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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 13
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where is the rest of the tribe?


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 294 | Registered: Aug 2013
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here!!!


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4851 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I took some of the advice on here and went to the Vet to get me some doggy Xanax to save money. It worked! Itís weird though, I didnít think Iíd be slobbering so often, and having to wipe my chin so much in social situations. Itís ok though, the bartender pretends not to notice.
(they seem to be asking me a lot of questions lately about my life, well no, thatís not quite true thinking about it, itís more about can I call you a cab).
I think itís side effects.

Things smell, Different? Better? Better. Iím landing on that since wait <scratchscratchscratch>
I DO feel better.
And being able to waitaminnit lick lick slurp lick a minnit slurp lick lick lick ahh
Hoo hooo!

Woulnít you?
See? Iím losing my language on here.
It comes from probing the ineffable thank that is in you.
O wait theres a squirrel
GET OFFA NY LAWNJ O THERES A CAT BICH!


Posts: 6423 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll have whatever JJ is having.


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 294 | Registered: Aug 2013
Toodevoted
♀ Member
Member # 33149
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll join you with that chipped!


BS (me): 44
WH: 44
DD: Dec 2009 but let him rugsweep

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2011
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7992 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here!

jj!


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 486 | Registered: Nov 2013
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Meow!!!!!


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4851 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Clearly, I need to not follow my own vets advice.
hey dang! why do you smell so dang good? Don't listen to me just laugh.

Posts: 6423 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is the seat next to jj still open???

I knew that last thread was filling up fast...

Welcome to 13!


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5608 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So mayor of crazy town harassed me into going to therapy with him on Friday. Turned out to be his therapist who just thought he was a run of the mill mean drunk. When all the good stuff came out, the therapist told him that the relationship was over and he needed to never contact me again. Mayor actually asked him why he hated him! WTF? On brighter note he has stopped texting me. Yay!


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 294 | Registered: Aug 2013
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On brighter note he has stopped texting me. Yay!

How rare! An NPD that follows orders!!!!


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4851 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Adding 'in law' shows he's to lazy to look for a card that says DIL on it. And it also shows you that you're not a daughter to him.
I'd say he's NPD.

My MIL was NPD. Her sister is a mean, sometimes suicidal bipolar.

I'm curious. How common is this - for NPD to run in families? I've read a little bit about it. Sometimes I worry about my children, but so far they are loving little empathetic creatures. (7 and 9).

Does anyone else worry?


Posts: 1590 | Registered: Oct 2011
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How common is this - for NPD to run in families?

I have heard of this too.

MIL is definitely NPD. For the common observer, it may seem like FIL is the more abrasive of the two, but knowing how an NPD can make a spouse look like the bad guy really opens your eyes. It is the way MIL acts during family supper, like we must make a pilgrimage to their house every other week. She is a catholic school teacher. Volunteers in multiple areas of the community. A pillar of goodness. She is also the one who in so many words called ME a whore for divorcing my abusive philandering husband.

So yeah, I think it runs in the family.

All her kids are effed up from her. She seemed to blame me for her effed family dynamic last time I talked to her. Sorry, MIL, I have only been around 6 years. If any female has fucked up your sons, it was you.


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 486 | Registered: Nov 2013
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I worry. A lot!

I grew up with a mother with NPD and an enabling father. My father and I were a team. He never disparaged my mother to me, even when she would take her jealous anger out on me. He did teach me ways to see her manipulations. I wish he taught me boundaries.

As my kids have gotten older, I've tried to teach them to see the manipulations and validate thief truth and set boundaries. It's worked for 3 out of 4 kids. The 4th kid doesn't want much to do with me. I feel like she's following the money, (he has it, I don't) but I'm not so sure that's what's going on.

I have to let it go-she's an adult.

It sucks, but not much I can do.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4851 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone else worry?

Yes. Watch out for it if there is a "golden child" favored for no reason by the NPD. I actually think the reduced exposure to the NPD is a good thing. And empathy can be nurtured in your children.

This worry faded for me with time. Once I got comfortable parenting (not coparenting) but full on doing the parenting, re-parenting or parallel parenting, I lost a lot of this fear.

I think this is where the age appropriate honesty becomes so important. The kids have to trust what they are feeling, what they see in you as you grieve, and the "what is wrong with him?" questions they begin to have about dad.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5608 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, February 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone else worry?

Yes and no for DD.

CG's reparenting suggestion is the approach I am taking. Already, as a toddler, DD comes back dazed from visits with STBX. I think he just makes her do the cute toddler thing and she gets so tired. It takes an effort for me to help her recover. So I worry.

Luckily, he asks for time with her so infrequently. That will probably change when she gets older and is more self sufficient. Or when there is a parenting plan in place.


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 486 | Registered: Nov 2013
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Tribe!

I definitely want what jj is having!

I keep looking at my dog, he is so damn happy, no stress, so confident that he is loved.

It makes me want to be a dog.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1250 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all.

I'm wondering if everyone's WS had an "official" diagnosis of NPD or if some of you are here because you see the traits or a counselor has suggested your WA is NPD but they aren't qualified to actually diagnose them, etc.

Thanks.


Me: BS 44
Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat
Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
Heading for Divorce
3 kids: 15,17,19

Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart, wait for The Lord.


Posts: 1692 | Registered: Aug 2013
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