Every person I have contacted on Match, either by wink or email has not responded. Every single one of them. The only contacts I'm getting are creepy old dudes, people I have nothing in common with, or people that live far away. Well, apparently Match.com has a search tool where you can do a reverse match to see what kind of guys feel that I would be a good match for them (instead of the other way around.) That explains it! 99% of them are creepy old dudes and the other 1% I am not attracted to.
This is really starting to make me feel crappy about myself and feel hopeless that I will ever love again. I try to brush it off and not care but it really wakes up all of my insecurities all over again. :(
Maybe my destiny is to be Alice from The Brady Bunch now. I'm not sure this is worth it anymore. I don't understand how anyone finds anyone on OLD. I am so completely frustrated with it.
Seriously though, OLD can be hit or miss a la "you have to kiss a lot of frogs". It's also possible that a different OLD service in your area would work better for you or you could tweak your profile.
But no one our age is flooded with emails or gets responses to every one they send. You just have to remain open and hopeful so that that's the way your profile and emails to these guys read.
Well even Alice found Sam the butcher!
Lol. I forgot about Sam the butcher! haha
I also think this is a bad time of year, just after the holidays and valentines. I've always heard this time of year is "bad" and it picks up in the Spring.
I think in on/off dating from OLD from the last 2 years, this is only the 3 guy I've agreed to see for a 3rd date. I believe it IS a numbers game.
Take a break for a week or two, clear your head, then go back on. Don't invest too much into thinking the guys will reply. Just a quick note saying "hi" and pick up something from their profile and go back about your day. I think the guys say the same thing, for every 10 they send out, there may be only 1 response? If that??
Try MeetUps too. There are several single groups MeetUps around me. Grab a single girlfriend and make her go with you
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
There was a woman who gave a TED talk on writing the perfect OLD profile. It was funny, but it made a lot of sense. Also, you may want to make sure you have a flattering profile photo. I can't tell you how many dates I went on where I decide to meet the person even though there picture did not attract me. In all cases, they were more attractive in person than the photo.
I know it sounds kind of vain and plastic, but OLD profiles are like a resume. You sell yourself without over selling yourself.
Hang in there! I am sure you will meet someone that interests you.
"I Don't Suffer From Insanity, I Rather Enjoy It". Serge A Storms
There was a woman who gave a TED talk on writing the perfect OLD profile. It was funny, but it made a lot of sense. Also, you may want to make sure you have a flattering profile photo. I can't tell you how many dates I went on where I decided to meet the person even though there picture was not at all flattering. In all cases, they were more attractive in person than the photo.
I know it sounds kind of vain and plastic, but OLD profiles are like a resume. You need to sell yourself without over selling yourself.
Go easy on yourself and don't take it so seriously. But good for you for being proactive contacting men. It's a breath of fresh air to a guy when he's noticed and contacted.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley
If that means I have to wait forever. So be it... bring on the cats! But, I won't lie. The 2nd guy that poofed, I let bother me too much....which I shouldn't have. That's where I figured out I needed to toughen my skin a little more before I was ready to do the online dating thing again. So, I gave it up. I haven't dated since August. My match profile ran out in September and I shut it down. I am too busy right now raising my daughter and getting my life straight to date....and I figure if the right guy comes along during this process....than great! I will go with it! If not....I can wait.... it may seem like forever....but a few years on your own could possibly be the best thing that ever happens to you. I have kinda enjoyed this solo time.... and its given my heart some time to heal from my past relationships and has really clarified to me what I want in a man...what I won't put up with...and helped me SEE and recognize when I fall into the same patterns of attracting the wrong type of guy....and I can steer myself clear of those train wrecks WAY before they occur!
Don't rush things. I think God has a plan for us all....and even though I've gone through A LOT of crap in the past few years..... I still refuse to give up the faith that there is someone out there ....that is meant for me. And, someday.... we will find each other.
