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Newest Member: brokencrutch (44961)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Menz…(and womenz) just curious...
cmego
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Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, at the same token, I keep having 37 and 38 year old men message me too. So, that is 5 years younger and I'm kinda like I know I look younger than I am, but it still gives me the heebie-jeebies. Like there is NO WAY they really want to date me, they just think I"m desperate or something.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4144 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Brandon808
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Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like there is NO WAY they really want to date me, they just think I"m desperate or something.
Mmmmmmm...no, I have to disagree. I'm 43 and I would have no problem with dating a woman 5 years older than me. I don't think you can assume they think you're desperate. Not over such as small age difference.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3808 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
twisted
♂ Member
Member # 8873
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A simple test, if you can't name the Beatles,you're too young for me. Couldn't keep up with the young ones anyway.


"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Posts: 893 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Oklahoma
cayc
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Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keeping in mind that we're partly talking OLD here, so the superficiality kicks in quick, when men older than me message me, I respond more to how they look than the age/number. I'm 47 (or is it 48? yikes, I don't feel like doing the math right now) and I see guys that are 45 and look like they've been ridden hard and put up wet, versus men who are say 55 and look nice in that oh so distinguished way.

Otoh, sometimes the 55 year old will email me and he looks like he's my father's age and um ick.

In my NB the youngest I've dated is 39 and I didn't really notice a generational problem. The guy I'm seeing now is 42 and again, I don't notice a difference.

But what I have noticed is that I have to carefully evaluate OLD profiles, and if I click on a guy's and it says he wants a woman younger than me, the regardless of what the profile says or how much in common I think we have given the profile, I don't contact them. I take what they say at face value when it comes to that.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3091 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Message you send to yourself:
Like there is NO WAY they really want to date me, they just think I"m desperate or something.

Message you send to others:

The good ones are going to be attracted to your inside AND outside…and you will too. You have to be attracted to both for it to work.

Just sayin'


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cayc, I've seen your photos, you don't look 47 or 48…

I know age is "just a number", and I don't know why I assume that a younger guy is going to think I'm desperate. I will go a few years younger, but dunno. I'll have to think about that.

My Dad was 8 years older than my Mom, and he died young, so it left my Mom a widow in her late 50's. She keeps telling me not to date older either!

I just see men as thinking younger is "a trophy", while I don't see women bragging about a younger guy as a "trophy".

But…what I'm hearing from SI…womenz do notice a guys preferred age range, and do notice if a guy doesn't date within his age range as a negative. Where menz don't notice…or it doesn't "ping" as a negative.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4144 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cmego, not sure where this perception of yours is coming from. I think that from all of the responses you are receiving you can see that many men don't see age as an issue.

I am 4 years younger than you, but I have a 16 year old starting to think about college. I have spent ten years caring for an ex-spouse with a terminal illness. I would imagine that there are folks in their 40s and 50s who have not had similar life experiences.

Don't let a number prevent you from finding someone that might be a good match for your in terms of interests and personality.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 698 | Registered: Aug 2013
itainteasy
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Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My father who is 61 ONLY goes for women younger than he is. My mother is just a year younger than him. His 2nd wife was 7 yrs younger. His 3rd wife was 17 yrs younger than him. And his 4th (and current) wife is 23 yrs younger than him. (she's my age.)

My theory is that my dad is afraid of dying. He's afraid of "getting old". He's afraid of becoming weak or infirm. So, he casts his net for younger women in an effort to be as young as they are.

I call him Peter Pan. He never wants to grow up or grow old.

I don't know if that applies to ALL men who date younger women exclusively, but I do believe it's true of my dad.

eta: My fiance is 2 almost 3 yrs younger than I am. I didn't set out for a younger man..in fact he's the first man younger than me that I ever dated. I always preferred men my age or a few years older. It just happened that he (my fiance) is younger.

[This message edited by itainteasy at 9:41 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 3383 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Undefinabl3
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Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In college I briefly dated someone that was literally twice my age (i was 18 he was 36).

As far as for me - I was most attacted to him because there was no 'game'. We were both very independant, no jealousy, he showed me a respect that the guys my age haven't really learned yet, and it while it was nice that he paid for pretty much everything, I didn't need him to.

There was never a 'oh...older guy' aspect. It was the fact that even at 18 I had no patience for the stupid immature games and crap that the boys my age played.

I would imagine for him it was more 'look at this hot skinny thing on my arm'...i did get taken to events and gala's with him.

Ironcially (not that anyone would believe me at this point) but we never had sex. There were a few 'almosts' but nothing all the way.

It ended when he had to go back to Canada, and I obviously was not going with him. I was young, but I wasn't in love or anything like that.


[This message edited by Undefinabl3 at 1:34 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Sep 2012
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm 53, XWh is 48, OW is 39.

If they stay together, in 20 years I'll be 73, OW will be 59. So, XWH gets to have a younger wife,, but I do believe he is superficial.

