I've noticed recently that during the weeks, I feel generally positive as I can be at this point. Then, the weekend comes and I revert. Last weekend it was my first V-day alone, so that kind of explains it. I honestly don't remember what happened the weekend before and the weekend before that, but I know I made plans during the week that I flaked out on because I was once again a wreck. I start having the thoughts I know I shouldn't be having, like "maybe if I told her she was pretty more often" or "maybe if we went out to dinner more" or "maybe if I did this, that, or whatever, she wouldn't have felt the need to cheat and just drop me from her life." I blame myself, I want her to give me answers, and I want her to come back. I know she won't though. I know it's not my fault deep down. It still doesn't stop the thoughts.
Dammit, I just wanted to have a good weekend for once...
Filling in spare time on the weekends is a process so taking small steps is just fine
And please don't second guess yourself. Your stxw is solely responsible for her cheating. You had nothing to do with her poor decisions and coping mechanisms.
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
If social plans are too much for you right now, make a to do list for yourself instead. Keep yourself busy - running errands, tackling a home improvement project, gathering donations for Goodwilll, cleaning out closets, etc.
Make a point of moving your body in some way - go for a walk, a run, a bike ride. Run your stairs, hit the gym, whatever the activity may be, physical exertion will get your endorphins flowing and can elevate your mood while burning off some of the negative energy.
You can do this, SH.
"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana
It gets better though. Once you start to get back to your "single self", it gets easier. I still don't like the loneliness all the time, but I'm starting to appreciate my alone time.
Just like you had to learn to live with her when you first moved in together (way easier, I know), you'll learn to live without her.
Hang in there bud.
That said everyone is different and maybe you need to wallow baby-like on the weekends for a while. Or you could set a certain number of hours this weekend for curling up like a fetus under the strict understanding that when the time elapses, you dust yourself off, get up and get going.
Anyway that's my totally contradictory commentary for the day.
As for this evening, I don't have any plans and I may take the opportunity to wallow in self pity. As for tomorrow, I'll try to make plans and stick to them. Baby steps I suppose...