[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 10:06 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]
ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12
Hang in there.
I joined CM and was extremely picky about who I corresponded with. Only winked at maybe 2 men, but wrote an email to one who had put me in his faves, but didn't say anything to me.
I didn't go out with any other men except that one. We emailed for a few days....very lengthy ones. He hooked me with his writing.
Spoke on the phone once, had one date and then stayed together almost a year!
He was kind, loving, supportive and every bit the gentlemen you always dream of.
Hang in there because there ARE decent men online!
I don't know if I can go back there with the same set of eyes since I got ruined with an awesome relationship my first time out of the gate.
It's been amazing for my confidence and it makes me feel good. Most importantly, it has helped me talk to people I find attractive, and to actually ask people out or get phone numbers, in real life.
And it's not like I go out socializing. I'm talking grocery store, target, everywhere. Just a thought. Maybe an antidote to the feeling that the only way people find dates is via old. Still works the old way. Fewer 'hits' but higher value.
I know I'm super defensive when my kids are around, which is almost all of the time.
I had to make an effort to learn to just be more "open" in general. I realized that I kept my head down and made little eye contact with anyone. Like it was written on my face what had happened. I hated men in general. I realized I had to change that attitude.
I do make eye contact when I can, I speak to people when I'm out walking in the morning. I try to talk to waiters/store clerks, etc. When I'm at Sbux, I try to talk to the barristers, and maybe even another customer. I just try to stay open.
OLD is very artificial, and I think it IS more of a matter of just eventually getting lucky. I do assume since I am "normal", there are other "normal" people out there.
I take long breaks when I find myself too discouraged. Just give it a few weeks and go back to see if anyone new/interesting is on.
I agree you gotta keep the kids out of it, and I'm not talking about being some 'mad men' style flirt, just being open to the world and, dare I say something so cheesy, sending out love to everbody.
Although Gomphus I have to let you in on a dirty little secret: when women go around smiling at strange men? They get ideas. The wrong kind of ideas.
All of my dating experience post-D has come from OLD. The guy I'm dating now I met that way. So it does work. But it definitely feels like you're bushwhacking through the wilderness sometimes.
I remember being much more frustrated in the beginning. Now I can let it go much faster if it doesn't work. Time, practice. Two necessary words for me in dating.
I met married men on Match and one potential but still awkward. I think it is worth a try but I would put zero worth of yourself on it.
I would try to do things that interest you and you might meet someone as a friend romantic or non romantic. That friend might know potential single people etc....
This is about you creating a life and finding a new way. Meetups are also good- try those you are interested in or places you always wanted to try. That way if you don't connect with someone you enjoy yourself.
Make sure you have 2 or 3 good pictures of yourself on the profile. Maybe consider having some professional photos taken, (just make sure they are "glamour shot" type photos--too cheesy. ) I've recently finished a book called "Confessions of the World's Worst Dater" by Bobbi Palmer and I've subscribed to her blog. Helpful hints abound!
I've been at it about 3 years now. I'm 52, am not model beautiful and have extra poundages and I'm dating quite a bit. That 1% of quality hits/successful dates seems to be about right though. I'm remaining optimistic
feels like you're bushwhacking through the wilderness sometimes.
I quit OLD after about a month - just just felt weird having my info on there, and (this was the weird part) I began to turn into a super critical, material person. I got a lot of messages so if I didn't like the sender's profile pic (including the background of the pic, e.g., cluttered kitchen, too small of a bathroom, etc) I'd just hit delete without even reading the message.
I know... awful right?
I began to feel superficial and guilty. So after I went out on a few dates with one guy but that cooled (or he poofed, if I'm being honest), I cancelled my OLD rather then begin corresponding again.
Maybe I'm just protecting myself from getting hurt again. I definitely don't have a thick skin so, even though no one was creepy or mean, I think I was always bracing myself for it.
[This message edited by PhoenixRisen at 5:55 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)]