But, she is still going to be my WW's friend, not mine.
I wouldn't send the letter. If they want to contact you, they will. They are her family at the end of the day. Blood is blood my friend.
I do see your point for sure. I know it would never be the case, but I was thinking what if the situation were reversed? What if it were I who stepped out on her and left her behind? I am certain my family and friends would be very disappointed in my actions despite any "reason" I may have for them, but they are still going to be in my corner even though they would feel terribly for her. If I were the family of a cheater, what good would come from me intervening on the betrayed's behalf in any way? There may be some extreme situations where there's abuse or child endangerment where you feel compelled to forget who is blood and do what's right, but my situation is not that.
So yeah, if any of those relationships with her family are sustainable, I'll find out in time if they contact me.
Something that just happened at work. I have an employee (as in reports to me) who happens to be dating my STBXW's older sister. They met through us - he's been my friend for years. I got him the job here, and only due to organizational changes and such afterwards did he become my employee. We still keep it professional and keep a good balance between personal and business. When we hang out, the boss hat comes off and we're just buddies.
Anyway, I have appreciated him just not discussing this situation. I know he knows what he needs to know. So, to get to my point finally, this sister had some trouble with mail being stolen at a previous address, so with mine and the STBXW's permission at the time, she changed her mailing address to ours. When she moved into a nicer place, she never changed it. Since shit hit the fan on D-Day, she STILL hasn't changed it. So, I have a lot of her mail, some of it important looking, in my possession still.
My buddy did not want to get in the middle, but was asked to ask me if I have kept any of the mail. The fact they would imply I would "burn it" was a little bothersome, like do they really think I'd be that childish or vindictive? At the same time, there seems to be enough implied trust that she hasn't bothered changing her mailing address (though I relayed again that she better like yesterday). At least I'm obviously not being portrayed as a total monster.
Anyway, this buddy and the sister make for a pretty volatile relationship as it is. We always joked that she was, well, crazy. I won't get into everything, but he confided that he was willing to be the mail go-between assuming they are still together after today (wouldn't be the first time they've split by any means). All of my STBBXW's sisters have had at least a short crazy streak (again, pages of stories I won't get into as this is dragging on long enough). I made a joking comment about how "I thought I got the stable one."
His reply - so did they.
"they?" I asked, thinking that was a shot at me.
"Nah man, that's not what I meant. Wasn't about you."
I could tell he wanted to change the subject, and I honestly wanted to as well, so we'll meet up for drinks after work. That said, I know what he meant - Whether or not they'll ever tell me, some of her family at least sees this for what it is. I don't know that I really need much more than that. It doesn't change my situation, but there's at least a little solace in that. I hope for my STBXW's case that they try to help her back to reality, but regardless, whats done is done, and I am slowly but surely moving on without her.