Topic: Waht is the most "tainted" day of the affair?
Member # 24416
| Posted: 9:03 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014|
Mine is also my anniversary.
We went to a beautiful resort town on our honeymoon and every year for our anniversary. After having a terrible 20th anniversary (he was so mean, even on our getaway) we had a wonderful 21st anniversary. We went to dinner and walked around in the plaza hand in hand, we sat on a bench and talked about how happy we were. I felt soooo good after the crappy anniversary we had had the year before. We went back to the hotel and after sex, he snuck out of bed to text her in the bathroom.
After D-day I told him I found the message (a lie. I knew he sent one but didn't know what it said) and it said, "HELP ME!" He didn't deny it. He couldn't remember exactly what he said but after that I knew it was somewhere along the lines of "help me get rid of this bitch and I wish it was you here with me."
The A was going on during both anniversaries. Now I refuse to celebrate and I even forgot it last year.
2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.
Married 27 years. Together 29.
3 children 24, 21, 14
OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Member # 10180
| Posted: 9:30 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014|
Sadly it is my oldest child's bday. I **knew** (gut screaming) that day. I chose not to "confront" (I actually just thought it was one sided- a crush my H had taken too far) until the next day. But I was sick the whole night of my son's bday but did not want to ruin it.
In a way my birthday as well (just a few weeks earlier) as it was the first sign of something not being right- fOP made a comment when I was opening my gift from H that she thought the gift was for her when he was actually hiding it at her house for me. HOW THE HECK DID THAT NOT TELL ME EVERYTHING??? She also commented about my not noticing that his laptop was missing as she used it to download photos of my kids to make my birthday gift from her with. CLEARLY she was trying to say- "HELLO!! YOUR H AND I ARE DOING THINGS BEHIND YOUR BACK AND YOU ARE CLUELESS"
I work hard every year to take these days back.
Posts: 1635 | Registered: Mar 2006
Member # 31030
| Posted: 9:31 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014|
Even almost 5 years later...Valentine's Day. He got me ZERO that year--the only year he had never acknowledged me in all of years together--not even a card. I have always loved Valentine's Day. I go all out--get the kids gift bags full of fun stuff. I always got him something special. That year, I remember his business was doing really bad--I was the bread winner at that time. I told him to not worry about it I didn't need anything. Well he took me up on it and then used money from my account to send her $65 worth of roses--I found the receipt hidden in one of his computer folders a month after d-day. It was a punch in the stomach. However, I'm not going to totally surrender that holiday. He has sent me a huge bouquet of flowers each Valentine's Day since...no red roses the type he sent her...he at least has that much sensitivity.
Married 11 yrs, together 16 yrs
Posts: 772 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 40758
| Posted: 12:20 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014|
After a LTA I think they are all tainted.
I totally share what BIONIGAL said. I had one Mothers day. , which now I realize was just at start if A, that I was on and off crying. I cried at the restaurant. My kids thought I was unhappy with their efforts. I couldn't understand it. Everything made me emotional. And I did feel anxious, even a limitless shirt tempered because I didn't. know what was happening .
But I did not get the support of WH, he seemed offended I was not responding how he thought I should. This made me feel even " nuttier" Right after DDay this day I reflected on, and it all made sense. I saw the changes in WH, but I internalized it onto me. I was then very mad that I look whacked in front of kids. But I am relieved now I have an answer.
The other tainted day was not a Holiday. But the snowstorm of 2011, which shut down our area. WH and I made it home from work , kids activities canceled. We made a fire, hot cider, celebrated with kids about no school. We sat in coach , cuddled fell asleep by fire. Talked about us, how nice this feels to watch blizzard, no stress about next day. How this will be how it will feel when kids are older. I thought we shared a lot that night. Maybe I was the only one talking. But I know he saw OW when we went back to our routine.
And for sure this summer. Our 19 Anniversary. I had stronger Gut feelings , was weepy again. And upset that something was not right. But WH was sincere, we had nice evening . So it must be something wrong with me right!
