Well, I get a call from one of the board members today, and she apologized to me for the call-- she felt very awkward about what she was about to ask. XWH and CommandOwife now want to volunteer for the organization, and they were wondering why they haven't received any correspondence from it (you know, in over a year). I told the board member that I was the one who took the membership after the D, and XWH had to establish his own membership (um... did he really think that the membership covered CommandOwife as well?). She said that she understood and that I was listed as the primary member, so that means that I am the one who owns the membership. XWH will have to purchase his own (which is now 200.00). I also made sure to tell her that we were not on friendly terms, so I did not wish to volunteer at anything they were signed up to volunteer for.
I am so annoyed. Really? REALLY? All of sudden, once I start volunteering, now they're all interested in volunteering, and XWH thinks that he's still on the membership? I can only imagine what sort of frosty, condescending email I'm going to get from him-- he'll lie and say that he never said I could have the membership, and he'll probably say I have to buy out his half for 75.00. Hmm... maybe I should just tell him that he can take me to court on that one.
I just can't believe that he and his idiot other are getting involved. Maybe they could also join the choir that I'm a part of, and maybe she could get hired as a lunch lady at my school. Yuck. I feel like I'm being stalked. XWH never volunteers for anything, and now he wants to be all involved? I'm sure that if I weren't involved, he wouldn't be.
I don't think you need to do anything or interact with him about it. The organization already said that he's going to have to get his own membership. If he throws a fit about not being able to use your membership, too damn bad.
he'll lie and say that he never said I could have the membership, and he'll probably say I have to buy out his half for 75.00. Hmm... maybe I should just tell him that he can take me to court on that one.
Why do they even bother with this shit?
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
Personally, I think that "Go fuck yourself" is much better.
What a dolt. Honestly. The sense of entitlement never ceases to amaze me.
My opinion is that CommandOW is obsessed with you and is looking for ways to keep her glims on you at all costs. Thus, the reason she insists on being at your house - less than a 5 minute drive from hers - for all of the drop offs. What an insecure whore. If it wouldn't make you sick to your stomach, I'd tell you to start getting all nice with him and see if you can't just push her right over the edge.
Next he's gonna ask you to have a threesome while all the kids sit around the hearth, make crafts, and drink hot cocoa.
My dad replied, "He wants you back. He didn't like that you kicked him to the curb, and now he wants to do whatever he can to be a part of your life."
I hope that's not true. I have done everything I can to be as NC with them as possible. I avoided them at DS #1's concert. I don't talk to XWH unless I have to. All correspondence is in writing and on the record; we haven't talked on the phone in I can't tell you how long. You would think that this would be wonderful news for the two lovebirds. How awesome that they can get on with their "Endless Love" without some old hag ex-wife constantly throwing up roadblocks on their romantic life journey together?
But alas... methinks that life is damn boring for them, so what better way to spice things up than to triangulate our relationship? Let's get TA74 in the same room with us, and we'll get off on her hostility and dirty looks. YEAH! That'll spice up our sex life! Let's go volunteer!
I have no idea why CommandOwife would be insecure about a woman who has VANISHED from her precious husband's life so completely. I mean, if we didn't have kids, I might very well have moved despite loving where I currently am. I want NOTHING to do with them. Her insecurity would be laughable if it weren't so annoying. Get over it, honey. YOU CAN HAVE HIM. I DON'T WANT HIM BACK. EVER.
And yes, sparkysable, that's where I first saw the hot former actor. I haven't seen him since, though. *sigh*
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
It's like they are this little gang and want to see how much they can bully you. Fuck that. Ignore their pathetic attempts at stirring up drama.
They are flies that you just swat away.
My kids tell me things about XWH and CommandOwife all the time without my asking. I'm sure they do the same about me when they're at XWH's place.
