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User Topic: Tmi - Don't want to offend, but need help with this
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MB is abbreviation of masturbate.
Oh, sorry. That just didn't occur to me. That he would do this is absolutely disgusting and it still frightens me because this man has serious issues if he is prepared to do this to his wife.
he even thought it was funny because I shared the item with my mom
..and he thought that was...funny?Sohurtbyhim, I couldn't state my opinion better than this by Lovedyoumore;
That tells me he has some major unresolved anger. You may not be the origin of that anger, but you were the recipient of a major degradation. I am afraid this is more than him being able to turn off his addictions and become a loving husband. Your H has some major messed up head issues and he needs to get them worked out with somebody.

I think most of us have heard just about everything, so do not be embarrassed. That took real courage to admit. You have nothing to feel bad about. You have been a victim in real abuse and it is not your fault. Please do not confuse his kindnesses now for real change. Whether he did it once or a dozen times, he is in need of professional help, no matter what the trigger.

I agree this is serious and agree that your husband does need therapy. If I were you I wouldn't trust him without it.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just afraid to because if he still views it as funny or no big deal, I would be really hurt again.

But if you don't know, then you are simply living a lie. Don't let fear box you into things. Take back your control. I think it does matter, VERY MUCH, if this was a one time thing or a pattern of behavior. Regardless, I think he needs help. I would make it a requirement.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6493 | Registered: Jan 2011
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really think you need to talk to him about this. It is a big red flag to me that you are scared of discussing it. It sounds like a very emotionally abusive marriage. I don't think there's a connection with porn--to me it sounds like it comes out of a dark, dark emotional place where he resented you for his own messed up reasons and wanted to punish you in some sick way. No mature, balanced adult would do this. Period.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4190 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was posting and didn't see some of the other info until just now.


OMG he thought it was funny that you shared the item with your MOM!

I just don't even....

Please please please see an IC and divulge this.

This is not anything for you to be ashamed of, nor should you have to carry this burden on your shoulders.


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
really trying
♀ Member
Member # 5311
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure what it means but wanted to share that my X told me that he "peed in OW's shampoo." He thought that was so funny.

I think my X has a lot of problems but not sure which category this would fit into. He was also heavily into porn and from what I could tell his porn didn't have this stuff in it.


Me: late 40's
XH: A parasite and that might be a compliment
My S-23, Our D-15
Married 5/93 D-Day: 11/18/03
Divorced 5/19/08

The future's so bright - I got to wear shades

Plant Seeds of Kindness


Posts: 10397 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: California
TICKED OFF
♀ Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hate to say this but NOTHING surprises me anymore. NOTHING AT ALL. People are sick fucks and they will do whatever they think they need to do for whatever reason. Him doing that to you is no different that WS's going out and fucking their op, or having oral sex with them then coming home and kissing or screwing their spouse or SO. And yes, looking back my h did that many a time when he would go chew away at the whore then come back to me and have sex that night. I see no difference in what your h did. Just my thoughts on it. Sick assholes out there.

Posts: 2445 | Registered: Sep 2005
sohurtbyhim
♀ Member
Member # 33057
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH and I married young. He was one month shy of 19 and I was 21. Ironically, I thought he was so much more mature than a lot of the other guys that I knew at that time. I thought I was so lucky to have found someone like him to spend my life with.

I now realize that he probably was a mature 19 year old when we married, but I think he got "stuck" there. While he was a good provider and a good father to our children, he did not grow and mature as an adult. About 6 years before the affair, he stopped having sex with me. Just stopped. That went on for almost 2 years. I didn't know why...I didn't know if he found me unattractive, if he didn't care, etc. Finally, I approached him about it and he didn't have any explanation, but we "made up". When he started the affair, he used it as an excuse and told his gf that we hadn't had sex in two years, using what happened 6 years ago, something that I thought we had resolved, something that was his choice and his alone, and led her to believe that the two years we didn't have sex were the two years prior to the affair. Looking back now, I wonder if he was cheating on me all those years ago too even though he says he wasn't. But there are a lot of similarities to the way he was acting during the affair and the way he acted then.

Anyway, I can see the 2 year drought as a control thing. His reply when I ask him now why he did that was that I wasn't giving him the kind of sex he wanted (porn sex) so why should I get sex? I didn't even know that he was watching porn, so how was I to know what he wanted? In his defense, he did say a couple things that I probably could have/should have done, but I did feel uncomfortable and didn't want to appear to be a wh....to him.

I am so grateful for SI and all the caring people here. I am embarrassed by having this issues in my life.


Me - BS
Him - WH
Married 30 Years
D-Day #1 August 17, 2010
D-Day #2 October 19, 2010
D-Day #3 February 12, 2011

Posts: 296 | Registered: Aug 2011
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just to add another guy's voice here on top of FacePunched... this is just totally sick and wrong. The fact that he got enjoyment out of this is disturbing, to say the very least.

I agree with the others, that it would benefit you to bring this up in IC, and also the fact that he still needs help as well.

I'm so sorry you were subjected to this. I wish there were better words that I could offer. Just wanted to add my support.


