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Newest Member: brokenwildhorse (44210)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I found out!
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, this just isn't true
The only reason for outing the "lovebirds" to the OM's wife is to break up the affair.

It is to give another one of us (a BS) the truth.

Rocket, didn't your L say anything about having PI contacts?


Posts: 6421 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with JJCT - Give the other BS the truth. They deserve to know, and not live one more second in a relationship that is a lie.


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, don't expect anything from the OBS.

I told the OBS and they had already gotten to him. He cussed me out, told me to lose his fn number, etc. Everytime I tried to tell him, he slammed down the phone on me. Even though his XW and my XH live together now, I'm not sure he really believes anything was going on before the D.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 7:05 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1955 | Registered: Jan 2012
DTERMINED2SURVIV
♀ Member
Member # 42294
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like my wife sees my kindness as weakness. I have never been verbally cruel to her. I have never even called her a bitch, ever. I just have never seen the need. I've always tried to take the high road. I know, in my case, she's not going to expect me to be demanding of any consequences for her. I've never pressed her into anything. Ever since I talked tonher in general terms about our marriage a couple of weeks ago and told her I wanted to work on it and we both shed tears, she has treated me differently. Like I'm weak and she's in control. She doesn't know I only acted that out to draw a reaction/confession. I didn't get it and wish I never would have done it.
When I do confront I will not shed a tear. She will know I am not fucking around and will not even recognize who she's dealing with. I told her a long time ago that I can take a lot and hold a lot it, but one day someone is going to cross me one too many times and look out. Little did I know it was going to be with her.

Sound just like me. I think you have a great plan figured out. Your right, it will probably be in the first minute whether you'll know if you want to reconcile. I would hold a few facts that you know to yourself, that way if you do want to reconcile you can test her truthfullness later into R. Im hoping the best for you! Be strong!




Posts: 265 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Where theres lots of southern HOEspitality
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rocket, when you do lay down the picture..

I thought I might share the possible reactions

• Denial – she will most likely deny that anything is going on. You may hear “We are just friends” or “You’re making something out of nothing”.

• Anger – she might try turning the tables on you for “spying” on her. “Who do you think you are checking up on me?”, “What gives you the right to invade my privacy?”

• Justification – “It’s YOUR fault I HAD to look elsewhere!”

• Guilt, Tears and Humiliation – The reality of her own actions and betrayal will start to weigh heavy on her conscience.

• Silence, she may choose to avoid her feelings and go silent. Not participating in any conversations about the issues.

• She may seem to submit by overly taking care of things, become overly passionate and sexual. Don’t trust this; see the following sections before moving forward.

Pay close attention..

My wife did react this way.. she had the Guilt, Tears and Humiliation... And you see this.. then perhaps you can provide some hope. It was my marriage "awakening".. Love always hopes. What I did was to say, "W, I have it within myself to forgive." But I knew I could live with this in my Marriage.. it is a choice. I changed, my wife changed, we have an incredible marriage today. It took time, pain, training.. My wife is most open today.. because of her choice and because of the new way I treat her.

All others reactions.. Do yourself a favor and keep the value.. I will only be intimate with a woman most open.. A woman who makes the 100% effort to be most open, does not hide and wants on her own free will, to be the one who joins me in my life.. One who can face the consequences of her evil with strength and courage. Any other type woman will not be in part of my happy world.

A given for us all in life.. everything changes and ends. You can come out of this temporary pain with NO regrets.

Courage and strength to you brother.. Stay quality in every way.

Peace brother.

[This message edited by trynhard at 10:04 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]


Posts: 2666 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
sidney2718
♂ New Member
Member # 41190
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct wrote:

Sorry, this just isn't true

in reply to:

The only reason for outing the "lovebirds" to the OM's wife is to break up the affair.

and then wrote

It is to give another one of us (a BS) the truth.

In a perfect world you are right. But right now he can't find the OM's wife. Does that mean that he puts his life on hold for the greater good of the greater community? I think not.

I think that Rocket has to move ahead. Perhaps if his wife wants reconciliation she'll divulge more information about the OM. It is also possible that the OM's wife has long since left him.


Posts: 41 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Northeast US
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm wondering how the weekend turned out for Rocket. I haven't seen a post since Friday.....


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1955 | Registered: Jan 2012
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

right now he can't find the OM's wife. Does that mean that he puts his life on hold for the greater good of the greater community? I think not.

sindey2718, I don't think anyone is suggesting anything of the sort to Rocket.

In a perfect world informing the OBS will result in both things: providing the truth to another BS and also bringing the affair to a close. However, as homewrecked2011 points out, you can't rely on the response you may get from the OBS. All you can do is put the truth out there and let the chips fall where they may.

I do agree that Rocket needs to let go of the outcome and just move forward with things. Many BS never get the truth.

Rocket, I hope you're taking care of yourself and getting your ducks in a row.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7778 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If anything, finding the OBS like in Rocket's case, gets you motivated to do something. A lot of BS out there now don't know what to do and are stuck in the situation with no direction to go because fear is dictating their choices. Whether it be finding the OBS, finding more evidence, tracking your WS, hiring a PI or lawyer or both, just do something to get the wheels in motion for a R or D. Whatever will get you out of depression and fear and start putting purpose behind action.


Me- BS (44)
WW (41)
DS - 9, 12
M - 16yrs

Divorced - 5/23/14


Posts: 391 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So true Jduff!


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 898 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rocket,

I hope everything is ok with you buddy. We haven't heard from you in a while. Stay strong man.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 535 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Brokenhearted99
♂ New Member
Member # 41564
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well wishes to you Rocket. I had the chance to find the OMW. My WW, gave all that up. I compiled a mass email and forwarded the evidence to all of his in-laws.

I do have a sense of satisfaction, but it hasn't helped me heal, one bit.

I have worried for you brother, that's a long time to hold that in like a steam cooker. If you haven't confronted yet, perhaps get some IC to help you through until that happens.

Thoughts to you...


Posts: 24 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
happyman64
♂ Member
Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you OK Rocket?

Posts: 789 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
Rocket999
♂ New Member
Member # 42483
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry. I made a new thread last week "Finally DDay". Thanks for checking in with me. I feel better after confronting, but am still angry, hurt , confused etc. I'll keep you posted.

Posts: 40 | Registered: Feb 2014
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