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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 13
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've decided this song just about sums it up for a lot of us…It's My Immortal by Evanescence.
"My Immortal"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face—it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice—it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

...me, me, me.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We're married to a color blind person without knowing it, and we spend our whole essence trying to explain "pink".

One of my favorites.


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 497 | Registered: Nov 2013
Quakingaspen
♀ Member
Member # 41153
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((TRIBE)))

Hugs to everyone. Yes, and yes, and yes! Thank you for inspiring me with your strength and wisdom! Thank you for sharing yourselves.

Ugh, I'm fighting myself. My youngest got a flash of clarity on dad's nature last week and it has been very painful and angry in the house since. He's been complaining about missing the kids, and not getting to see them enough, but ignoring the fact that I haven't put restrictions on, and if he were to suggest a time, I would probably go along with it. I have asked him not to come to the house when planned a few times just because *I* could not deal with him, but that doesn't mean he couldn't pick them up and do something. But he chooses to complain about it instead. It's bit him in the butt. Officially. Now all of the kids are angry with him and avoiding him. It doesn't help that he treats them like extensions of me, and treats me like ... I don't know ... passive aggressive, with his actions hostile and disrespectful, even while his words are all submissive and cloying.

And ironically, I feel bad for the bastard. It must really suck to be so incapable. I know that I can comprehend all he's lost between me and the kids. (Look, I'm awesome, okay. Hard-won self-love, shaky, but there.)But he can't comprehend it, because all he sees are the right-now-not-getting-what-he-wants problems. I need to remember that he has no idea of what all he's lost, because he just doesn't get it. Just can't.

I am wondering where you guys are with calling it abuse. I have gotten to a point where I am sort of debating with myself whether I want to believe it was abuse(please be gentle), whether it will be helpful to come to terms with that for myself, what that would mean, or if I even really have to deal with that now. I'm afraid that acknowledging how badly his behavior affected me for so long (I developed a panic disorder for Pete's sake) will make it impossible to co-parent, but on the other hand, I'm afraid of minimizing my and the kids' experience. But I don't want to be overblowing it either. I'm feeling back in the trap a bit.

Sorry to be all over the place, but, well, I guess that's where I'm at! The good news is that there's been forward motion on legal separation. My shallow breaths are getting a tiny bit deeper.


I've seen enough.

WS-SA/NPD
D-Day: Too many in 17 years of marriage. LAST time 10/17/2013.


Posts: 122 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: A little bit closer to Reality
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

QA- I'm glad you asked that question re: abuse.

Somewhere in my mind I know my WH has been emotionally abusive. In case I didn't know it I've been told by friends, family, IC, and MC.

It's hard to get my head wrapped around it. I don't think he was intentionally abusive and I don't think he would consider it abuse. That doesn't mean it isn't.

For myself, it just means that I am trying to become more aware of what is and is not appropriate and I need a LOT of reassurance. Like, I totally can't trust myself when I think something is wrong. I will probably drive my BFFs crazy before this is all said and done because they are constantly hearing, "is it just me or is this wrong?".

Latest example is my WH texting me this afternoon regarding my DD coming home from the hospital (yay!) after a suicide attempt last week. I warned him she was in a mood because I didn't give her phone back. Part of his response was:

"Maybe think twice before disrupting everyone's life and kill herself."

DISRUPT everyone's life???? Are you kidding me right now?

But I needed assurance that it was indeed inappropriate. (And of course, if y'all want to reassure me too, I'll take it!)

I think emotional abuse is so insidious and subtle that you don't even notice when it creeps in there sometimes. Other times it's blatant (having your A right under my nose and not even trying to hide it when he knows we still had to live together).

I'm looking forward to feedback from the others on your post.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am wondering where you guys are with calling it abuse.

It is abuse. Straight-up. The further away you get, the more you realize it too.

OK. Time for the picture again ... A photography class assignment. Self-portrait. 1 year post-divorce.



Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7818 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Look how pretty you are!!!!


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Waving at Wb2.

If our x's didn't set us free - we would never have found SI and ' met'.

When I count my blessings y'all get counted twice!!!!

Love this place!
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5162 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Nek!

What you said is so true, Kajem. Out of this pain have come some of my greatest blessings.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7818 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 5:42 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

QA and Nek,

I too have questioned, for so long, "is it abuse???" for years, I have questioned.

Things I told myself to not see it, "sometimes he is so loving", "he doesn't mean it", "he never hit me", "he said he was sorry", "he was drinking", "he is harder on himself than he is on me", "what am I doing to make him think that about me???", "I am too sensitive", "I am making too much of it".

