Topic: help - need advice please
Member # 2958
| Posted: 9:17 AM, February 23rd (Sunday), 2014|
One new update. I determined that her girlfriend has met someone who she calls her muse. She says being with him raises questions about her current marriage. She clearly would facilitate an affair for my WS. In fact, when she mentioned this to WS, she thanked her for being non-judgmental. No doubt she would not judge WS for an A.
[This message edited by idontknow at 11:48 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)]
Posts: 506 | Registered: Dec 2003
Member # 40895
| Posted: 7:50 PM, February 23rd (Sunday), 2014|
Dealbreakers all over the place...
At what point will you look yourself in the mirror and realize you deserve better? When she's slept with another man? 3 more? 5 more?
Who cares whether or not she has been intimate with another - she has no respect for you! If she wants to live the single life, then let her. You cannot drag her back into a marriage. Why bother staying with her when there are literally millions of women elsewhere who would treat you better? Are you scared of leaving?
If adultery is not an issue where you are i would already have started the divorce process and have her served at her workplace. Expose the OM and her friend to her husband. Time to man start standing up for yourself.
Posts: 166 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 1224
| Posted: 8:05 PM, February 23rd (Sunday), 2014|
First of all, it seems that your wife has a habit of seeking extramarital relationships. Also, it seems that your wife has you figured it out pretty well. She discloses everything when you catch her, thus giving you the false sense of security that you know everything so you can start trusting her again. Once the trust has been reacquired, she starts all over again.
^^^This, he took the words right out of my mouth.
She knows how to bulls@#t you. She has no intention of changing. It is her lifestyle, these A's or inappropriate relationships or whatever, she dose not want to stop and she just waits for you to calm down and then she starts again.
I am so sorry, but there comes a point when you just have to walk away.
[This message edited by shiloe at 8:08 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)]
But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed
Posts: 586 | Registered: Mar 2003
Member # 39257
| Posted: 2:43 AM, February 24th (Monday), 2014|
Sorry but this is gonna be tough on you. 2x4 here they come!
You are letting your wife walk all over you and have been allowing this for a long time. Your wife doesn't respect you.
I bet your W have ben having A's continiously since 2010 at least.
Why do you stay? She keeps disrespecting you all the time and you let her. Your W will not stop because she is allowed to push you over time after time. She has no reason to stop because you will Always stay with her and let her do her thing.
You have no M left and have not had one since 2010. You will never have one with your current W again either. Cut your losses and file for D right now. Then meet a new woman that have no baggage of cheating in her past and be happy instead.
Posts: 105 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 35619
| Posted: 3:00 AM, February 24th (Monday), 2014|
I'm going to be very blunt.
There is no point in confronting. Your WW has shown a history of this. Your story reminds me of my own situation. After dday#1 my WW was much more protective of her laptop and passwords. Eventually I was able to gain access to email because it was already logged in (sound familiar?). At one point I was struggling with what to do next when it hit me...I had done this all before.
I confronted. Nothing changed except she got more vigilant about hiding her activities.
You have given your WW a chance for R.
She has abused that is back to wayward behavior again. You only lack the details on how far it has gone. Does the extent of the betrayal really matter when you know a betrayal has happened? Especially when she was caught before and cannot feign ignorance of the pain and devastation.
Don't confront. Act.
If you can arrange to live somewhere else then move out. Find a lawyer and prep for D. Truthfully if you do confront, considering she has shown she will not commit to true R or be completely faithful, I would not be surprised if she opts for D herself. It seems like most of the time when the WS does it again they often choose to leave the M when they're busted.
D final 8/2012
Posts: 3709 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Member # 36870
| Posted: 4:25 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014|
Oh my god I feel so sorry for you and I feel so angry at your WW and her friend as well for that matter.
I probably shouldn't be saying this on here but you would be SO much better off without her. She sounds like she is incapable of changing, and whether she has ever been faithful I really doubt.
I am so so sorry. I hope you find the strength here to get through this situation okay. Having children myself I admire you not wanting to ruin this weekend.
Thinking of you.
D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 42
Posts: 186 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: England
Member # 42104
| Posted: 8:08 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014|
Your story is truly heartbreaking. Three different affairs over the course of two different marriages, and now this?
I wouldn't bother with the confront. Here is what I would do:
1) Call the hotel that you booked reservations for and ask them to put in a bouquet of flowers on arrival.
2) Call the florist and ask him to attach a copy of the D papers along with a card and a copy of the photo with the email you took.
3) In the card write: Happy D-day #2, bitch.
4) Packing all of her crap into hefty bags and leave them out on the front porch.
So sorry that you are here again.
Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
Member # 8873
| Posted: 11:39 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014|
As kalimata said, and as I, being almost 10 yrs out now, should have done in retrospect, walk away.
My recommendation is to kick her happy arse to the curb for a minimum of at least for a couple of weeks. Let her get a grip on reality the hard way, and let you clear your head and get perspective to see if you want to continue the rest of your life with her.
If she thinks you're going to put up with this crap, she needs to realize you are not. If she's not willing to move heaven and earth to make this work, it ain't gonna ever happen. And even if she does try, it's not going to ever be the same.
At this point in your life, it's time to take care of and think about you. Life is to short to put up with this kind of bullsh!t.
"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Posts: 893 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Oklahoma
Member # 38121
| Posted: 12:41 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014|
OP, it's very painfully apparent that you keep clinging to someone who clearly doesn't care about you or the marriage.
Are you willing to completely forsake your pride to cling to this woman? Do you know how that makes you look to her? It's quite clear already that she has zero respect for you. Hell, she's even told you at times (or one time, at least) that she's done with the marriage.
You didn't leave even then. Damn, if anyone told me they were done, I'd be out of that place so damned fast he'd have to FedEx my shadow to me the next day. That's because I respect myself and won't allow anyone to degrade me or devalue me.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
You keep getting the SAME results. And that's because she knows you'll desperately cling to her like grim death no matter what she does.
And that is why she doesn't respect you at all. You look needy and desperate to her. Someone she can boss around, abuse emotionally, and cheat on over and over and over and over and you just keep coming back desperately looking for a pat on the head and a crumb of affection from her.
Until you find your pride and your self respect, this vicious cycle is never ever ever ever ever going to change.
I wish you stength and peace of mind.
Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.
Posts: 1672 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
|Topic Posts: 49|