Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Cche (45068)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Letter to her family
RealityStinks
♂ Member
Member # 41457
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

those who love you won't believe her lies,those that do believe her won't be convinced by your words.

^^^^^This.

I struggle with wanting to send a similar letter. I want her family to know the truth and that I'm saddened by losing them too. But let me tell you a story that happened to me just this week.

Long story short - my best friend, her best friend, and her best friend's mother ended up in the same room together. My friend informed me of all this. I haven't spoken to WW's friend about the A, but she asked my best friend about it. Well, neither her best friend or her best friend's mother believed the story my WW was telling them. They both knew that it's been a full out A without me saying a word to her (especially now that my best friend filled in a few gaps). But, she is still going to be my WW's friend, not mine.

I wouldn't send the letter. If they want to contact you, they will. They are her family at the end of the day. Blood is blood my friend.


Posts: 414 | Registered: Nov 2013
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They feel the same about you as you feel about them, and you know that. No need to send the email to confirm to them as they are shrouded with the same losses. Writing it out for yourself is all you need to do.

There is nothing pretty about divorce but your future sure is bright.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9179 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But, she is still going to be my WW's friend, not mine.

I wouldn't send the letter. If they want to contact you, they will. They are her family at the end of the day. Blood is blood my friend.

I do see your point for sure. I know it would never be the case, but I was thinking what if the situation were reversed? What if it were I who stepped out on her and left her behind? I am certain my family and friends would be very disappointed in my actions despite any "reason" I may have for them, but they are still going to be in my corner even though they would feel terribly for her. If I were the family of a cheater, what good would come from me intervening on the betrayed's behalf in any way? There may be some extreme situations where there's abuse or child endangerment where you feel compelled to forget who is blood and do what's right, but my situation is not that.

So yeah, if any of those relationships with her family are sustainable, I'll find out in time if they contact me.

Something that just happened at work. I have an employee (as in reports to me) who happens to be dating my STBXW's older sister. They met through us - he's been my friend for years. I got him the job here, and only due to organizational changes and such afterwards did he become my employee. We still keep it professional and keep a good balance between personal and business. When we hang out, the boss hat comes off and we're just buddies.

Anyway, I have appreciated him just not discussing this situation. I know he knows what he needs to know. So, to get to my point finally, this sister had some trouble with mail being stolen at a previous address, so with mine and the STBXW's permission at the time, she changed her mailing address to ours. When she moved into a nicer place, she never changed it. Since shit hit the fan on D-Day, she STILL hasn't changed it. So, I have a lot of her mail, some of it important looking, in my possession still.

My buddy did not want to get in the middle, but was asked to ask me if I have kept any of the mail. The fact they would imply I would "burn it" was a little bothersome, like do they really think I'd be that childish or vindictive? At the same time, there seems to be enough implied trust that she hasn't bothered changing her mailing address (though I relayed again that she better like yesterday). At least I'm obviously not being portrayed as a total monster.

Anyway, this buddy and the sister make for a pretty volatile relationship as it is. We always joked that she was, well, crazy. I won't get into everything, but he confided that he was willing to be the mail go-between assuming they are still together after today (wouldn't be the first time they've split by any means). All of my STBBXW's sisters have had at least a short crazy streak (again, pages of stories I won't get into as this is dragging on long enough). I made a joking comment about how "I thought I got the stable one."

His reply - so did they.

"they?" I asked, thinking that was a shot at me.

"Nah man, that's not what I meant. Wasn't about you."

I could tell he wanted to change the subject, and I honestly wanted to as well, so we'll meet up for drinks after work. That said, I know what he meant - Whether or not they'll ever tell me, some of her family at least sees this for what it is. I don't know that I really need much more than that. It doesn't change my situation, but there's at least a little solace in that. I hope for my STBXW's case that they try to help her back to reality, but regardless, whats done is done, and I am slowly but surely moving on without her.


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1149 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is nothing pretty about divorce but your future sure is bright.

Thanks. I really do like this


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1149 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please take care of (XW), yourselves and each other, and thank you again for a wonderful 12 years.

I don't care for this sentence. I feel like it's straight out of a novel...idk...it seems dramatic or something and came off insincere to me. (Not saying it was)


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I’d avoid all discussion of STBXW. Maybe stick with you and the family:

“I wanted to reach out to let you all know how much you meant to me, and still mean to me. You’ve been a big part of my life, my family, for 12 years, and to me, you will all be family for life. I have enjoyed all of my time spent with you, and I hope that we are able to continue some form of a relationship. What is happening in my personal life was not of my choosing, but I hope it doesn’t mean that I will lose all of you as well. You’ve meant so much to me over the last several years. Thank you.

If you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to call me. To me, you’ll always be family, and I will always be available to a family member that could use a hand.”

Or something along those lines. Leave her out of it completely.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree that the letter should be strictly between you and the family. Leave STBXW out of it.

I understand your need to write this out, but who knows how you'll feel by the end of the Divorce. It's a good idea to hold onto the letter until then. You may pull it out at that time and wonder "what on earth was I thinking?" Or you may decide to send it as is.

Either way, we've all learned the hard way that blood is thicker than water. Her family may feel sorry for you and despise her actions, but in the end she's their kin, and they'll probably feel an obligation to be loyal to her.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1798 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.