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Newest Member: DaveVP (44299)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Pivotal moment! Advice please!
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys are right. I know it. Somewhere deep inside I know it even though I don't want it to be that way. I want him to be the good man that I married all those years ago, that I had children with, that has been my best friend, that I thought was committed to me and our marriage...

I've decided to go crickets and if he confronts me about it verbally or otherwise, I will go with C.

In the meantime, I think we should continue the rest of the list as you all have already started to do. OMG you guys are funny.

Let's see...option F anyone??

(P.s. Thanks for telling me how to quote!)


Me: BS 44
Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat
Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
Heading for Divorce
3 kids: 15,17,19

Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart, wait for The Lord.


Posts: 1699 | Registered: Aug 2013
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously, if you feel you ever have to respond to him, it should be "I'm sorry you feel that way", then walk away. Stop playing into the drama. Do you really think your kids don't know something is going on? Just stop.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19804 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once I realized that the x was not in charge and I was not intimidated by his demands I felt such a sense of freedom! Every time he would play the authoritarian " You had better not blah blah blah" I would say Kiss My Ass and hang up the phone.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1587 | Registered: Mar 2004
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

G. Master the art of a raised eyebrow, followed by a brief look of you-are-such-a-fucking-idiot. Then walk away. It would *KILL* him.


Posts: 1208 | Registered: Aug 2010
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like your plan for crickets unless he confronts you.

I also agree with NIK that these statements need to become standard parts of your interactions as appropriate:

1. That is no longer your concern.
2. I'm sorry you feel that way.
3. I'm not going to discuss that with you.
4. That's none of your business.

There is absolutely something empowering about using them. Keep it up lady!!!


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4376 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
MinorBee
♀ Member
Member # 17895
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crickets to this jagoff. Seriously.

Crickets...yes...crickets...

Did I mention CRICKETS? Yes, crickets.


Ex-Husband: diagnosed NPD: porn, hookers, swapping, swinging, EA's, PA's...if it's humanly possible he's probably done it at least once
married: 20 years, finally divorced after 5 years
DDays: which time?, OW's which one?

Posts: 457 | Registered: Jan 2008
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know laughter could be considered a civil response.
Laughter and then crickets! After all he did make a funny!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2180 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
thenon-goddess
♀ Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think maximum satisfaction would come from ignoring him and then when he does confront you saying something like "I don't know who the hell you think you are, but you don't have control over me. You have no right to know who I contact when or what we talk about. As of now you are on a need to know basis and when you need to know, I'll make sure you're served. Top of the mornin to you."

[This message edited by thenon-goddess at 10:45 PM, February 19th (Wednesday)]


Status: divorcing
Typing on an iPhone - please excuse the typos!

Posts: 1238 | Registered: Feb 2011
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are we up to, H?

Option H: "I'm sorry, that's covered by Attorney-Client Privilege. You have no right to that information."


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1545 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 1:56 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about you get a lock put on your bedroom door, move his stuff into the spare room,stop doing any chores or cooking for him,get a var, tell the children what is going on and then send him an email saying:

The Idiot,

Due to our currently separated status, please do not contact me in person or in writing to discuss anything other than finances or the children. I have moved your clothes and personal items to the spare room and I will have sole residency in the master bedroom. I will no longer be doing any chores, cooking etc on your behalf. I have no obligation to discuss my confidential legal matters with you and any further attempt to get me to disclose this information or to discuss matters not related to finances or the children will be considered to be harassment. Please also note that I may be recording any conversations between us.

Nekorb

And then crickets/"I'm sorry you feel that way"


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'


Posts: 756 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 2:14 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't read replies, but if you're at the point of having attorneys, I assumed you've filed.

You owe him nothing. I know it's easy to want to share and go through this together because it's natural as the couple you were - but at this point - it's business. You are dissolving a business. You don't need to be mean, but you also don't owe him explanations or updates.

I tried to remind myself - remember when XH was out and about cheating on you, NOT giving you explanations or updates or return calls or texts?! He's earned the same.

Ignore his ass.



Posts: 14320 | Registered: Jun 2008
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 3:12 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Being Australian I vote

I. Fuck off

But then it can be argued that we can, at times, be blunt to the point of lacking klass.

[This message edited by HurtsButImOK at 3:13 AM, February 20th (Thursday)]


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 722 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
wonderpets
♂ Member
Member # 35901
Default  Posted: 6:03 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll play!

I. I think you should ask *insert OP or relevant slut's name* her opinion".


Posts: 201 | Registered: Jun 2012
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You all are seriously funny.

I'm enjoying reading your proposed responses.

I took a baby step.

WH had also texted me saying our communication problems are why we need to separate. That we can't even agree on the separation agreement, how are we supposed to deal with the huge issues between us in our marriage.

If the text had stopped there I would have replied with something about working in ourselves in IC, rebuilding the marriage with healthy boundaries, etc, but would have reminded him that he doesn't want to work on the marriage.

However, the text didn't stop there. The last line read,"don't worry though, you will be the good guy in this separation.


Originally, and on impulse, I responded,"that's because I'm not the one who lied and cheated. But I deleted it and have opted for crickets.

Good? Yes? Am I learning?


Me: BS 44
Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat
Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
Heading for Divorce
3 kids: 15,17,19

Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart, wait for The Lord.


Posts: 1699 | Registered: Aug 2013
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And this morning I woke up to an email stating he is assuming my inheritance will be split between us since it is income.

I've contacted my attorney.


Me: BS 44
Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat
Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
Heading for Divorce
3 kids: 15,17,19

Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart, wait for The Lord.


Posts: 1699 | Registered: Aug 2013
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he is assuming my inheritance will be split between us since it is income.

Definitely check with your attorney as every state is different, but in my state it is only included as a marital asset if it was used for the benefit of the marriage in some way. If it was tucked away in your own account somewhere and never used for the benefit of your marriage it would not be included in the settlement.

This was an issue in my D. XPOS's inheritance was used for down payment on marital home, so it was a marital asset (he tried to claim it was owed back to him until I educated him), but some very valuable antiques that I inherited that sat in a cabinet were excluded and remain wholly mine.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 977 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great job on the crickets! I know how tempting it is to set him straight, but you start to realize that he knows he's wrong, he just doesn't care. And he thinks maybe if he says it enough times, it will turn into the truth

And that's one of the reasons crickets is best. You can't keep arguing with crazy. Let him think and say whatever he wants. You just keep moving forward, listen to your lawyer, and enforce your new boundaries (like NC except kids and finances).


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2005 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

K. Okay, noted. I'll tell you the next time my L and I take another step toward nailing your ass to the wall.


And yes, you're learning! Can't believe he's threatening over your inheritance. My parents are still with us (thankfully for me!) but if the money they leave to me after they go were EVER used against me in this way I cannot describe how insulted I would be. What a disgrace to the memory of someone who cared about you and wanted to provide for you, to have their bequest twisted into a shitty power play!!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3761 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nekorb, well done on the crickets

[This message edited by Softcentre at 8:56 AM, February 20th, 2014 (Thursday)]


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'


Posts: 756 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks.

L. I'll forward your demand to my L for his consideration.


Me: BS 44
Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat
Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
Heading for Divorce
3 kids: 15,17,19

Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart, wait for The Lord.


Posts: 1699 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 72
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