Anyway, I've read here a lot that there are members who rather not know all the gory details. That the deed is done and that's enough for them in order to move on, whether it's D or R. I envy those of you who choose this....once you know something, you can't unknow it so sometimes I think you're better off that way. And even if you think you're the most strong, open minded, healthy adult on the planet, there are certain details that will just burn themselves into your memory forever....and you won't be able to get rid of that pain...ever.
I'm just curious how/why those who choose not to know all the details came to that realization and do they feel that has worked for them in the R process. Obviously I can't go back myself, and my natural curiosity is just a part of me, but from more of a psychological standpoint, I was wondering what's behind that choice.
Some sexual details I have hesitated on because I don't want them to haunt our sex life. I know one thing in particular, that I can't seem to shake. Not because it is deviant, or anything, just because it is painful. I can't tell if I need more information on that one, or wish I had less. Time will tell.
I think sometimes we do pain shop, and think that knowing particular details is going to give us some kind of insight or truth in the situation. I am thinking that this may be an illusion for some of us. I say do what you feel, and don't expect that there is a right way. Not to be rude, but is there a "right" way to eat a shit sandwich? It sucks either way.
I edit, therefore I am.
As to the sex, I once asked a question and didn't like the answer and decided I don't need to know what or how they did it.....it wasn't going to help me heal but instead would hurt as the one question I did get answered stopped me from ever allowing H to do that to me again....
I think we all have to reach the level of detail we can live with and for each person, it's different and it can change. Either way, the WS has a responsibility to answer completely and truthfully when asked.
he says that he has forgotten a lot.
I get the run around when I ask, so I am cool with not knowing. I dont think he's forgotten everything, BUT I do think he is grossed out by talking about it and that's enough for me. (The fact that he is so grossed out by what he did that he cant talk about it)