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User Topic: Waht is the most "tainted" day of the affair?
♀ Member
Member # 33247
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Valentines Day. Three years ago, I was sitting in a parking lot in a very sketchy part of the city with a flat tire. There was a horrible wind and rain storm going on. My son called from home and reported that one of our for trees had fallen due to the wind, just missing the neighbors' house. I I tried in vain to reach my husband, for nearly an hour. Thanx to AAA I made it home. When he came home an hour later, carrying flowers he had obviously just purchased at the local grocery store, he acted like it was just any other day. When I asked him where he was the entire time I was calling, he said he was riding around on his motorcycle. REALLY? WIND AND RAIN STORM RAGING AND HE IS OUT FOR A LEISURELY RIDE???? I didn't know then what was going on, but shortly after dday, I put the pieces together. It still brings incredible sadness to think how easily he lied to me and how easily I brushed it off. This year for valentines day, he took me to a really lovely restaurant, where we had a great time. I am reclaiming the holiday.

Me: BS
Dday: June 2011
Working on R, one day at a time

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
― Ernest Hemingway

Posts: 965 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanksgiving. He stayed home from a Thanksgiving cruise blaming work at the last second....I actually felt guilty that he was "alone" on Thanksgiving. He sent me on a 4 day cruise with his entire family so he could take the OW out and not have to worry about anything.

Posts: 724 | Registered: Jul 2013
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Member # 42276
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They day it started was a day I went to a book signing by one of my favorite authors. I tried to get him to go with me, that he would like the guy because he's a gamer geek. He wouldn't. That was the day she kissed him, while their kid was strapped in her car. I almost didn't leave that day, something felt weird. I talked myself into it saying "If you trust him, go. If you stay it will seem like you don't trust him."

I cannot read those two books now. I can't even look at them. They are in a box in the closet so I can't see them.

Free Comic Book Day is now a horrible day for me. The night before he "went for a drive" and turns out it was to see her. Got home super late, I got up super early to go do 4 hours at work. Come home, and we go to Free Comic Book day and she was there. She grabbed his ass right in front of me thinking I didn't see.

May 15th was what I always thought of as our "anniversary." It was the day we first exchanged "I love yous." On that day, he basically rejected me when I tried to have a heart to heart on his "flirting" as he was calling it at that time. While I was out walking and trying to figure out what to do, he was online with her trying to help her with her bad living situation, even saying "I wish you could just come live here."

Mother's day that month was bad, too. He always helped the kid get/make me a Mother's Day present even though I'm not his biomom. Last year, she got an elaborate planned out Mother's Day gift that he asked MY advice on how to pick one part of it. Made this big show of me having to turn my back when he came home with bags of his "Mother's Day Shopping." What did I get? Candyland. Nothing else, Candyland to play with the kid. She got flowers, cake mix, frosting, cupcake pans, cupcake liners...I got a $3 board game.

Yeah, they all sucked.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Jan 2014
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Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I ended up giving birth to COM on the exact date of the first time they had sex...

...OW's birthday is the same date as the death of my father...

...OC's birthday is the same as our "fur kid", who we owned for almost 10 years preceding the affair (and whose birthday we have ALWAYS celebrated, as he was our "first child")...

...but, on top of ALL of this, I'd have to say 4th of July, which I never liked anyway, because it reminds me of rodeos and rednecks and drunk people (no offense to rodeo participants, crowds, rednecks, or drunk people). FWH spent it with OW while we were separated, and when we got back together he told me how he spent it alone, depressed, thinking of me (which I found out was a LIE after we R'd, because OW posted pictures of her and my stepDs taken on the 4th).

It's also OW's favorite holiday in the world. She wears clothes emblazoned with the American flag 365 days a year, and had a red, white, & blue July wedding. To this day, that holiday makes me

I wish I could be in a medically induced coma every year on that day.

BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014


Posts: 2315 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
♀ Member
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With OW 1, he was so looking forward to fucking her, that he couldn't be home on my birthday. My sister took me out, there was a terrible thunderstorm, and the restaurant lost power. Memorable. Ruined!

OW 2 - On our anniversary last year, he said he wasn't prepared. I said it was ok, because we knew we loved each other. I am a dumb ass! I got 1 text. She got lunch, $500 earrings, a romantic walk in the park, 7 phone calls and a multitude of texts. Probably sex, too, but I don't really want to know. H is going to be so surprised this year when I do not even acknowledge that we have a 34th anniversary. If we stay together, we will eventually have to pick a new day. I will NEVER celebrate that one again. Ruined!

Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA

Posts: 197 | Registered: Jul 2013
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Member # 39685
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Christmas hands down for me. You can add New Years too. She disappeared for a while on Christmas 2012 afternoon while we were at her parents saying she needed to go to Walgreens for a few things. They are open on Christmas Day around here. I was caught up with helping my mother in law with Christmas dinner so I didn't really notice she was gone almost 2 hours. I did sort of notice she did look a bit rumpled as she did dress very nice that day.

Reality was, she had an encounter with OM at our house Christmas afternoon. She was in my car so I was landlocked at her parents completely unsuspecting of what was going on. She told me later on she feared I would figure it out as she herself lost track of time and didn't think she had time to polish herself up like she wanted to. And to think we had sex that night. Makes me sick!

I didn't celebrate Christmas this year other than a simple dinner with my family. My ex and I did not see each other that day either. We both felt it would be better for our reconciliation process if we just dropped the holidays this year. I don't see myself wanting to celebrate the holidays again. Her affair had an awful effect on me, but this particular incident probably hurt the most. I just don't see a way to reclaim the holidays.

[This message edited by BryanP37 at 2:22 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]

BS: Me-38
XWS: Her-34
Married 7 yrs, together 9 years-No kids
Ex had 4 month PA with her best friends husband. Other flings early in marriage confessed during discovery.
Divorce final 6-25-2013.
Carefully reconciling after divorce. 10/2013

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Texas
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Member # 42513
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the holidays are a wonderful time and so important. i hope you can forget all this pain one day and celebrate again.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Feb 2014
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Member # 39502
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our anniversary is dead to me now. He contacted a prostitute on our 29th anniversary. He didn't see her, she wasn't available, but still ... it killed it.

Me - 49 (BS)
Him - 51 (WH with "8 or 9" prostitutes)
Married 30 years, give or take a few weeks here and there
D-Day - May 4, 2013
Discovered an EA going on since 2010 around that time, too. NC in place now.

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2013
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Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are Two:

My DS birthday. I was out of town on his 21st birthday and WH was going to take him to dinner. My DS discovered the A on this day. Now on his birthday, my heart hurts a little with the reality that my children deserve a better father.

Wedding anniversary. On our 25th ( yes, 25th) wedding anniversary my WH left work, went to MOW house, drank, had sex, came home, watched TV, drank, passed out on couch, woke and went to bed.

When he arrived home from "work" that day I did not bother going downstairs. I knew he would ignore the occasion, as he always did. If he acknowledged it he just might be required to open his wallet and dig through the 5K he kept in there to purchase a gift

The birthday one is worse.

ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2124 | Registered: Nov 2011
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Member # 42093
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

August 24th! Not because the day was a special holiday or occasion. Nope it was your typical Friday! I was waiting in a line outside the DMV, it was already uncomfortable hot outside that morning, and even though I arrived at 8 in the morning the line still stretched well into the back parking lot. See I had that Friday off, and decided to renew my license early. It would be 3 hours before I had my picture taken for the renewal on my new 6 year license. 3 hours of waiting in unconmfortable heat after a night of no sleep. Why you ask? Because that was the night he didn't come home until 7:00 in the morning. So I stayed up, waiting, worrying, expecting a knock at the door. When he finally arrived, he said he'd fallen asleep in his car, I couldn't muster any words, I made another pot of coffee, he went to work and I went to the DMV. I used to find my old drivers licenses and admire how young I looked, or gawk at how ugly the picture was. This drivers license, I barely look at. It will expire in 4-1/2 years and it can't come soon enough.

Me - GF (38)
Him - BF (33)
DDay - 08/13
Together 8 Years
In R

Posts: 133 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I read all these posts I get such a sad feeling in my heart. What the hell is it with people??? What is the alure of an affair knowning damn well that if one is caught it is going to cause pain and destruction not only to the marriage but to everyone involved.

Is the power of sex and the need of ego boosting all worth it in the end? I have asked my h that question many times over. I have told him that in my heart of hearts I hope his a with our neighbor was worth the nightmare he spun us into. He answer is always the same - that the ow was never worth the pain he caused us.

My question remains though - would it have been worth it if they were not caught????? Would they daydream about the affair from time to time (if they don't already) if they didn't have to face their demons and shame by the affair geting outed??? I have also asked my h that question and his answer is the same. He says that no matter what, it was just not worth the trouble. Why the hell didn'the see that then knowing it was dead wrong????