I used to google, "what is abuse", and every other combination of that question I could think of. Then I would shut down that computer along with my thoughts.

In therapy for the last year, I would ask, over and over, "it really was abuse, wasn't it?" IC would gently, say, "yes Can, it really was". We would go over specific incidences, I still needed to hear it from someone else. It was if I had lost all trust in my own perceptions.

I knew that I would never treat someone, anyone like he treated me. I knew that he would never allow me to treat him like he treated me. I knew I did not like it, it hurt.

Even stbxwh would admit that he had been abusive. His rationale everytime after admitting it was, "but you allowed it". As if that made it okay. As if that took away his responsibility for being abusive.

Yes, I stayed, that is my contribution. I always joked that I have a broken thermostat. "Normal" people would be see the mistreatment immediately but for me it didn't register until the furnace had exploded and the house burned down and the fire department had already been and gone.

Then I would wonder, "did something bad happen?"

I was abused from childhood. It was my normal. When h and I met the first two years were amazing. He treated me like gold. Well, actually looking back, not really, but it was better than I had ever been treated. I could do no wrong as far as he was concerned, everything I did was wonderful. He did a lot wrong but I forgave, rationalized because I did not want to see, could not face the fact of the abuse. I wanted that good too badly.

I wanted to believe that the good was the real him, not the anger and abuse. I wanted to believe that the angry man was the aberration.

In 2010, I remember the exact scene, I came home from work, the night before had been another raging mess. He tried the same tact, the I'm sorry. A wall came up in me, I was shut down. I said, "no, do not tell me you are sorry, don't ever say that again, it has no meaning because you do the same thing over and over. Just stop treating me like that". That was my big stand, so sad. That was all I had in me to stand up for myself.

For two years, I was in a cocoon, trying to not engage at all. I buried myself in books, cleaning, cooking and doing everything I could to not stir his anger. He still raged of course, it was hell. Then his opportunity for new kibbles came along.

When he came back after three months, I was different, I had hit my bottom. He expected me to become the same, quiet, accepting, submissive doormat. She was gone. This unrelenting force was growing in me. The pain had been so intense that I became driven to learn and change, become stronger.

This past year was the hardest of my life. I was fighting myself to not slip back and I was fighting him to not be pushed back into that box. I stood up for myself and demanded more from him than he was capable of. I questioned him about everything, made demands on his "emotions", it was terrifying at times. I knew that if I just backed down, went with the established patterns, all would quiet down, except I would lose myself again. I felt like I was fighting for my life.

He could not take it, he doesn't have the capacity for love, honesty, he cannot bond, he just wanted a thing.

So he found a new thing.

He is trying to recycle, but I am so much stronger this time. The words do not pull as much this time. I learned over this last year that words really have no meaning coming from someone with no feelings. I never knew that before, a bit naive I guess. I always meant the words that I said, so I foolishly assumed that others did too.

The abuse is now my defense, my tool for keeping myself safe. I still feel the pull, my emotions feel the pull, I hurt, I miss the illusion of love. Those words feel like a balm for my heart, but my brain, my brain reminds me over and over, remember the actions, remember the abuse, that is what is real.

So after this long story, yes, it really is abuse. Write it down when you remember something, everytime you start to feel the pull use one of those actions to keep you strong. It is real, the abuse is real.

I guess I have been holding a lot in for a while. Thank you again all for being my safe haven for all of this. I know that you understand and don't judge. It is a gift to have a safe place for this pain and craziness. A place of understanding.

Can


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14


Posts: 1361 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing, Can.

I'm so glad you are getting stronger. I hope in some small way I am too!!

My FIL was emotionally abusive with MIL. I don't know why I could see that, but couldn't see it from WH.

In fairness, WH wasn't always abusive. He was broken and hurt from things in his past unrelated to me, but he wasn't abusive. That's only been since 2006 or so that we started down this slippery slope.

For us, it started the day that my own abuse within the church was validated by the church. My life as I knew it took an abrupt turn at that moment. Long story short, WH responded to my reaction to having my abuse validated (PTSD) with more abuse of the same kind. He told me I was going to hell and he wished he'd known THAT before he married me. That was just the beginning.

Basically my PTSD and recovery process was more than he can deal with. It stirs his own anxieties and because I wasn't doing what he wanted (despite having support from my IC on what I WAS doing), he chose to leave. Only he didn't leave, he cheated. And according to him leaving had been part of his plan for years. Wish I had known all those expressions of love over those years were just well crafted lies. Unless of course, that's just him rewriting marital history.

