Topic: Wedding rings what did you do?
Member # 42216
| Posted: 10:34 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014|
WW, years after semi successful R had hers melted down for a new diamond setting, with my encouragement. It was her idea.
Me: Older than dirt
DD 8/1990 She confessed to a 2 month ea/pa
Asked forgiveness but volunteered to leave. No way was I going to give her the boot
The eight most feared words used together in the English language: We need to talk. Th
Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Utah
Member # 34875
| Posted: 10:51 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014|
My fWW said that she and the OM always wore their rings while they were "together". I took mine off this winter when I was constantly putting on hand lotion. I have not put it back on...just don't want to wear it right now. We actually doing ok in R at the moment...can't really explain it. FWW hasn't noticed anyway...
married 21 yr
Posts: 174 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 40075
| Posted: 11:38 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014|
Mine is in a landfill somewhere....
Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
Divorced and Done!--7/13
Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: KS
Member # 33420
| Posted: 2:44 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
Well, me and my POS ex were not married. Thank God for this, although at the time we were together, he would constantly get my hopes up about getting a proposal and then say "I only said it to see how you would react" or similar. Very cruel man. Anyway, when we had been together a year, he bought me a ring. It was only £125 which is about $200 and he made a beyond huge deal about the expense of it! But it was a pretty ring to start with. However, this ring became like a weird predictor of our relationship. It tarnished easily. It could be polished up to be sparkling on the outside, but on the inside it was dull. Filth would collect behind the stones where nobody could see it, but I could feel it niggling away at my finger, and I would have to dig in the grooves with a cocktail stick to get it all out. On closer inspection, the pretty stones were in quite clever illusion settings. They weren't as good as they appeared, it was all show. Some of them were cracked. Towards the end of our horrible relationship, stones started to fall out of the ring.
I took the ring off after d-day. Was guilt tripped and forced into putting it back on after a couple of months. It made my finger itch and bleed. Took it to a jeweller and he confirmed it was solid gold. It's like my body absolutely did not want that ring touching it. When it was finally completely done and dusted with me and the POS, I took the ring off, put it in a box and moved house. I have no idea where it is and if I ever come across it again, I will probably give it to a jeweller to melt down for scrap. I don't want anything to do with it.
me- BSo 30, happily in new relationship
him-ex wso 40, child sex offender
I look for the good and admirable in every soul. The people that seem to be neither are terrifying.
Posts: 510 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: UK
♂ New Member
Member # 42112
| Posted: 5:46 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
I took mine off on D-Day. I put it on the first time when we had a social engagement with friends from my son's school. It felt awful to put it on again, but I did not want to broadcast the fact that our marriage was in severe trouble.
I had noticed one of my co-workers noticing that I was not wearing the ring one day. I have since taken to putting the ring on just before work, and take it off as soon as I get into the car to drive home. Once again, this is to avoid broadcasting things that are not really anyone else's business.
The ring, and inscription, now represent promises broken, and I have to take a deep breath and swallow hard every time I put it on.
I asked her if she wore hers during the A. She said yes, never took them off. Didn't even have enough respect for me to do that, but I suppose that is a different topic.
Posts: 13 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ New Member
Member # 40688
| Posted: 7:27 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
This was not an issue in my own experience, as WH wasn't allowed to wear his ring at the time due to his job, and I don't associate any real "A feelings' with my own rings, BUT...
A close friend in a similar situation bought a subtle costume piece she loves, and wears it in place of her rings. This keeps the appearance of commitment to the outside world, but is something SHE chose, SHE loves, etc.
She wears her wedding band on her right hand during periods of solid R, and even returned it and her engagement ring to her left hand for a brief time. Unfortunately things have since headed for D, and I believe she intends to use the "ingredients" (gold, diamonds) to make a heirloom ring to pass down within the family.
BS 37 (Family Law Attorney...yes, really)
DDay Nov 7, 2012 after WH had A while deployed, terrible boundaries due to CSA.
