This woman came over to my house on the 15th and had some drinks...along with another friend and sat in my house...went home and I was none the wiser.Actually yes I was because I was tired of her saying that I had such a nice guy and that I was so lucky...something inside of me told me to tell her that she better stay away from my H. She said she would never do that to me.
Something happened between 2am and 11am the next morning...my H for some reason decided to have a conscious and decided to tell me about the texts (he went to work at 5:30 am that morning)
She phoned me shortly after 11am apologizing for her behaviour the night before..at which point I blasted her about the texts he received that morning form her and asked if she was sorry about that too? Her reply was that I didn't even begin to know the truth, well then how about you tell me. She said that he has gone to see her twice.
I almost died. I hung up the phone and called his boss to tell my H that he needed to come home.
When he came home the only thing he confessed to was that he met her 2 times in a parking lot and nothing happened.
I phoned her and put it on speaker...she confessed to everything in detail and that she had nothing to loose, and that he better do the same...after about 10 mins he admitted the truth.
I work with this woman..I had to go to my boss..and he put me on a six month leave..how can I ever go back?
My poor kids. I cant eat, I cant sleep, I am a mess. Its only 3 days in...please some advice...Im drowning...
She actually thought that he was going to leave his wife and kids for her. He broke it off on Feb 10th..and did not respond to anymore texts..she became possessive and obsessed...I really don't think he knew what he was getting himself into thus why he knew he had to tell me about the texts... I don't think he thought she was going to confess to me about EVERYTHING!!
Together we are are stronger. Thank You SI friends.
I have no real advise to to offer, but I know how much it hurts. Take care of yourself OP. it will get better with time and I'm sure you will figure things out when the time is right.
My oldest is 9 and I am so thankful that he is able to pour cereal in the morning and not get milk everywhere. My youngest is 3, luckily she was wanting to watch a lot of Tom and Jerry while I was going through the worst of it. As I look back on it, my 6 year old was pretty good all things considered.
Eat what you can (I was on a piece of bread and lot of water diet). Rest as you can. Take care of yourself as best as you can. I called a cleaning service to come in and take care of the bathrooms. I would have had them do more but that crap gets expensive quick. Then they sit there and milk the time and talk in their native tongue if you are lucky. Mine sounded Russian/Romanian, unfortunately, not one of the languages I took.
This bullshit drains you. I can't honestly say it gets better yet. I believe it will. Whether that is with my WW or not is up for debate.
Get help from where you think you can get it. If your kids aren't used to chores, they look old enough to be able to start. I know mine gripes, but he also likes the rewards. So that can help out quite a bit.
I'm sure I had a couple points in there, but I am at the end of my night. I'm sorry you have to be here, but my feelings go out to you. This shit sucks, and, though it may not feel like it now, you can get through this. Your kids may not know the reason why, but I bet they'll help in any way they can.
I know it will take time, Im still in the Why me? I love my husband and he needs to change everything about him, his demeanor, his attitude...everything. I believe that he is truly remorseful, he knows he screwed up. I believe that it was weakness on his part. It definitely is an eye opening experience for both of us. He needs to figure the why's and why he couldn't come to me if he felt something was wrong instead of turning to another woman. My husband is a simple man, and not very emotional. That needs to change. I am not blaming the OW like it was all her fault. It takes 2. What I am blaming her for is that she was my friend, she was my co-worker, she picked up on something he had told her and went in for the attack. She has no remorse for what she has done and is trying to play the victim card. Everyone knows, she is the one that has to do the walk of shame at work, she doesn't even know the lives she has affected. I shouldn't have to leave my job and she have no reprocussions. I did nothing wrong, she did.
Thank you to all...it really helps knowing that I have an outlet and that I am not alone
And I did eat a little last night, and slept for about 4hrs...amazing with just a little sustenance and sleep how much clearer I feel today.
Take care of yourself in this difficult time, there is no rush to decide anything yet so just be kind to yourself. If you get really down or stop being able to sleep, go see a doctor for help. Getting support IRL is great if there is anyone you can elan ion and trust. In the meantime I hope your WH has told you all the details--TT (trickle truth) is a real killer.
