In our state, there is a waiting period for a no fault divorce. I'm not waiting! The wording on the petition actually lists the statute which includes ALL the possible grounds for divorce without listing which specific one applies. STBXH's Answer disputes grounds. I'm hoping its a pro forma thing, otherwise I'm gonna subponea OW/XBFF. Not gonna let myself be put in limbo because STBXH doesn't want to be the bad guy.
But my D isn't final yet, so we'll have to wait and see.
Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous
I agree with above though, at the end of the day if you get what you feel is a fair settlement - that is all that matters. I might be filing adultery as leverage because I have plenty of proof and I want the deadbeat to fork over a portion of my prenatal costs.
Best of luck and let us know how it pans out.
I filed, citing adultery - even named OW. XH was served those papers. But when we actually settled (via mediation) my attorney advised to leave that part out (especially since cheating doesn't have an impact because we live in a no fault state and I conceded). We left it as marriage irretrievably broken. I accepted that, though I wanted it 'on the books' that XH was a big POS.
Now, 5 yrs later - who cares? No one but us (me) ever looks at the papers anyway (and that's only to verify whatever holiday we're not sure of with the kids once in a blue moon, LOL).
My opinion is - get what you need while you can. I would rather skip the semantics and take advantage of his guilt now because that fades pretty fast!
I settled for speaking my truth to anyone I choose, though. Furthermore, there are mentions here & there throughout the process that, should anyone read through it all and catch these things, will be able to add it all together and know what happened (in that there was adultery, not that he's a f-ing pervert or an abuser).
Oh, and I did slip in a reference in some evidence I submitted the phrase that a certain woman (who I named) was a romantic & sexual partner DURING OUR MARRIAGE. Yeah, I said that in a written piece of evidence that's part of the court record now.
Get your best deal. Find other ways to be truthful.
At least here, after the legal papers start building up, it no longer matters. However....
It is clear from how the court reviews documents that the initial cause for filing does make it into the minds of the judges, clerks and others.
So, for accuracy and (maybe) a glimmer of consideration, do list infidelity as the reason you file.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
@ tennis26 -
In my state it costs ALOT more to file for fault (i.e. adultery) than no fault. I'd rather have the money, and the "court of public opinion" will side with me anyway. And if you think about it, who is actually going to go down to the courthouse and read about your D? No one. That's why I'm OK with "irreconcilable differences". God knows, I know, she knows, and anyone that matters knows why I filed for D. Having it written down in the courthouse basement just isn't worth it. That's me though, do what you feel is right.
I did ask for disclosure on all monies spent on individuals he had an Intimate relationship with outside of marriage, so if anyone goes through the paperwork, they will find that. He did admit to some dollar amounts (only after the date of separation) but I know he was buying her gifts and took her to a hotel at least twice before that.
I put this in there, and I think he never saw it, I think his lawyer didn't give him that part. Plus, that part is not part of the final decree that you receive once it's final. It's a separate 'reason for the divorce' thing. I named OW outright and gave details. My lawyer typed it and filed it.
Even though it made no difference, I wanted it on file.
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley
I'm going to ask my lawyer if we can say that the reconcilable difference is "his name". Probably will never matter to anyone else, but it would make me smile.
[This message edited by WestMonroe91 at 3:03 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]