And same month , my 50th BDay. WH threw a surprise party. That really hurts now. I wish he would have done something simple. It was 2 days after BDAy that OW sent txt to his phone. Which I read. He claims that the summer was real, he had ended A, no more Sex. and she was pressuring. I believe she was probably troubled by the anniversary and planning party. Well she certainly got me.
Posts: 113 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 39476
| Posted: 2:07 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014|
Like so many have already stated: Every day that WH turned away from me was a tainted day. During the affair, anytime that he spent with me WH made me miserable. But, New Years is the most tainted. He lied to me that he was going to spend time with his daughter and his grandson. Well, it was with his whore. I am triggering now just thinking about it.
[This message edited by TheBestMe at 2:09 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]
ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years
Both feet pointed forward; positive
Posts: 427 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
Member # 41139
| Posted: 2:13 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014|
Probably our anniversary. Our 5 yr fell one month after DDay1 and 1 month prior to DDay2 in which I found out that not only did the A never stop but that it was a PA and not an EA.
I should have known because it was completely un special for a milestone like that.
Children (1yr) (1 due Mar '14)
DD#1 - 9/28/13 DD#2 11/24/13
Posts: 84 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 13937
| Posted: 3:27 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014|
Not one date specifically but everything from 2002 until 2007. When I found out about the A in 07, I kept telling myself I would go back to Wton to live because we had been so happy there. I remember one night together he just held me and stroked my hair. He would run baths for me and just be present. I felt so connected to him and happy. Turns out there was an a there too. I had no clue.
I will not allow him to take the beach from me though. I WILL retire somewhere on the coast dammit lol.
What are you pretending not to know?
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel
Posts: 1711 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
Member # 42484
| Posted: 3:40 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014|
Since my husband and his OW were both in the delivery room when my son was born ( double betrayal), I would say his birthday is a big trigger for me. But the A started because I was so selfish to not want a surprise party, and that hurt my poor who's feelings so he ran into my BFF's arms for comfort. Then our anniversary falls right in the middle of their A. I still remember the table where we sat and that we discussed if *I would ever have an A. Then there's Christmas. I can't even look at those pictures. He pretty much ruined everything. All the good and happy times are tainted now. It sucks.
Me: BS 45
Him: fWH 48
OW: my BFF well not forever apparently
Lots of kids, married 22 years
On the fence about R or D?
Posts: 109 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 34836
| Posted: 4:44 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014|
Valentine's Day which is also our Anniversary is a bad one even though it was 4 years ago. He forgot to even get me a card that year. Course he spent 2 days with his OW on one of his "trips" just 2 days prior. I had a horrible time finding a "suitable" card the last couple years. They were all lies and not truly how I feel now.
Christmas, which always used to be my favorite holiday.....also a huge trigger now.....as well as my bday which is right before Christmas and his Bday which is right after Christmas.
I guess the whole time period between Thanksgiving and April fool's day is hard. The other days which are not holidays are the days he has to travel. Took me a year and a half to finally figure out there was an A and they carried it out by her always having some appointment on the same days WH had a mtg....very convenient.
[This message edited by BetrayalHurts at 4:45 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]
M 25 years
BW Me - 50's
WH Him - 60's
OW 25 years younger
D-Days too numerous to mention last D-day being 12-2-11 *OW went on fishing trip 5-21-13*
"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"
Posts: 353 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Colorado
Member # 8291
| Posted: 5:50 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014|
Only second to V day would be Christmas. I remember h asking me a week before Christmas if I wanted to do a gift exchange with 2 neighbors which seemed odd to me. I asked him why would we do this and he said it was because "She" thought it would be a nice thing to do between friends. Looking back it was just a big set up by whore to give my h a gift. The a started 3 weeks later . His gift then was getting bi-weekly blow jobs for the next 6 weeks.
Oh, did I meniton that when I went to open my gifts that Christmas day, there was nothing for me.
Posts: 2423 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 38495
| Posted: 6:27 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014|
Unfortunately- Christmas- the holiest day!!
D-day was in May 2012. A few months later I found an e-mail chat that my idiot wh forgot to erase. It was from Christmas day 2011 and he sent the ow a self-portrait of him with our kids that he took himself on our tripod with the following message (he sent it after I went to bed).
