So other than the have fun comments, I feel like perhaps some 2x4 might be in order. I worry that I'm going to fast, that I'm over looking flags (only 2 I caught was that he cheated but told me what he would have done different and that the X bad mouth him to kids)
And I really don't like the OLD multidating to pick the best one strategy. Can i find a guy that makes more money? Maybe. But this guy has so many shared interests and goals, I don't want him to just be Mr. Right now, aka my first post D fling.
Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo
So um yeah, too fast. You are compromising all you've learned here to hang out with this dude.
I think if I ran into another fWS, I would go so slow it would be crazy. He would have to really prove to me that he has done the hard work. He can SAY anything he wants to you, how easy it is to SAY you would do the right thing "next time"…but how has he proven he has made better decisions?
I think it sounds like he is handing you a bunch of excuses. You need to reel in your libido and start THINKING. There will be other guys.
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
I hope I am misreading that.
"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana
I've text him that I don't think I can get past his wandering. He also made a pawn (victim ) statement and i called him on that bs and told him he always has a choice. His life. His decisions. His consequences.
And yes, I did tell him he had to enforce my boundries last night. I also text him today that that request was a catch 22. If he failed, even because I was tempting him deliberately, that we would be done.
I need more practice at this dating thing. Thanks guys!
Curious -- what cutoff is "old?" And what makes an old guy creepy?
OLD stands for online Dating - not that they are physically old.
So, i get this 100% i do.
However, not all cheaters cheat again. And not all non-cheaters stay that way.
I want to give the guy props for being up front with you. Depending on how long ago it was and stuff that may have been hard for you.
Don't feel bad though if you can not get passed it. Just because a WS can change, doesn't mean that a BS can just magically trust them again. I hope that he doesn't give you flack for breaking it off though.
Wait - this was your first date with him? And you asked HIM to enforce YOUR boundaries?
So if this is true, then I think maybe you need to rethink your OWN ability to boundery. You shouldn't have to ask someone else to enforce this for you. If it is you moral code, then you need to stick to it.
including the creepy old guys and the younger cougar hunters
Trust my, my STBXH is so damn fine, he could make a Saint sin. He has even turned some hard core lesbians to consider being bisexual for a night. No lie. Gorgeous on the outside, dirty as hell and truly broken on the inside.
If you gotta get your fix, use protection, do your "thang" and move on cuz he does NOT sound like relationship material.
So I've asked him to enforce boundries, knowing that I'm going to test them.
This is beyond inappropriate and, forgive me for being blunt, emotionally immature. Your boundaries and choices are no one's responsibility but your own. You complain about victim mentality and him not taking responsibility for his choices, but that's exactly how I see this playing out when he lives up to his own agenda instead of yours. It's not his job to take care of or protect you. That's your job.
I would just suggest you ask yourself your true motives right now. It kind of sounds like you are just in the mood for some casual sex, to get some affection and attention and an ego boost, but it also sounds like you want to fast forward to a serious relationship, but it takes a long time to build a serious relationship, and it needs to come from a place where you really like this guy, enjoy his company, trust him, etc., which I think is pretty impossible after just one date (especially if he has already admitted to being a wayward).
I might suggest you just take some more "me time" and focus on yourself and your beliefs and making yourself happy and content without needing a man. Otherwise, you put way too much pressure on this guy to be everything you need and "Mr. Perfect" when you guys barely know each other. I'm just worried you will get burned if you get your hopes up too high and end up regretting having sex with him if things don't work out relationship-wise..
[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 1:45 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)]
he cheated but
cheating is because of HIM. and he still needs to own his $hit. If he mentions the X, the weather girl, his physic, his co-worker, who ever! he is blame-shifting!
Dodge this bullet!
Need to further evaluate my own boundries - check
Need to quit playing games - check
Need to get a grip on my own ego - check
looks like my to-do checklist is getting longer
Thanks again SI folks!