I wish I could pull my legs to one side of the fence and not hover over it. Today was a "screw him, he's out" kind of a day. Next thing I know, I can't stand to be away from him. WTH?
I made it my goal today to do everything hurtful to my WH I could
How'z that workin' for you?
There are days I wake up and ask myself what am I still doing here, but those are the exception not the norm. Otherwise, I probably would have ended the marriage already.
It does help that my H wants the marriage to work.
Everyone keeps saying 2 to 5 years... I am 2, so now what?
I'm 18 months out and still cycle through all the stages. It get better if you both are doing the hard work to reconnect.
You're not alone….hang in there!
I question my own strength, I wonder why I want to endure this pain, shame, resentment ect....
There are days Im driving and wish I could just keep going, never look back, but reality and responsibility bring me back to my real life! I hate my new life. I hate that someone who was suppose to have my back thought so little disregard for my feelings.
When I flipped out WH told me in a raised voice(he never raises his voice) that he cant do this with me anymore. He says Im like a yo-yo up one day down the next. He says he knows how much he has hurt me and feels pain like I do. So like the one person that posted (Hows that workin for ya?) ITS NOT! I need to learn to control my anger. Its just so hard some days!
Hope we can all get through this turmoil.
Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.
With a dday just a couple of months ago, it is not surprising that you are still on the fence. There has not been time for your WS to identify and own his issues, then work to fix them and show you sustained change, nor for you to get some acceptance of what happened and to begin to heal.
In your profile you posted:
He said he thought we were breaking up and that he was "lost".
I understand that you are struggling with R versus D. I would like to suggest a third alternative for you; “not divorcing”. By not divorcing you do not separate or leave the M so long as you continue to feel safe in the relationship, but neither do you commit to staying in the M or working on the relationship long-term. During the period while you are “not divorcing”, you can watch your WH to see if he is truly remorseful, truly learning what his issues are that led to his A, and if he is owning those issues and sustaining change in his perceptions and behavior to fix those issues.
During this non-committal time while you observe, it would probably benefit you to do some IC of your own to help process and work through your emotions and to do some values clarification work on what you want for your future. This time of watching, healing, and not divorcing is also a good time to shore up your reserves. Your social support reserves by renewing and expanding your circle of friends. You financial rewards by saving cash, reducing debt, and preparing to have the necessary cash flow and reserves if you decide separation or divorce is the right path for you. Your personal self-esteem by engaging in hobbies, activities, or interests that you may have set aside when you M. Exercise and a good diet will also help you prepare physically and mentally for the stress of R or D, whichever you ultimately decide is best.
Limbo sounds and feels like wasted time with no goal or purpose. The shift to not divorcing provides all of the comfortable lack of sustained commitment to R or D of limbo, but while providing time for the BS to get to acceptance and some healing, and for the WS to achieve some insights to their relationship issues, and time to demonstrate commitment to changing to be a better M partner.