It's just a little too coincidental. After all this time, and after years of living with and knowing XWH, who rarely volunteered for anything, why would they suddenly start volunteering at the exact same organization that I started volunteering in just a few months ago? At the very least, it's about their image-- perhaps one of my kids said how nice it was that I volunteered there and helped out, and they thought, "Oh, no! She looks better than we do! Let's start volunteering there as well since we never have an original thought between us and always steal TA74's ideas, and we want to make sure that we still look like The Perfect Parents."
Oh, yeah - that's right, there aren't other places for them to show up and keep the drama alive. Marriage must be getting boring for them.
I think a lot of it has to do with them trying to keep the drama triangle alive and kicking. Because without you to focus on as the evil wife/ex-wife that they have to unite together to fight against, what do they have, really? It's what binds them together.
Yes. I said this in another thread just other day about these two (I believe). They need the drama. You have to remain the bad (ex) wife. I'm sorry. You are trying to apply logic and reason to crazy. It never works. They desperately want to throw their happiness in your face AND constantly piss you off. I agree it is weird, it is annoying, but telling them off or calling them out...will just lead to gas-lighting and them saying "you are crazy and we are not doing anything wrong, you are just angry, bitter, jealous"... Keep doing what you are doing. The way to win here is to kill them with silence. Honestly at some point I think you will find them camped out on your front lawn demanding you pay attention to them. Mental.
It had been a couple of months since I had gone there and I felt I had to set the record straight. So I go there and the owners naturally come up to me to say hello and told me they were sorry for my D. It was a slow night so they sat down with me and I told them I was not D and that her and the OM were cheaters. And I also told them that the OM was M as well with 3 kids of his own. Apparently my XW had told them she and I had already D and OM was her new BF. The old man told me that they would bring my son with them at times as well, like one big happy family. Well I told the old couple what exactly had gone on and the old man seemed crushed. The old lady on the other hand was pissed. So I gave them my number and said I would keep in touch after all the legal issues were taken care of. A couple weeks later I get a call from Frank the old man and he says that I need to come in and talk. So I go and he and his W start telling me that she and OM had come back the day before. When they walked in Frank told them they were not welcomed there any longer. My XW flew into a fit and started yelling and demanding a table. The old lady heard the commotion and came out of the kitchen and drilled her a new asshole. She called her every dirty word in the book, In English and Italian I might add. She called them both disgusting people that should be ashamed of themselves. She went directly into my XW face and called her a whore for the whole restaurant to hear. Her and the OM crawled away like the lowlifes they were never to come back.
I was sitting there shaking my head when the old lady told me in her broken English "Don't worry that whore no come here no more" They told me that this was my place and I was welcome anytime. She then sat me down and insisted I eat because I was too skinny. It was probably the first meal that I could eat since D-day. And when I asked for the check I was told it was on the house.
DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs
Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.
When they walked in Frank told them they were not welcomed there any longer. My XW flew into a fit and started yelling and demanding a table. The old lady heard the commotion and came out of the kitchen and drilled her a new asshole. She called her every dirty word in the book, In English and Italian I might add. She called them both disgusting people that should be ashamed of themselves. She went directly into my XW face and called her a whore for the whole restaurant to hear. Her and the OM crawled away like the lowlifes they were never to come back.
Thanks again for the great replies to this post. FWIW, a little update:
1. There's no WAY in hell that he'll scare me away from volunteering. If he wants to volunteer, so be it. It doesn't mean we have to be in the same place on the same day. There are loads of opportunities for volunteering that don't have to cross paths with me.
2. A close GF of mine had a different take on the situation. She thinks that XWH was trying to get them to let him use my membership, and he was trying to wheedle his way in by playing nice at first: "Oh, we'd love to volunteer... by the way, I'm not getting anything in the mail about my membership lately! Could you send me some info?"
Yeah, they'll send you info when you BUY YOUR OWN. I talked to another board member about it, and she sounded really annoyed with him. She said she hoped he would understand that we can't share the membership and that the membership belongs to me as the primary owner. So, he was probably trying to save 200.00 by being sneaky. Too bad the folks at the organization aren't more gullible!