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Newest Member: Gladiator5 (45339)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Pivotal moment! Advice please!
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of us struggle with this. If we didn't we wouldn't need a S/D forum and probably wouldn't need SI. We all get stuck trying to figure out what happened to our WS. We all struggle to learn this new behavior. This is now a business transaction.

If you're worried about being judged as rude...I'm pretty sure miss manners would feel it was rude of him to put his dick into OW. just sayin...


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8459 | Registered: Apr 2008
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((nekorb)))
Just a fellow nice spineless BS who is trying to build up the courage to go NC, following your thread. Haven't gotten past the rude factor either although the Snake has no problem giving my mom the silent treatment starting while we were in R for a perceived affront and rudely screwed multiple OWs. Guess I just don't wanna sink to his level either

I have heard it's better to tell the kids about S/D together, but I agree it should be done ASAP with how he's acting and going NC


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're worried about being rude, but his questions are beyond rude. If someone walks up to you on the street and asks how much you weigh, do you feel rude not answering them?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ohmygosh, yes! It's the curse of being nice!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9824 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
crazynot
♀ Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 6:16 AM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um... as you know, Nekorb, lots of aspects of your situation remind me of me 5 years ago. And one of the things I regret not doing then was... OPENING MY OWN BANK ACCOUNT!!!! X


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 873 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. The spine needed some polishing.

I agree it is the curse of being nice. My therapist has said that more than once. I get hurt because I'm nice and I trust people. Isn't that how the world is *supposed* to work? People don't treat each other like crap?


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Having boundaries and expecting people to treat you with respect is not the same as treating people like crap.

If someone treats you like shit, you're not supposed to let them. Stop letting him.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you're worried about being judged as rude...I'm pretty sure miss manners would feel it was rude of him to put his dick into OW. just sayin...

My thoughts exactly. I remember in the beginning where I got a nasty email listing my faults, the initiator was me opening his mail (it was mailed to my house and I've been opening mail for us both for 15 yrs at that point). I was told it was "bad form" in his most condensing asshat way. I replied "Wow, who knew. Is it is bad form to stick your dick into a woman not married to you?" Never got an answer.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stop communicating with this controlling bastard.

Seriously, you will not start healing until you do.

You owe him NO accountability for your actions.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8844 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
bent44
♀ Member
Member # 31386
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Former nice BS here. Just wanting to weigh in with a vote for NC.

The obnoxious threat about your inheritance was just him upping the anty to try to get your attention and some/any response from you....reeks of desperation.

Believe it or not, eventually their tactics become transparent and almost humorous. Still irritating, but humorous nonetheless.

You'll be pleasantly surprised how nice a well fitting pair of bitch boots feel.

Ps- loving the humour guys...rocking it!


"If you marry a chicken, don't expect an eagle."


I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.

Update...he


Posts: 730 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*****Having boundaries and expecting people to treat you with respect is not the same as treating people like crap.
If someone treats you like shit, you're not supposed to let them. Stop letting him
*****
Write this on little stickies and put them EVERYWHERE. Repeat this over and over until it *sticks*.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8078 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
GingerAle
♀ Member
Member # 33822
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, don't answer. Don't answer at all. Do not invite him to look at your bank records. He's not an idiot, he already knows what he can/cannot do or see.


He is doing anything he can to get any sort of response from you. My STBXWH does the same thing. He wants absolutely any bit of attention he can get from me, no matter how negative or insignificant it might be.

Your STBXWH thought for sure threatening your inheritance would make you engage with him, and you would be so scared about it you would "fall in line". Don't! Keep reminding yourself that he doesn't make the laws or enforce them. He is not the judge. He has no authority over you. The other night, I wouldn't respond to my WH's threats about dragging me through the mud in court ( ), so after about 5 minutes of it he got up and said he was going to go wipe my computer clean of everything I have on there. It put a huge knot in my stomach and took a lot not to chase after him and plead with him not to. Thankfully when I checked in the morning, I saw that he wasn't able to because I made myself the admin on that computer recently so he couldn't make that type of change.

You and I are at a similar stage nekorb. And our WH's act so very much alike. The are horrible and cruel, and we have to view them as the enemy and treat them accordingly. I'm a SAHM, too. I understand how hard this is. Try to keep your focus on you and your kids and the happy future in store for all of you . ((((nekorb))))


My WH (The KISA, NPD) 6 month EA in 2010
2 other EAs in 2012 & 2013
Filed for D 7/2014


Posts: 425 | Registered: Nov 2011
Topic Posts: 72
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