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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 13
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This must be some sort of a sign.... I can't find my books!!!!

I haven't missed them, either.

Backstory.... I moved end of September and lived with dd until a few weeks ago when I got my own place. I'm moving my stuff from storage a few boxes at a time. I packed my special books in a box that was not to go to storage. I didn't want it getting buried, so I kept that box close. I can't find it!

Maybe it's a sign I don't need them! Or my minds going? Most likely the latter.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4834 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear kajem
I've lost everything.
Everything without me is full of everything I wished, still
"I love you"
is something
that comes from within.

Bent low and healing I say.
honest speaking
still
leads to leaking tear's sigh says
FORGIVE

(cuz throu your actions)
Now I've found me. B9itch!

I have to be honest here to tribe, cuz these dam wet cheeks.


Posts: 6423 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry tribe and kajem, my feelings are so sad right now, it's unexplainable, and I want to explain it. We need to give ourselves time. It will come. Many words have to me. Just right now I'm sorry, they don't.

Posts: 6423 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((jj))))))

Posts: 11387 | Registered: Mar 2008
Caretaker1
♂ Member
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can someone please list cluster b or bpd or NPD examples and how is it officially diagnosed? Mist on this thread are assuming undiagnosed cluster b psychological issues. I definitely can relate as I lived with someone who was just bizarre, angry, rageful, controlling, overexsgerrsted responses to everyday challenges, crying and yelling in same pdays, charming outside, Jekyll and Hyde walking on eggshells draining devaluing super critical pos.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe it is the full moon???

I am in agony tonight. The internal conflict, I miss so badly the illusion, how can that be?

I miss the ghost, the man that wanted to keep me safe.

I miss my fantasy.

I know he never existed but still how could it seem so real and now be only a dream?

I want to scream and pound my fists, it hurts, how can this be real?

I went to NY today with my sister, a treat, a play and it turned into a day of triggers.

I was there last October, for my birthday, with him. It was such a nice day, a close day, a fun day but it was all a lie!!! That is what I struggle with now, the triggers of what I believed was the truth and now what I know the real truth was. It makes me want to lie down and die. The cruelty is beyond my comprehension, tonight the tears just won't stop.

There is no way to have comfort in this, It is just cruelty, there is nothing but acceptance of the truth and time. Tonight though it feels like a knife to my heart, a physical pain, like my brain is being twisted.

There is not way to right this wrong, there is no gentle healing, there is no compassion, the pain is all mine, time, time, time and then acceptance.

I hate that I feel like I will never be the same.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1240 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((can)))

Posts: 11387 | Registered: Mar 2008
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((all who are hurting)))

When there is one in our community who is hurting in such a way that there are really no words to console... No adequate expression of sympathy... No way to hug... No chance to hold.

The words become a jumble stuck in the throat. Near to the heart.

We all wear a black band and pray. Hoping that she will once again rise up from the ashes.



Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7779 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Can & jj)))

I'm sorry y'all are having a rough nite. Maybe that full moon is pulling the tears out of you. Regardless, know that it will pass.

Can, we will never be the same again. We will be better.

(((SINPDPEEPS)))


Me: BS 44
Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat
Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
Heading for Divorce
3 kids: 15,17,19

Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart, wait for The Lord.


Posts: 1682 | Registered: Aug 2013
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:32 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((jj))))))

((((((((Can)))))))


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4834 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 6:00 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((jj))) I hope you are feeling better this morning, I didn't even see your post last night, too many tears.

Too all thank you for your hugs.

A bit better this morning, just sad and exhausted. Sometimes, when you get hit with the triggers and have to hide them, it builds up until you feel you will explode.

It needed to come out last night, I know it will get better, up and down is normal for now. It is hard to remember that during the extreme pain, it feels as if it really will kill you, almost like you wish you would die from it. You forget that there is anything but pain.

Hope, hope seems to disappear, it is hard to remember hope when you are in that much pain.

I have been searching all week for a support group, real life people to be able to talk to, a place that I might fit, something that maybe I can afford. Call after call, I didn't fit anywhere, until Tuesday afternoon, a therapist returned my call, I explained, I don't fit in the group. She called me back, she said she wanted to help me, she said that it is the hardest thing to get through the emotions when detaching from these types of people.

She is going to see me on Monday, we will talk about payment, she said we will see what I can afford, maybe $25, that I could manage. She seems to understand and not just put it in the "abuse, you see it, get over it" category. She seemed to understand the symptoms, she seemed to understand that my reactions, my pain, is a normal reaction to abnormality. She spoke of cognitive disounance, trauma, lack of validation, maybe, just maybe she gets this. I hope so, I hope it will help to take the edge off.

It is getting hard riding this emotional roller coaster alone in real life. Pretending, smiling, working, trying to act as if I am functioning while I am walking around with my insides still bleeding.

JJ, I really hope you are better today. I have to work but I will check throughout the day. Please update if you can, I will be thinking of you. I wish I could have reached out to you last night. I wish that we could all have an emergency hot line to each other. It is so hard to feel like this alone.

Someday, the tears will not be so agonizing, hope.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1240 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's a funny tidbit from last night just to give y'all something else to focus on...


Last night WH asked me if I was going to give him any spices out of the cupboard.(you know, as part of his half of the marital assets)

I actually couldn't contain my laughter. I said no. That he would have no idea what spices he was going to use until he started cooking.

Just wow.


Me: BS 44
Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat
Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
Heading for Divorce
3 kids: 15,17,19

Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart, wait for The Lord.


Posts: 1682 | Registered: Aug 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks (((Tribe)))
Grieving s'all...give it time. Feel it. It will be ok in time.
Love you guys.