So far, so good.
Posts: 19 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 41986
| Posted: 7:33 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
my wife wore hers for the first ONS. it really hurts me. im not sure yet what to do with them.
me - bh
her - lara01
from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA
??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys
Posts: 527 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 40329
| Posted: 7:52 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
I do wear a diamond ring on my right hand that I love. WH bought it for me for our 6th anniversary. It's probably the only gift I can recall he ever really 'got right' & our marriage was in a really good place at the time. So that right has happy thoughts for me.
Once or twice I've moved it to my left hand just to avoid being approached by men when I was out at dinner with my girlfriends. But even that was uncomfortable, but being hit on would've been more uncomfortable!
D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish
Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
Member # 42486
| Posted: 8:03 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
Hi, was told i have joined the best site ever so here goes..We have been married for 34 years and mys husband had an affair last year January to August with a woman up the road from us. We live in a small hamlet and everyone knew but me. He ended it and stayed with me , but I cannot relax as she passes here every day 2 or 3 times..they still hace contact on the phone, but he says trust him it means nothing..will this die out, have ohters found this...it makes me feel ill, shaky and pains in the heart and stomach..I guess you all know that feeling, I am a very calm person normally but now live on my nerves and feel i have to now put a happy face on and not question him anymore..hard but from today it is the only way I think.Even if I know they have spoken I must not show it and put on a front...is that what we do ..
Please give some words of advice as sometimes I think I am going slowly crazy..We live in a small in fact tiny hamlet in France, nosy neighbours, one being the other woman's best friends mother !
me BS 56yr
Him WS 55yr
Married 34 years 2 sons 4 grandchildren
Posts: 126 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: France
Member # 42430
| Posted: 8:13 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
She's still wearing my family heirloom (great grandmother's ring), I haven't worn mine since DDay 1/21/14. Trying for R, but it just doesn't feel good on my finger right now.
Posts: 218 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Colorado
Member # 41693
| Posted: 8:17 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
I haven't worn mine since dday. I left it on the sink in his soap dish. He brought it down and said you left this on this sink. I told him it meant nothing to him, so it now means nothing to me.
I threw it in a box somewhere. I will never wear that ring again, even if we R. He still wears his everyday. It means nothing to me either, because he wore it while he cheated.
ME: BS- 39; HIM: WS - 40 (lostmymind13)
OW: TechnicallyMarriedEx-GF - 47
Sexting,OEA/NO PA (but was planning it before he got caught)
D-day - 11-14-13
Together: Almost 18 years; Married: Almost 15 years
Apologies: I edit. Often.
Posts: 213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nowhere and Everywhere
Member # 25001
| Posted: 8:39 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
My rings have been in his jewelry box since January of 2010. I don't think he's even noticed. He still wears his. I have no idea why, it's not like he shows any remorse or any feelings towards me.
Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)
Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 21587
| Posted: 8:48 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
I gave mine to the XWW after the final DDay. I made sure she understood it meant absolutely nothing to me anymore. I'm sure she pawned it that day.
FWW 37 (fireandice)
Married 13 Years - Together 20
D-Day1:Jan 08 (EA OM#1)
D-Day2:8-15-08 (EA/PA OM#2)
Remember, you don't drown from being thrown in the water. You drown from staying in it.
Posts: 991 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 41575
| Posted: 8:49 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
My rings have been in my jewelry box since d-day. My WH hardly ever wore his before because he is not allowed at work but since d-day he wears it all the time. He wasn't wearing it during the A not that it mattered. . She knew he was married.
Together 18 years
Married 7 years
Both currently in counseling
Trying to R
I am a warrior!
I will survive and thrive!
Posts: 100 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 30804
| Posted: 9:01 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
I took mine off too and wasn't sure what to do with it and felt I would never wear it again, which was such a shame since I loved my wedding set. I had too many emotions attached to that ring to leave it on my finger a day longer.
