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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: judgement
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 3:46 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went out today with my BFF and a friend of hers I am friendly with. We were talking and my breakup came up. I was honest about my cheating and his. There was an immediate feeling of judgement and k felt disgusted. A couple hours later I find out the guy she is messing with has a girlfriend and she knows this. She is an OW...I got so mad internally. We went to dinner had some more honest convo about my abhorrent past behaviors to which I said I made bad choices and am trying to change. Not the first time I've been judged for this but it came as a blow.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2760 | Registered: Oct 2012
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unagie - I was honest about my cheating and his. There was an immediate feeling of judgement and I felt disgusted ...

A lot of people are quite judgmental in nature and seemingly quite proud of the fact. They revel in a smug superiority of "well, i never" attitude that denies the reality that under different circumstances, under different situations, their morality is not guaranteed to last any better than anyone else.

And yet, inside of the WS heart, you can understand the judgement and the vilification. We broke sacred trusts, we hurt our lovers, spouses and partners to the core. Adultery is one of the 10 commandments and at a certain time, historically, we would all have suffered grievous harm at the hands of the spouses, their families, our churches and the community. That bias still exists in our reptile brain. To a outsider, its like we have broken a fundamental rule of nature with our affairs and therefore, we should be judged. Yecch..

However, as Floridaredman says, this is one of those consequences of adultery that we must face.

Sorry you have to go through this.

HUFI


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So wait a minute....the girl that was disgusted by your choices is an OW herself? Did I read that correctly? If so:

Hi there Pot, I'd like you to meet Kettle.

Good for you for owning your past behaviors and choices, and for admitting that you're flawed. You're trying to change. It is evident in everything you do.

I don't even know you, Unagie, but I can see your growth.

(((((Unagie)))))


Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Unagie,
She isn't judging you for your cheating. She is judging you for your remorse. She is judging you for your own self-judgment. You are not excusing the cheating and just being around someone who is self-accountable makes an unremorseful person uncomfortable. jmho


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4000 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
EvolvingSoul
♀ Member
Member # 29972
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brandon nailed it.


Me: WS (52)
Him: Shards (47)
D-day: June 6, 2010
Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010
NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

Digging our way through.


Posts: 308 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Turning the corner.
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes you read that correctly. Thank you Yuri and itainteasy. Brandon I think you're right. It was a slip of the tongue that I even found out she was an OW so..yeah.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2760 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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