Yeah- the guy who is cheating on me is leaving me because he didn't like my stance on God and religion.

He has also said the day he started separating from me emotionally was the day I gave him an ultimatum about his porn use. My daughters had found porn on his phone the day before. We had an agreement in place regarding porn use, since it had been made obvious through theany cycles of broken promises and lies that he was going to use potn with or without my consent, the porn on his phone was a violation of the agreement.

I went apeshit, threw away all the porn in the house and told him to make a choice. Me or the porn. I wasn't divorcing him, but our relationship was going to change in a huge way if he was going to continue to use porn.

He chose the porn. He just didn't tell me that.

So, so sad....

BUT- new beginnings are fast approaching.

If FINALLY staying true to my morals and ethics cost me my marriage, then so be it.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's such a great pic. Love seeing it again.
I haven't taken a photography class, but somewhere I read about the 'rule of 3's'.
1 - read that hand. No, really read it. Imagine it.
Inside. For yourself. Internalize those up front, in your face 'first things'.
2 - the eyes, see where they're looking? To something new, 'out there', above and beyond expectations.
3 - the other hand, holds on to something beautiful, blooming.

The whole is greater than the sum of the parts - notice the push-pull dynamic of the whole. It's like she's leaving, 'going somewhere', yet wanting to leave the message - the crucial thing - before going, before joining the blooming sky future.
That pic is like a good sip of wine to me...

A reminder of the push-pull dynamic that occurs with all of us, as we seek to detach from abuse and abusers. Eyes on the sky. Grasp the new bloom QA.


Posts: 6617 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice breakdown of the pic, jj.

Making me ponder new art project...


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is abuse!! It's their way to manipulate, it doesn't mean it isn't abusive.

Anything that causes pain that doesn't help foster growth or healing is abusive! They were doing their best to break us emotionally, it is abuse.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5162 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Quakingaspen
♀ Member
Member # 41153
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wb2 - Thank you for sharing a beautiful picture of a beautiful lady!

Things I told myself to not see it, "sometimes he is so loving", "he doesn't mean it", "he never hit me", "he said he was sorry", "he was drinking", "he is harder on himself than he is on me", "what am I doing to make him think that about me???", "I am too sensitive", "I am making too much of it".

I used to google, "what is abuse", and every other combination of that question I could think of. Then I would shut down that computer along with my thoughts.

That is me. Exactly. I had to chuckle a little that I wasn't the only one googling for validation and shutting it down. I too am driving people crazy with reassurance seeking. My oldest told me, "Mom, you don't have to clear your plan with me, I know you've got it. You're the bomb!"

nekorb and Can - You both mentioned the intention thing, and that is kind of a sticking point for me too. I'm realizing that whether that is his stated intention or not, or whether I want to accept that he intended it or not, he still did it.

I think WH inherited NPD from his father, but he also got a lot of passive aggressive coping mechanisms from his mother. Yeah, the family is a hot mess. One of his favorite tactics was acting like a child if he thought I was angry with him. Many times I wasn't even angry, and I would be so lost and wondering what I had done to make him act like I was such a monster. Was I really that mean? No, it was all part of the control. That was why it worked, he came off as passive, and I worried that I was the dominating one, that it was all my fault, which made me work harder to prove it wasn't true, to give him more control, to prioritize him.

So his mom came to visit the kids, and made a comment that kind of sticks in my craw. She said that in DD's bday picture, DD looks disappointed at the small size of the stack of gifts in front of her. Um. No. Never. And then MIL pushed it saying, "Yeah, I noticed that!" DD just sort of blew it off, but now MIL will be here for DS's birthday coming up, and DS told me he's afraid he will not react big enough for her and that she will think he's ungrateful. So yeah, we're definitely not opening gifts in front of her. I'm just sort of blown away at the tactics they use. I advised him to cheese it out if he was really worried about it. He's just not a big reactor, and if they can't accept that, whatever. I'm just feeling like I want to be so far done with these people messing with my kids! What makes them think it is okay to do this stuff?

I feel like such a dork, I just figured out I could expand the typing window.

I love the breakdown of the picture jj. I want to go there.

So, accepting it is abuse. All the times I said I thought so, I was right. I'm going to sit with this for a while.


I've seen enough.

WS-SA/NPD
D-Day: Too many in 17 years of marriage. LAST time 10/17/2013.