Now, after 7 long yrs since DD I decided to give it a trial run and see if I could wear them. It's been on my finger for about 2wks. When I look at the rings I see a story....not just a story filled with blind love in which the engagement ring was given 20+ yrs ago and promises that were broken but a story of the determination and hard work and more hard work to make our M work.
Not sure if my ring is quite as shiny and flawless as it once appeared to me but what a story it has to tell. I may wake up tomorrow and decide to put the ring away, but for today, it feels right. :)
MOW- WAS my friend,STILL my neighbor.
Posts: 67 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 40488
| Posted: 9:19 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
I made our wedding bands in my last year of grad school with a beautiful sapphire instead of a diamond for several reasons. We had no money and I was very particular of the design and I made it fit his finger exactly. It's was just a bit snug he could get it off and on but not being a jewelry guy felt it too tight. So after we got married he decided to enlarged it and they made it too large. So afterward he never wore it. Just a couple of times. I couldn't sleep with mine either so I knew our marriage was stronger than a ring. So my fWH didn't wear his ring. Fast forward 12 years and I lost my stone and didn't wear a ring and for an anniversary he bought me a beautiful ring with a small diamond that I wore occasionally. But then two years ago he cheated and I wore nothing.
We talked about wedding rings how the bitch kept telling him how he must be unhappy if he never wears a ring.
He choose not to fix his wedding ring and he didn't seem to care.
So after several months passed. So...Last year I bought a second hand wedding ring with diamonds that I liked because I felt like I needed something. Then he gets upset that I'm wearing a ring and bought it. I know my H. He would never go out and buy something like. Come on dude I walked with him into carrier and showed him the wedding bands I liked. They weren't the expensive ones either.
Then he finally gets his sized and asks about my ring. I joking says a want a huge diamond now that you fucked up. But not in my ring as it means nothing. He goes a puts a diamond in my ring. I really feel that me making our rings meant so much more.
So I wear my ring that I bought and my ring is at the jewelers still cuz I don't want to pay for a cheap diamond some downtown basement dude..
Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore
Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 40392
| Posted: 9:46 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
I don't know what it is but the moment I found out my ring instantly came off. Although my wife and I are trying to R I'll never wear a wedding ring again. There is something about it that angers me to no end. I guess the visions of my wife sliding hers offs to go and fuck another man are with me forever. Before the affair I never took my ring off.
Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”
Posts: 588 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Member # 24416
| Posted: 11:22 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
I took mine off after D-day. WH then took his off. Boy, did he show me.
I started wearing it again when we decided to R. The diamond fell out of it recently but I found it. It was a miracle. But WH was going to get it fixed for Valentines day and couldn't find it. I had it on my dresser in a baggie with the ring but I can't find it either. Maybe, because of recent actions, it's a hint to me.
2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.
Married 27 years. Together 29.
3 children 24, 21, 14
OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.
Posts: 1663 | Registered: Jun 2009
Member # 42170
| Posted: 1:38 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
I just read your post and I feel really bad for you. Hugs. I think you should post a new topic for yourself. More people will see it and be able to respond and give you advice.
Go back out to the main section under "Just Found Out" and in the upper right you will see "post new topic." There are so many people here who can help you.
I don't think your WH should have ANY contact with this woman at all. I understand that you said you live in a small Hamlet in Frnace but WH needs to run the other way whenever she is around. There is no reason whatsoever that he should be calling her at all. You should not have to put up with that.
"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person
Posts: 337 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
Member # 41644
| Posted: 2:03 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014|
I took mine off on d day, but put it back on for a while. Finally removed it and told my WW that it just reminded me of all the hurt. Told her I would never wear it again but in time if we R that she could get me a new one. As for her that was one of the big signs for me. She took her rings off at the time of her affair. She now wears her rings, they were purchased by me so no sentimental value for me other than how I felt when I gave them to her.
D-Day July 8, 2012
Who knows what went on?
Posts: 61 | Registered: Dec 2013
|Topic Posts: 51|