vows, and will always have this value. Do you also have the same value?Ē
Or pressure along those lines. Keep them very short, not some long deep discussions. She might confess.
Be ready for it. Me, I might say I knew. But know love always hope. I have it within myself to forgive, to accept. But it is really up for you to decide wife. There are things you must do. Eliminate this man in your life. Let him go this minute. Now. Never contact him again. Commit to me this moment in time and leave that behind you. Can you call him right now and let him know, I know, and you have made the choice to work on the marriage. Who is he? My morality says his wife must know, it is so she no longer lives her life in a lie. If you cannot tell me, that is ok too, I will find her one way or another. She is going to know. And you can find out with your wife choice to keep the marriage or without.
You will get your answer quickly. You must fear it right? I did. Do not think she has not already given this day thoughts, how she is going to react, what she is going to tell you. She knows which direction it going. She might be conflicted, confused, but a strong man knows his worth.. your value, you are worthy of only someone who commits 100% and not confused. That is true masculinity.
I did make a mistake though and tell her I wanted to change some things in our marriage. This was very unusal of me. I only did that to see what reaction she would have. Now it's become a nightly "joke " that she says love you or have a good day. It's all very forced and stupid. All that did was alert her to thinking I may know something. I know she probably alerted him and he shut off his phone a few days ago. Still have my proof though and the hunt continues. This is not a mistake in my mind. You made her react. It is the kinds of pressure that will move your wife to a choice. Her reaction (joke) is one of.. hiding.
Might you be uncomfortable with now being open yourself. Successful marraiges are most open, it good times and bad. Be if forced or not. When you have the ablity to lead your wife to wanting to most open, only then will you have the best possible intimate marriage. Learning to open a woman up is not easy.
Change is a "given" for us all in life. Your life is in that given, we all face. You will be fine if you choose to be fine.