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Newest Member: Sadmw (45324)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My Story
seigexax
♂ New Member
Member # 42369
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im posting my story , i have had 4 affairs on my wife and she still is taking me back after all them and this time , i think shes crazy and shouldnt do it but i feel greatlful for it , im trying my best to change and to do all the conditioned i have to do in order to work on things , i find it to be very hard because i feel that i dont wanna be here and all but im trying to give it a chance because i never really did all the other times and she has given so many chances to me and i feel its only fair that i do the same , she says i dont do enough though and should go far and beyond , when she talks like that and talks bad of me well i understand shes angry and hurt by what ive done but it makes me wanna just stop trying when she gets like that , i hope this to be a good start on things on here , thank you all in advance

Posts: 11 | Registered: Feb 2014
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome.

The things you don't feel right or authentic about will eventually come if you make this commitment. Just keep doing it. It will feel awkward at first. Give it a chance. The feelings will follow.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
20WrongsVs1
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i dont wanna be here

And you think she does?

she has given so many chances to me and i feel its only fair that i do the same

How magnanimous What would be "only fair" would be for her to go have sex with four other men, and for you to take her back and never "talk bad of her." (Not that I advocate such behavior. At all.)

i hope this to be a good start on things on here

Your post is selfish, immature, and shows no indication of remorse. Chill out, before you get all defensive...please know you are hardly the first WS to exhibit those characteristics. We all did.

You're going to get some tough advice here. Read it. We've been in your shoes, we are not holier-than-thou. But we did have to pull our heads out of our asses first. You haven't.


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1229 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she still is taking me back after all them and this time , i think shes crazy and shouldnt do it
Why is that exactly?

How do you feel about your affairs? Do you think they were wrong? Did you enjoy them? Do you still wish you were in them? Do you feel they benefited you as a person? Have you physically and mentally stopped cheating?

Do you think that your wife being nice to you and patting you on the head and loving you to death will make you stop cheating? I mean, obviously not cause you had 4 affairs...

So what's your plan Stan?


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6291 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
cdnmommy
♀ Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i think shes crazy and shouldnt do it

You think she shouldn't do it? Why not? Is it because you have already decided you are not capable of changing? Is it because deep down you don't want to? If the answer is yes to either of these, then you really need to look at how much YOU want to reconcile. Don't waste your BS's time if you are not serious.

I am going to be blunt and tell you that if you really feel this way, do the kind thing and let her go gently. If you don't think you are worth the effort she is willing to put in, then in my opinion, you won't succeed in making enough significant changes to stop your destructive behaviour.


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1741 | Registered: Nov 2010
SandAway
♀ Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 5:30 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i find it to be very hard because i feel that i dont wanna be here and all but im trying to give it a chance because i never really did all the other times and she has given so many chances to me and i feel its only fair that i do the same ,

Wow, how nice of you to think of her. What are you doing this time that you didn't do before?

Seriously, with that attitude your not going to make the changes you need, you will eventually resent your BW and who knows, relapse into an A again?

You can't do the work on yourself when your not 110% committed to do it. You don't do it out of guilt or 'because its only fair', you do it because your discussted with what you did, who you were and the pain you caused. Your not anywhere near there.

when she talks like that and talks bad of me well i understand shes angry and hurt by what ive done but it makes me wanna just stop trying when she gets like that

Its going to get a hell of a lot harder before it even begins to calm down a bit. Her anger isn't going away anytime soon.

With the attitude you have in this post, do her a favor and leave. Or step of that ladder and get to work.


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 439 | Registered: Dec 2012
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You said it doesnt feel right...let me paint a different picture for you..

When I first started runnng track..I was fast....naturally...but not efficient at all. I was put on a lot of different track teams and relay teams...because I was fast. By the time I got to high school, I finally met a coach who let me know how much better i could be if I were running correctly....He said I am working against myself.

It didnt "feel" right at first. I actually got slower as I was learning a more efficient way to run. But when I learned the RIGHT way to do it...it got easier..I didnt work as hard, I worked more effectively. I had to retrain my muscles to move the right way. I had to make a mindful, deliberate, intentional effort to be more effective. And the more I did it, the better I got and the easier it got. I havent run in 10 years now...but the muscle memory is still there.

^^^^^^^^that is what you gotta work toward. It wont be easy. Marriage is intentional and deliberate...it works because one works at it. Key word WORK....

ETA: You work against yourself when you say you dont know why she is forgiving you, or that you dont wanna be there. Its not going to be easy. Affairs are easy, cheating is easy..work is work, and it can be hard.

[This message edited by NikkiD at 8:19 AM, February 18th (Tuesday)]


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
seigexax
♂ New Member
Member # 42369
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i see how i come on as selfish and not remorseful , maybe a huge part of me isnt ready for this but im still trying , thank you all for what you have said it means a lot and im trying to work on myself but be there for my w as well

Posts: 11 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 8

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