Posts: 2465 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I confirmed DD2 on Feb 12 2012. S a long story but I kind of stumbled upon it. I said nothing. On Val day he wanted to go have dinner..not something thst usually happens but.I went, thinking maybe I was mistaken about the NC break. While we were seated at the restaurant, he excused himself to go to the restroom. He messaged ow while I was sitting at the table waiting on him. I saw that he had sent his first Vday message at 545am to her and several other messages througj out the day. I don't know why he even took me to dinner...surely it was just out of hunger, not love.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5171 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
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Member # 36969
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our anniversary.

He took her out on their first "date" (Ontheir half hour lunch break). I had pneumonia, yet still managed to make him an awesome dinner and greet him lovingly at the door when he came home from work. He gave me a nasty glare and unexplained (at the time) anger. Then he ignored me for the rest of the night to play video games.

DDay: October 7, 2011
R finally started in earnest: April 2014

Posts: 202 | Registered: Sep 2012
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Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Christmas day is d day. enough said.

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 3:24 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have a particular day as such as his cheating was pretty much the length of the relationship. I would get extra fuckery between end of Oct and mid Nov (anniversary and my b/day period). As I was with him since I was 19 for me a lot of 'firsts' are tainted eg new car, travel spots etc.

I am going through a process of reclaiming firsts now and making new memories worth keeping.

Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

Posts: 756 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
♀ Member
Member # 25965
Default  Posted: 3:34 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it would be easier to list the days he didn't taint. Monther's day, found a receipt for an edible arragngement he sent to Skanky. He felt "bad" for her because she had no one. I don't remember what he got me that year. DDay #1, our anniversary. Xmas that year (I work nights as a nurse, came home xmas morning to be greeted by my children showing me what Skanky gave them for xmas.BTW those gifts ended up in the trash). DS's birthday plus Multiple DDays throughout the next 4 years in which we were in IC and MC. EA to PA while we were in MC.

There isn't a time of the year that isn't tainted for me.

T-18y M-15y
2 children (dd-13, ds-12)
1 EA/PA 5/2009-10/2012 (with multiple ddays)
Final dday 4/10/14
*went from EA to PA while we were in MC for over a year.

Divorcing his broken @ss

Posts: 99 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 35475
Default  Posted: 4:37 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Valentine's day has to be the most horrific holiday. My DDay was just 3 days after (yes, I'm just 2 days past the 2 year antiversary.) I cant go shopping anywhere there is a big VDay display that I cant avoid. I dont do anything for fWS and he bends over backwards to make me happy but it doesnt change how miserable of a time that holiday holds.

WS (him) 48
BS (me) 39
Together since 5/13/2005
Married 10/13/2012
No kids together. 3 total between us (17, 15, 13)
Affair started: 12/19/2011
Sobriety birthday: 1/11/2012
D-day: 2/17/2012
R-day: 3/1/2012
"The next time you think you a

Posts: 56 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Leicester, North Carolina
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Christmas....The affair was EA and shortly thereafter went PA. H got me a beautiful diamond necklace that year and professed how much he loved me, how special I was and how much i deserved the necklace. Then he started fucking AP a little over a month later.

Fourth of July. He had to go talk to AP at a gathering and I just thought they were old friends. I was made such a fool of.

Every other holiday, anniversary and birthday in between, because the affair lasted over a year. They were all lies.

Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 677 | Registered: Jun 2012
♂ New Member
Member # 27322
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Birthday, their first kiss, then my mothers birthday, start of sex.

Me:63 BH
Her:54 WW
Married: 27yrs
8 month affair
D-Day 11-10-08
Two Daughter: 18 & 22
In R and doing well

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Oregon
♂ Member
Member # 21587
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The number one would have to be our anniversary. We were in false R from the discovery of OM#1. I was traveling quite a bit out of country, 2 weeks home, 2 weeks abroad. It worked out that I would be home for our anniversary so I made special get away plans for us alone without the kids and without her knowing. I rented a nice cabin in the mountains for the two of us. It had been the first get away alone since our honeymoon. We had a great time. Spent much needed time together healing and working on us.

Little did I know she was involved with OM#2 at that time and was texting him and sending him pics every chance that she had away from me. Telling him how nice it would have been if they could have done a get away together.

Ruined that day for sure. Then there is Valentines day but that's a whole other story......

BS 38
FWW 37 (fireandice)
Married 13 Years - Together 20
D-Day1:Jan 08 (EA OM#1)
D-Day2:8-15-08 (EA/PA OM#2)
DS12, DS9
Divorced 1-27-11
Remember, you don't drown from being thrown in the water. You drown from staying in it.

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
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