"I love you so much!! In twelve hours you'll be taking 'him' (ow's fiance) to the airport and we can finally be together! I can't wait to hug and kiss you until you beg me to stop! This feeling I have I hope it never ends!!"
Well- lets just say that for me- Christmas won't ever be the same again! Meanwhile- working on my ducks to remove the sicko from my life!!
[This message edited by mj052 at 6:29 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]
Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!
Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: mj052
Member # 38405
| Posted: 10:25 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014|
Christmas, I found out 36 hours before... December is always a sucky month for me.
Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!
Posts: 638 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Member # 41617
| Posted: 11:08 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014|
It was our 31 year anniversary. He said the EA was ended and wanted to R. Then that night told me he needed to go away for a week and have time alone to think. I said OK, get some rest.
Months later I found the bills for last minute plane ticket,a hotel and expensive dinners out in New York. Yep, he had gone with OW #1. Their EA graduated to a PA and they got to see some great Broadway shows!!! Happy anniversary to me.
Working on R but not celebrating anniversaries yet.
Me: BS 56
He: SAFWH 56
Married 34 years
SA behavior + 2 affairs. I was clueless.
Posts: 66 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Vancouver, BC
Member # 8291
| Posted: 3:11 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014|
Like I said….it saddens me to read all of these posts. It just confirms my theory that people don't give a shit about the person they suposedly care about.
Posts: 2423 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 39169
| Posted: 6:02 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014|
My birthday. He sent me flowers for the first time in 20 years. He was sexting at least seven other women that day as I was reading the card about what a great twenty years it had been. Fuck you, cheater.
40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller
Posts: 634 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 40392
| Posted: 6:39 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014|
Just about every day has been fuckered up since DDAY. Its kind of hard to pick.
Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”
Posts: 600 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Member # 40032
| Posted: 6:48 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014|
Our wedding anniversary.
BW- mid 50's (me)
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...
Posts: 535 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 38421
| Posted: 8:39 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014|
Our anniversary. Nov 3. He was texting her right in front of me at the table where we went to have our celebration dinner. When I asked him to put his phone away he commented that it "was so and so from work and once she gets started talking she wont stop." well, I knew "so and so" and I was confused because I couldn't imagine that she would keep texting while we were on an anniversary date. SHe was too mature for that. stupid me I didn't ask any more questions! Turns out it wasn't her but the OW from work. His personal secretary.
Then, the Friday after Thanksgiving. I was visiting my mom out of town and he had her over for the day for a movie and a fuck in our bed. Thanksgiving will never be the same for me. And, I still have to live in this house he fucked her in.
Next, our only sons 16th BD. You cant get that back ever. He was mean and nasty to me during that time - post D day - and he'd decided he wanted to D to be with her. HE planned a whole evening with my son on his 16th Birthday without me.
I wonder why I stay.....
Me: BS 53 Him: WH 51
M: 28 years
DDay 11/25/12 TT 9/9/13
OW:20 yrs younger McOW
Kids: 2 teens
Posts: 187 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Dark Hell
Member # 34926
| Posted: 10:18 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014|
Our anniversary. Based on what he told me, the day they had sex was only two days before our first.
Posts: 292 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Utah
Member # 39362
| Posted: 10:48 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014|
Wow, another one for the anniversary column. I'm sadly surprised there are so many.
Ex wanted us to take a trip together for our anniversary and begged me to renew our vows (red flag). While we were there he started drinking, which surprised me because he had been dry (around me) for a couple of years (another red flag).
The night before we came home, he got super drunk and told me he didn't deserve me, he was going to let me be free, I deserved to be loved, etc. When I reminded him of what he said the next day, he was super apologetic. But you can't unring a bell.
The day after we returned was our anniversary. He left immediately after dinner and said he had to go to the office to get mail since we had been gone.
He was gone for hours and wasn't answering his phone. He finally called after midnight with a stupid story and so began the end.
There is always a rainbow after every storm.
Posts: 401 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
|Topic Posts: 74|