So I told him that he is on a time limit. He needs to be truthful and honest even if he knows it will hurt me, I need the truth.
Tonight after our sons hockey game (FRI) he promised me that he will phone her in front of me and put the NC order in place. I am hoping he says all the things to her that my mind and heart need to hear.
Like I have said he is not an emotional person and if he couldn't find the words, to please write them down. He started that tonight and left some of the notes he wrote on the counter this morning for me to read.
He put them in bullet form. I will write it word for word.
- yelling and screaming (not all the time)
-not showing love when I touch you..all I need is even a touch back or something
-sex only on your terms I don't want it on my terms (sometimes)
-yes I enjoy you working seeing you happy
-sex with OW was easy..always there
-Affection was always there with OW
-I want and need my family back
-Text messaging was the only way we communicated..never a phone conversation
-sex was horrible (wasn't even sex) 5-10 sec
-I am an affectionate person
-I will communicate more with you
- I didn't find her attractive
-OW was there for communication
I appreciate everything you do to keep this family together
- I know it will take a long time to forgive me, and I will do what it takes to be with my family
- Never had any feeling for her
- You wanted to know "why", she told me what I needed to hear
She showed me affection (you also but not enough) I don't need it every second of everyday but a lot more.
- Love you I'll think of more today!
So what are your thoughts? Mine are that is most of what he put are selfish on his part. Not one of those things on there is something that he couldn't have come to me and talk to me about it. Maybe he was scared of the reaction I would have? Its no secret that I wear the pants..I have to..I am the glue..I am the emotional one..I am a very black and white person and tell it how it is.
Sometimes I am mean and can say hurtful things, but after 17 years he knows that I have never meant them. If I was unhappy with him I would have been the selfish one and left a long time ago. Most of the time I was unhappy with myself and he just got caught in the crossfire. I am 37 and just trying to figure it all out.
I appreciate all the imput...please tell me what you think. I will post more I promise...I need to.
Whatever problems you had in the marriage, it will never excuse your Husband's immoral, selfish betrayal of his vows. Please reject the question (however consuming it is), and do NOT let your husband create a laundry list of excuses for the inexcusable.
If he had frustrations, he could've written them down and brought to you and said, "Honey, I'm not happy with how you relate to me. Maybe you're not happy with how I relate to you, too? Write up your list and let's talk about it so we can fix this."
Reconciliation IS possible, but it will take a lot of work. And your husband may not know it, but you're the one who has a right to make a list now, not him. It should be called "You Destroyed The Marriage. If You Want to Save It, Here's What I Require of You."
Bullet #1 - Don't Ever Blame Your Decision To Screw A Tramp Coworker On Me Again.
“No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”
We're talking, I mean really talking like we haven't talked in years.
He is being open and honest even when his responses kill me. He knows what he did and is truly sorry, I believe that. I guess we were lucky that it did not continue and that the A and contact was for a very short period of time. For him it was just sex, he wanted nothing else from her.When I asked why he went over a second time he told me it was to see if the sex would be better, and it wasn't it was worse. He ended it the week before she even came over to my house (probably the reason she came over to see for herself?)He admitted to me that he didn't think she would expose everything, but the guilt was eating him up, and is glad now that she did. He was being a coward.
Complacency is where this has come about. When you are with someone for so long you tend to take the little things for granted, for both of us. I would say things or do things to him to hurt him (not deliberately) and he would do the same to me knowing that either of us would leave or CHANGE!
There was no romance, no communication, just a place of existence.
I made him call her last night, he did and told her that even if it doesn't work out between him and I that she will never contact him and he would never contact her again. And she said good, I hate you, which kind of made me chuckle.(I guess she hates him cause she didn't get what she wanted)
From all of this there has to be a silver lining here. I have to believe that. I need to believe that. Its not going to be easy, but I am willing to put in the work and so is he. There will be good days and bad days, and a lot of emotions, but I know as a united front we WILL find peace and content and continue on our journey for our beautiful two boys that deserve nothing but the best from both of us.
As I told him last night we were friends before we were lovers. Now its time to find out why we fell in love with each other in the first place and go back to the beginning.
Today is a good day...not the best because I still see the shit in my head...but its better than yesterday....tomorrow hasn't come yet....