Posts: 7233 | Registered: Dec 2010
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sohurtbyhim, please don't feel embarrassed. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You are the victim here - this is all on your husband.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are a couple of stories out there and it is a criminal act.
http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2011/11/luzerne_county_man_put_semen_i.html

This man could not say why he did either but a condition of his lighter sentence is mental health treatment.
Frankly, this is not "normal" especially for a older person not some punk ass kid. I would insist on a evaluation and counseling. I hope that he has never done it before or again but still clearly needs to be addressed.
Hugs ((( )))


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had something sort of similar happen and haven't told anyone either.

Right after dday, the Ex peed in my hair conditioner. Even though I'm barely awake in the morning, I noticed something weird looking about the color of the conditioner when I poured it into my hand.

Since I was sleepy, I thought it went bad and didn't use it. As the day went on I realized that conditioner doesn't go bad.

The Ex sent me a cryptic text later asking me how I liked it. I still hadn't realized he peed, but knew he had done something and threw it out. He finally admitted to it recently.

The way I look at it, there are lines normal people don't cross and once someone has crossed them, who knows what else they're capable of.

There really is no good reason or rationalization for doing something like that to someone's food. It's not normal human behavior.

Be careful.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 404 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope to God your H does not work in the food or hospitality industries.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1477 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
sohurtbyhim
♀ Member
Member # 33057
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing, Rainbows. I don't understand how anyone can do these things to another person.

Don't worry Lovedyoumore. I doubt he would do anything like that to anyone but me. WH wants everyone to LOVE him and they do because they think he is such a nice guy and I am so lucky.


Me - BS
Him - WH
Married 30 Years
D-Day #1 August 17, 2010
D-Day #2 October 19, 2010
D-Day #3 February 12, 2011

Posts: 296 | Registered: Aug 2011
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd find it hard to believe that this was a one time occurrence. I'm thinking if it was, and if he was remorseful, he'd be so deeply ashamed he'd never mention it. But to not only mention it, but purposely point out that your mother was victimized is beyond sick.

I think your H is a sadist. I'm sorry. You have nothing to be ashamed of. That act sounds incredibly abusive.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 756 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
dontknowwhyme
♂ Member
Member # 21587
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a man...If someone did that to me I would want to cut their junk off. That is the ultimate disrespect. I certainly would not want to R with someone who could do that to me and then even find humor in it.


BS 38
FWW 37 (fireandice)
Married 13 Years - Together 20
D-Day1:Jan 08 (EA OM#1)
D-Day2:8-15-08 (EA/PA OM#2)
DS12, DS9
D-Day3:11-3-10
Divorced 1-27-11
Remember, you don't drown from being thrown in the water. You drown from staying in it.

Posts: 999 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've shared here before, but now seems the appropriate time to share it again: My ex peed in my face while I slept, then laughed at me as I awoke choking, my eyes burning, not knowing what happened to me. He never told me what he did to me. He just laughed at me. I only figured it out during the divorce process when I found pictures of him peeing in other women's faces.

Your husband is a sick, sick bastard. Like mine.

And yes, porn desensitizes people. BUT, a person has to be a sick, mentally ill individual to do what your husband did (or what my ex did).


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9714 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
dontknowwhyme
♂ Member
Member # 21587
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I could watch porn 24/7 and still never have any desire to disrespect a woman in such a way. It takes a screw loose, with or without porn.


BS 38
FWW 37 (fireandice)
Married 13 Years - Together 20
D-Day1:Jan 08 (EA OM#1)
D-Day2:8-15-08 (EA/PA OM#2)
DS12, DS9
D-Day3:11-3-10
Divorced 1-27-11
Remember, you don't drown from being thrown in the water. You drown from staying in it.

Posts: 999 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
absolut
♀ Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how to state this...
You should not feel safe being alone with him.

What Rainbows said about how there are lines normal people just don't cross. Sorry I don't feel like using the quote thingy.

This is absolutely an assault.

Please talk to a therapist and really I think you should change the locks while he's at work and talk to an attorney. You might consider calling your police dept non emergency line and ask about filing charges against him.

Fwiw, ... let me preface by stating I've dated some messed up guys. ok. When I was still a teenager I had a serious boyfriend who told me, also in some lighthearted manner like it was no big deal, that one time a girl he was seeing was taking too long in a store shopping while he was waiting for her in her car. So he "jacked off and rubbed it all over her car seats" I know I must have at least had a look on my face because he re-stated "I was so angry I just decided to jack off"

This guy later in our relationship hit me right across the face in an incident he wound up "not remembering" so we couldn't even talk about that. Dangerous guy with a permanently messed up brain.

Who masturbates out of anger? What kind of a man thinks of their ejaculate as something to use to humiliate a woman?

Do not feel embarrassed. It is good that you posted about this you need support. Imo this is way worse than an affair. An assault like this points to a deviant mind that will never be normal.

I too know what it's like to be with the guy everyone thinks is mr. nicey nice. Sociopaths love to carefully manage everybody's perception of them.


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am furious for you ladies who were victims of these sick bastards.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6772 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs

I am glad you were comfortable enough here to be able to talk about it. I know getting feedback on here is tremendously no matter what the issue(s).

I don't have any advise to help. Just wanted to say I am so sorry this happened to you and to all the others who have shared their stories.

This is a horrific act (and reaction from him) - it disturbs me to the core.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2137 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Topic Posts: 54
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