Good things will come to you. You have MILES of healing in front of you.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!
I recommend IC, hanging with friends for social time vs. dating and reconnecting with yourself through a hobby or new pursuit.
Once you are happy alone, reached a place of indifference with your ex and have the solo life down with all it's twists and turns, perhaps then it would be time to explore dating.
Fix whatever is broken in you. Then you'll be able to make better choices.
+1. I speak from personal experience.
Once you are happy alone, reached a place of indifference with your ex and have the solo life down with all its twists and turns, perhaps then it would be time to explore dating.
Cat is right on here. Unfortunately, the first impulse is almost always to get out there and try to find another partner right away, but that usually ends in disaster.
There are quite a few people here who've had a second WS because they jumped in too quickly -- and you don't want to find yourself in a situation that's as bad as or worse than the one that brought you here. They say the first post-D breakup is often as hard as (or harder than) the A/D itself. You need to be in a good place to handle that, and you don't want to risk hurting an innocent person (which then makes you feel even worse.)
I have rarely seen anyone who was really ready to date until at least a year had elapsed from the date of final divorce -- sometimes (maybe even usually) it takes longer. Of course, we all (including myself) think that we're healed earlier, and very few people wait that long. And there can be exceptions, but they are very rare -- and many more people think they are exceptions than actually are!
I'm hitting 2 years past final D this spring, and it's only been in the past 6 months or so that I'd say I'm healed. And my healing was quicker than most due to the fact that I could go true NC with my XWH (no kids), am very secure financially, and have lucky resilient genes.
Please don't be in a rush to find someone new. Become your own best friend. You won't regret the time spent on yourself. The personal growth, new experiences, and accomplishments I've had in the past two years have been AMAZING, and there's no way I could have become the person I am today without spending my focus on my healing and growth.
There are a ton of broken people out there because most people don't listen to the advice you've been given.
Tons of hugs and good luck!
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
You never know but time is key. I also think being okay with you so your boundaries are strong.
Too soon and there is a likely chance if might be a potential broken relationship.
What you fear you bring to you not sure if that is true but change your journey to be about how YOU are gong to not settle for a broken person.
I don't want a relationship, I just want to have fun right now and make up for the last 4 years of feeling imprisoned, in so many ways. Financially, physically, emotionally, sexually, etc.
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 2:06 PM, February 26th (Wednesday)]