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User Topic: It's her birthday. Do I say anything?
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pretty sure I know the answer, but nonetheless, I ask you guys. I've been debating whether or not I send her a simple "happy birthday" text. No more, no less. I know NC is best, but still.

We are definitely headed for D. Anyway, I am still tempted. What say you?


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1042 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
scarednbroken
♀ Member
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No.

She doesn't deserve your well wishes. She wouldn't for you. NC NC. It would open the door to more hurt.


BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Howie
♂ Member
Member # 41922
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kindness is good,so is justice.It is not good that a betrayal can make one small minded.But..15 year later and after good R,I still don't recognize her birthday.It is my small signal -don't stab me,it mattered.

Posts: 179 | Registered: Jan 2014
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks scarednbroken. SI is a great sounding board for these crazy thoughts. My STBXW was always big on birthdays. That is why I was debating saying anything or remaining silent. Both speak volumes, but I don't want to give the wrong message.

[This message edited by SoulHurts at 8:15 PM, February 17th (Monday)]


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1042 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great point Howie.


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1042 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
BryanP37
♂ New Member
Member # 39685
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way! Don't say a thing! I agree she doesn't deserve any recognition for anything. Absolutely right that it opens you up to more hurt. Ignore her, go dark. If she gets upset you didn't acknowledge her birthday, oh well! Tough shit! NC will be the best route for you until you are shed of her.


BS: Me-38
XWS: Her-34
Married 7 yrs, together 9 years-No kids
Ex had 4 month PA with her best friends husband. Other flings early in marriage confessed during discovery.
Divorce final 6-25-2013.
Carefully reconciling after divorce. 10/2013

Posts: 29 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Texas
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for confirming and talking me off the ledge. I had a great time tonight with some co-workers tonight for her birthday! Beyond that, I'm staying quiet.


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1042 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let me make something clear from my last post. My outing wasn't about her birthday in any way, just it so happened I had a fun night on what happens to be her birthday.


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1042 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
scarednbroken
♀ Member
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you SH!!!


BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday equals "I am still on the hook"

[This message edited by Brandon808 at 9:59 PM, February 17th (Monday)]


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3777 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, just needed to hear it.


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1042 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally great of you to resist saying HB and to go out with friends--yay!!!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4129 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Hope2B
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC means NC...not NC except for a birthday. Stay strong.


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo

Posts: 356 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
Topic Posts: 13

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