Posts: 6423 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
determinata
Member
Member # 42124
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SAWH checks ALL of the boxes on the NPD traits list. He's an overachiever at being NPD. He is verrry special.

This morning I texted him to ask if he did any sex addiction recovery work this morning. He said "no". We are separated and I'm the one who is taking care of our infant all day, all night but he's the one who is too tired to work on his problems chronic masturbating, nonstop fantasizing and having sex with prostitutes. Well, he's too tired AND he doesn't really have a problem. I have a problem. Well, he does have a problem with genital warts but as soon as those disappear, he'll be great!

Hello tribe. So sorry we need to be here with each other.


Married 2007
DDay #1 Sept 2008: Prostitutes
Married to Sex Addict WH "ActionsOverWords"
Wonderful infant DS

6 years of TT, hidden STD and false R.
Physically separated, emotionally divorced.
I am determined to be happy, whole, healthy.


Posts: 77 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York City
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((can)))

((jj)))

I am in agony tonight. The internal conflict, I miss so badly the illusion, how can that be?

I miss the ghost, the man that wanted to keep me safe.

I miss my fantasy.

I know he never existed but still how could it seem so real and now be only a dream?

I want to scream and pound my fists, it hurts, how can this be real?

I came into this thread today to post exactly this ^^^. The surreal feeling of not being able or wanting to let go of who I believed he was. the way I keep clinging to some weird hope that what we had WAS special damnit! That all his words of devotion, of my meaning so much to him, meant something, even if not what I meant when I said the same things.

But, he has all the NPD traits. He said all sorts of loving things while betraying me, lying to me, justifying his behavior because I was too demanding, or a slut, or kept too much leftover bacon fat in the fridge, or whatever.

I keep trying to think...all the blame-shifting and anger, it came out of shame. Shame is a big part of his NPD, came from his treatment from his dad, dominated and drove his secret life. So maybe, next to the shame, there really was love there?

And then I try to smack myself and say, It just doesn't matter! what matters is that he is toxic, he is not like me, his actions are what matter, and I need to stop hanging on to scraps of my belief in what I thought we had.

Round and round and round.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3697 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last night WH asked me if I was going to give him any spices out of the cupboard.(you know, as part of his half of the marital assets)

Lol.

When STBX moved out (not under any supervision while I was out of town), he took all the pantry items.

He left me a thing of generic canned meat (not even name brand SPAM) and a can of anchovies or sardines or something I would never ever eat.


He left my spices, thankfully, since I actually cook, and I have since refilled the pantry with stuff I actually like to eat, not SPAM.

[This message edited by littlefoggy at 1:00 PM, April 17th (Thursday)]


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 485 | Registered: Nov 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks (((nora)))
What you said about hanging on to belief made me think of something...
Could it be that a large part of that process is pride? Stubbornness?
Like, in a way: "I can't be wrong." ?

It's our belief - our belief in what we believe them to be, but still
our belief (we're fighting). Our own belief.
We're fighting ourselves it seems, doesn't it?

It then follows that if we make something, can we not un-make it? iow, the power is within ourselves.
Just thinking out loud...

I am the anti-pantry guy.
When the movers came, I said; "Pack it all." (including some perishables)
All of it went to her, where it was promptly... placed... in... storage...for months...

I was long gone before the time I had to listen to some story about finding out where 'that bad smell' was coming from.


Posts: 6423 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thought I'd share

Speaking of that bad smell....Mrs's yop just shared a story with me about by narcissist mother who happens to be at my house right now visiting for BDay/Easter.

Mrs yop and DS10 were driving home yesterday and Mrs yop said "Oh, I bet grandma will be there when we get home." He sighed and said "I don't think she likes me very much."
Mrs yop asked what he meant. DS10 said she is only interested in the girls and she only talks to him to yell at him unless they are frosting cookies.
Mrs yop said that some women just cant relate to boys. DS10 said he was happy that Mrs yop can and that he felt bad for me that I had a mother who doesn't like boys. He also said that he loves grandma, but he doesn't like to be around her a lot.

I know how you feel kiddo.

The only thing grandma likes to do is teach DD8 how to sew because that's all the narcissist wants to do.

Then when they got home... the youngest, DD3, hauled ass into the kitchen and loudly yelled "Mommy, mommy, can you make grandma brush her teef? Her bref is super stinky!!" Mrs yop said my mother's face turned beat red in the other room.


OK...now this NPD shit is starting to have an effect on my kids. Time to send grandma packin. Day of reckoning coming soon...

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 3:18 PM, April 17th (Thursday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 1821 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

littlefoggy, that photo is worth a million words! I also like jj's bad smell...

It then follows that if we make something, can we not un-make it?

This is good! I am tremendously stubborn and prideful but I hadn't thought about that motivating my need to cling to what I believed. Useful way to look at it!

((((YOP's DD10)))

Sending your family some Easter vibes! I hope you can all hang in there for this visit. Poor DD10 :( At least he is getting cookies out of it.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3697 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TheAgonyOfIt -- I recommend lectures (on CD) from The Teaching Company/The Great Courses. Your library may have them, or you might be able to get them interlibrary loan. If you want to, you can listen to lectures on human behavior, but they also have a ton on myriad interesting topics to get your mind away from this mess -- history, science, etc.

With my NPD, he also had sexual issues (he was sexually abused as a young child and as an adolescent)

He'd always tell me how we NEVER had sex, even though we had sex 1-2 times per week at least. Finally I am the one who started keeping track on a calendar to prove to him that we were having sex more than once or twice a year. But of course he claimed I was making it all up.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


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