I'm in and around day six from D-day where I finally got truth out of my wh. I have better days than before, but now I seem to be going downhill fast. When my WH decided to get himself a new love, I was in the hospital fighting for my life. I've had a chronic diases that has NO cure in site. Since I've been in remission, I have a lot of more confidence that I could make a man very happy if that's what it came down too.
So these last four days, it could be a flaire, but also the flu (almost impossible to test the difference. So I've been taking it easy, but in the meantime, MY WH is hiring women to work in his office and I have NEVER FELT SO INSECURE. iT IS very SMALL COMPANY & HE WILL BE WORKING WITH HER ALOT. To make matters worse, I'm getting ill again and it makes me want to stop fighting for my life. We see how well the worked out for me.
I have NO desire to live my life wondering if he's going to cheat again. he says he never will, but we ll know what an upstanding guy he is now. On last questions, All the months he had sex with his "it" is coming up & honestly I don't want him to touch me, HOW do I get through those months, especially my BD that he had his first sexual relationship with her 3 days later. PLEASE ANYBODY I NEEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[This message edited by cluless at 1:28 AM, February 21st (Friday)]
Status: In careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels and starting all over :-X
You are not alone in your feelings. The thoughts of not wanting to live have been in my mind as well.
I read your story, you don't mention kids (mine have been my anchor), is there family you can lean on? A friend? You said you were in MC, have you thought of IC? Has he gone to IC?
You mentioned starting the divorce papers, finish them off. If that doesn't change his tune (if that is what you still want) then the work to get started on being past him is already started.
I'm not that far after DDay, I know there are going to be a lot of hard months ahead. My plan is to come here and use IC for support and guidance.
I know my answers aren't much, and I took way too long writing it, but I wanted you to know you were heard. We are here for you.
Apparently I wrote this message on Ambien, thus the spelling errors and quite frankly I didn't make much sense.
I'm SIX MONTHS out from D-Day, he has NO control over who is going to be hired, although there are TWO women coming into that small office. There is already 1 there. I have never felt THIS insecure in my life. When I was younger, I was insecure but grew out of it and NOT like this. WH told me about a conversation he had on the elevator to a woman ABOUT my disease. I went ballistic. I told him don't use my disease to strike up conversations with ANY woman. He crossed the line with so many women (telling them personal stuff about our marriage, me, etc.) and then of course the 18 month affair.
He swears he will never hurt me again. He doesn't want to lose me. When I start to get ill, which I've spent 87% of my adult life sick, it scares the hell out of me. I was too sick to fight before and had given up on our marriage.
Am I crazy? I've been doing a lot of reading and a lot of what it says is that I'm "reacting" to my childhood traumas, basically I have PTSD. So I enrolled in a course to "rewrite my past" so I can make it through each day without honestly giving any of my childhood a thought. And when the thoughts do come to mind, they can be happier thoughts. So I thought I would straighten this out and thanks for your responses.
[This message edited by norabird at 12:47 PM, February 21st (Friday)]