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User Topic: Personal question about orgasms
kickintheface
♀ Member
Member # 34350
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have always wondered this but never asked, and it feels so safe to ask here. So, I'm not very interested in sex, never have been. I do orgasm when I have sex, but it is not the same as when I orgasm when masturbating. I am able to orgasm within a minute on my own and it almost feels like an electrical current is sent through my entire pelvic region...it's an enjoyable feeling. The next day every muscle in my body will be sore. When I'm with my husband (or any other past partners) I don't get that same feeling at all...no electrical sensation, just a quick good feeling and then I don't want them to touch me anymore. Am I wrong that these experiences are both orgasms? Am I just better at making me orgasm than past partners?

Thanks...wow, that was embarassing!


BS-Me (37), WS-Him (36) M-12 yrs
2 innocent children
EA OW-ex fiance/Mother of his OC that is 12, just found this out.
The hardest part about walking away from someone is when you realize that no matter how slow you go, they will never run after you.

Posts: 103 | Registered: Dec 2011
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think your past partners and ex were/are not paying enough attention to your clitoris. You can ask your H to spend more time there before intercourse. Many women do not have strong orgasms or orgasms at all if there is not direct stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse. You can do this best by stimulating yourself while having intercourse, in certain positions this is easier than others. Sometimes a guy can do this for you, but they might lose their concentration at the key moment. This is a good topic to discuss w your husband so that he can help you have a better experience.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 9:31 AM, February 20th (Thursday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5834 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
TrulyReconciled
♂ Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe lay off the 220 volt BOB for awhile??? Just saying ...

[This message edited by TrulyReconciled at 9:32 AM, February 20th (Thursday)]


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21168 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are different types.

When I had my hysterectomy last year, I was thinking maybe I would not be able to anymore since I believed all O's were connected with contractions of the uterus/cervix. Now that I don't have either of these - I know that all types are not based in those regions because everything still 'works'.

I would guess what you are experiencing is both O's just coming from different stimulation (g-spot vs clitoris, etc).


Am I just better at making me orgasm than past partners?

I am right there with ya GF. I am much better with me vs others. However, I am going to work on changing this whenever I jump off this bus.

TR......pah...never!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2134 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
movingforward777
♀ Member
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think we are all better at doing it for ourselves because we know where to go and how to do things to make it feel good!
Once your partner learns what it takes you can have amazing orgasms. All it takes is being able to "direct" them to the right spot, the right pressure, the right length of time and you are away to the races!
It can bring back some fun and excitement while your partner learns what you need, so go for it!


You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4841 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Almost 50 years, ago Masters & Johnson reported that the physical aspects of O were stronger from masturbating than from coitus. I'm not sure about current research, though.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10166 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are definitely different types of O for women, and many women do not reach O during intercourse, and even more who do reach O during intercourse will tell you that it's not the same, and that it's mild.

Now here's the trick. Your partner needs to make sure you O at least one time prior to intercourse, this kind of primes the engine so to speak, and will allow you have a better O from intercourse, in addition, trying different positions so he can get deeper, and an angle that is going to hit that g spot. If he isn't hitting it then O's are not nearly as intense.

If youre not too embarrassed and really want to improve things then go to an adult store, and get a few toys, one that is designed to hit the magically, always elusive gspot, and the vibrators for clitoral stim help too. Using these while having intercourse will take your O to a new level.

I am a firm believer in good sex, makes you want more sex, and the more sex you have the better it gets. When you start to experience these great O's then you want to do it more, and your partner wants to please you more, and well it becomes a not so vicious circle.

Most of all try to make if fun.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8595 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tushnurse.....you go GF!!!!!!


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2134 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
TrulyReconciled
♂ Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he isn't hitting it then O's are not nearly as intense.

I didn't know that ...

[This message edited by TrulyReconciled at 1:26 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21168 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know this is a I free zone, but I can say that his A freed me sexually ....Kinda like I dont' have anything to loose, so I'm gonna enjoy it.

And 5 years out still going at it like a couple of kids.....


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8595 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
purplejacket4
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another thing to try is to have oral sex performed on you FIRST. Having an orgasm first loosens up all the muscles down there and "primes the pump" so to speak for intercourse. This is something I often recommend to my patients when they complain of sexual anorgasmia problems.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2213 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
kickintheface
♀ Member
Member # 34350
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the replies everyone! 220 volt BOB...HA! That was hilarious! Crazy thing is, I've never even used one before. And as far as oral goes, while I enjoy it, I get the same feeling I get through intercourse even if I orgasm from it.

Maybe it's the fact that I didn't really love the people I slept with when we started sleeping together. My best experience sexually was with my first love, who I loved so very much...no orgasm but I still consider it the best because there was love before there was sex.

Oh well, at least I know how to make me happy!


BS-Me (37), WS-Him (36) M-12 yrs
2 innocent children
EA OW-ex fiance/Mother of his OC that is 12, just found this out.
The hardest part about walking away from someone is when you realize that no matter how slow you go, they will never run after you.

Posts: 103 | Registered: Dec 2011
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please don't take offense to this based on what you are satin I would have to venture to say that you probably have never really experienced good orgasms.

If oral vs penatrive vs anything Else is at the same level for you it's time to quit focusing on love and intamacy and start focusing on screwing for good Os. Make it a challenge ands get a vibe and some lube and a gspot toy and have at it.

I used to enjoy it but never really craved it and certainly didn't get how awesome it could be until I let loose and focused on myself.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8595 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would suggest looking past the partners, the mechanics, clitoris', oral, climax first, climax last, climax slow, climax fast.

IMHO your post is all about your MIND as a sensual and sexual catalyst and/or inhibitor. Why are you so comfortable solo? And so uninterested with partners?

Fear, trust, inhibitions, shame, guilt?

I really have no idea about YOU, but your mind is where you might start.

JD


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
Topic Posts: 14

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