The guys I have met - who have had younger women- say the connections was there at first, but quickly went away when trying to communicate with them. They say they now want someone close to their age.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2129 | Registered: Jan 2012
asurvivor
♂ Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I have a 60 year old wealthy friend who asked me if I thought this 30 year old would go out with him if he told her he was 50...I told him he had a better chance if he told her he was 90". A mediocre joke that has enough generalizations to potentially offend anyone, brought to you by...me.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 565 | Registered: Jun 2011
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are some obvious pop evolutionary psych explanations regarding fertility (women) and access to resources (men) behind these, but the validity of pop evolutionary psych is very questionable.


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 831 | Registered: Nov 2012
miadianna
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Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Expectations need to be clear and discussed. I know a man who was almost 50 and recently divorced with three kids, teenagers and younger. He started dating a beautiful woman on the rebound in her late 20s, she admits to pursuing him because he is very handsome and fit for a man of this age. They had a lot in common and soon got married. But...he was absolutely done having kids and is a very sweet man, just an introvert. And 50. She was very outgoing, bubbly, and active. Wanted to go out all of the time, which worked out in the beginning but after they got married it got old.

They divorced after about five years. I think his kids or her wanting kids had something to do with it. I remember her commenting they had his kids for the summer and she was going crazy. He had already had the life she was experiencing. Sometimes that doesn't work. She is now with a man her own age.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7477 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
trumanshow
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Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's 20 years diff to qualify as cougar

I found that I got the most interest from much younger men


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1748 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked my fiance about this last night. He is 8 years older than I, but our kids are all about the same age, so similar point in life. I asked him why guys liked younger women at least initially. He responded that if you are with a younger woman then you are seen as a super stud because you can satisfy a younger and more energetic woman. Especially if you aren't loaded, it must be your super sex skills. Or giant penis.

But I can't ask his friends this because they might answer that he is either clinging to his youth or ran out of women his own age.

I reminded him that the downside of dating someone my age is that he could still knock me up. It would be a lot harder to do that with another 50 yr old.

And there you go.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1246 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 5:06 AM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could have written this myself.

I know that not all men look for younger women but a lot of them do; at least on OLD. Most of the interest I've had is from ken in their 50s. For me, I just don't see how I could have much in common with someone more than 4-5 years older or younger. I mostly prefer guys within 1-3 years. To me, the big age gaps creep me out. My ex was 1 year younger than me. Aside from his personality/character flaws and the fact that he's a dick, the age thing was perfect for me. We could relate to each other having come from the same generation. I don't want to date someone in their 50s. Nor do I want to date someone who's 35 (ick!) and I'm having a hard time finding anything else on OLD.

My Ex's ex-OW was 9 years younger than him. He thinks he's a Casanova. I just thought it was gross.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

…and…to add insult to this "problem"…a few days ago I was contacted by a guy that was basically saying, "come on, give me a shot" in the first email. His profile stated he was 47. There was NO FREAKING WAY he was 47. He had to be at least 55+. You could tell that he used a lot of older photos of himself, then really blurry shots of anything more recent.

It took everything I had not to respond, "Why are you lying about your age?". But, I didn't…crickets.

I've typically dated younger than me, like within 3 years…but that is as young as I would go.

I will say, that I had a friend of a friend (a guy…) that I knew was lying about his age on his profile. He defended that decision by saying, "Well, when they meet me, they will fall in love with me and age won't matter."

But, I believe that there are plenty of people who DO think that way. Lying is acceptable. My ex's favorite quote is "It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission."

[This message edited by cmego at 7:26 AM, February 21st (Friday)]


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4144 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
libertyrocks
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Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Million Pieces,

He responded that if you are with a younger woman then you are seen as a super stud because you can satisfy a younger and more energetic woman. Especially if you aren't loaded, it must be your super sex skills. Or giant penis.

This was the answer I was looking for, sounds about right. I was curious. Good discussion. I always wondered why old guys liked younger girls, too. Well, what if it's an older woman that looks younger??


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Crescita
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Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We could relate to each other having come from the same generation.

Interesting. I was raised by my grandmother so relating to my peers has always been more challenging. It just so happens that my two serious relationships to date have been with men close to my age, but with older parents.


Posts: 3388 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Gomphus
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Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I, for one man, dont see the 'stud factor' in dating younger women. I dont need that. Sure, many men do and seek it out. Whatever. Sorry you women gotta sift theough that.

My experience is that women 5-10 years younger seek me out. I'm not super handsome but maybe I look young. Or maybe younger women tire of immature men. More interesting, very few women my age or older show much interest. This is mostly based on real life as my old experience is limited.

I think its a typical personality distribution. Most people that like us we dont feel attracted to. Its like fishing. People who catch more fish they like, fish more. Excuse the vulger analogy. Maybe 'you gotta kiss a lotta frogs' is better.


me - 41 BH
D'ed
Surviving

Posts: 425 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
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