Posts: 122 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: A little bit closer to Reality
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One thing that I have noticed lately, the errant thoughts, the subconscious?

"it was not that bad"

It seems to drift through my mind when I am not paying attention.

Where does that come from???

It shocked me when I caught it the other day. No wonder this is so hard and painful, a part of me still is fighting the truth.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14


Posts: 1361 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can: Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I could have written them myself except somehow I wasn't able to put it into words.

I've done the same thing over and over about abuse. I'd make excuses for people to treat me badly: "They're upset", "They've had a hard time", "They didn't mean it", "They have a headache", "They're really a good person", etc, etc, ad nauseum.

I wasn't really told I was controlling (except lately) but always told I was always depressed. He told me, "You act like you are the only victim here! I was a victim too! You were always depressed!!"

Was I always depressed? No, but maybe I wasn't that happy either, because of the emotional abuse and the gut feeling that he was cheating and I was being gaslighted like crazy.

If I called him out on something he said or did that was hurtful, just saying quietly and calmly, "You know when you said x, it hurt" I was told I was too sensitive or it was twisted and turned to the point that I was the one who was apologizing to him!

Too many years of this crap from WH and BPD Mom has made me question my own self and I guess that is why, like a lot of people here are saying that I would have great difficulty self validating and asking others, "Is it me, or is what he said hurtful?"


Posts: 1939 | Registered: Jan 2010
GreatRoleModel
♀ Member
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wb2 you look so happy and content in the picture...good for you and your kids.

QA I could have written the same thing about gift giving with NPDX and his family. Towards the end buying gifts for him became a chore because he took the joy out of giving because I would always wonder was it enough, does he feel special enough, is it what he wanted, etc...I can't tell you how many gifts he returned from me, the kids and my family. Then if you didn't respond his gift giving in an exact way you were called out as being ungrateful or the opposite of pointing out how great a gift it was for him to get you and then ask incessantly for the next day or two for kudos for such great gift giving powers. All I can say is that I stopped that cycle being passed down to my kids. They are very grateful for no matter what they receive and they know its not about the material possessions.

Can the statement of "its not that bad" rings true. I am a person that is grateful for what I have in life and know there are so many other people and families that are struggling with finances and health. At one point during false R I said to a friend life could be worse and at least I am not in Hatti. My friend stopped and me and said look at how extreme you had to go to justify his actions. I know pretty bad huh. That was a wake up call.

Honest I was accused of being depressed too when in actuality I was tired and in my shell of unhappiness because of the way I was being treated and gas lighted. There was not a chemical imbalance in my brain just an imbalance in my spouse's immature brain that was projected onto me.

You all are amazing group of survivors and some of the strongest people I know. I do not post often but I draw so much strength from the tribe. Thank you!


[This message edited by GreatRoleModel at 11:37 AM, April 8th, 2014 (Tuesday)]


BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
DIVORCED!!!
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!

Posts: 342 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, the gift giving thing stuck out to me in that last post.

I can recall - generally, not specifically - hearing from WH that he didn't think I liked gift abc because I didn't seem excited about it.

I remember thinking that I really liked or loved the gift and had no idea what he was talking about, but because it wasn't the reaction he was looking for, I must not have liked the gift.

Huh. Interesting.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So DD15 and I ventured up to San Francisco this past weekend for a little g2g with the NorCal SI group (see my thread in F&G for pics). While we were there we happened upon a street concert being performed by Passenger ("Let her Go"). It was fantastic! My DD was ecstatic and proclaimed that this was the "best vacation EVER!" I'm not kidding when I say that she squealed in a range outside of human hearing when she realized who the guy with the guitar was that was setting up to play.

Anyway, I was looking at videos from the songs we heard, and this one I feel will resonate with my Tribemates.

Passenger "Holes"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmQ697_jUH8


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7818 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the guy who is cheating on me is leaving me because he didn't like my stance on God and religion.

I often tell people who ask why we divorced that we had aaa difference of religious opinion, he thought he was God, I disagreed.

And it's true!

The abuse is like being the frog in the water. If you boil the water first the frog doesn't willingly go into the pot. The same is true if abusers show their true cord right from the beginning. If you put he frog in he water and then turn on the heat, the frog won't know he's being boiled to death.

We are like the frog finding out he's being boiled only he gets out before death occurs. Depending how long we stayed in the relationship is how deep the wounds are. The deeper the wounds the longer the recovery.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5162 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
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