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Newest Member: Puddleoftears (44334)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I think I triggered at work
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We had a terrible staff meeting yesterday.

One teacher kept talking over me every time I opened my mouth. She raised her voice. She corrected my word choice (I don't have complaints, they are concerns), butted in and finally just completely doubted the nationally recognized, data supported, school system supported behavior program I have been appointed to co-chair at my school.

Besides the rudeness and the condescension, the mumbling head shaking "I just don't believe we have to DO THAT because it is (air quotes) politically supported, I'm here to educate chirren" (pinched lips, church lady face)

I stopped breathing. It was like gaslighting. She thought if she questioned ME enough the data would go away. OR that the data could be called into question. "Where did you get that? hm? I just don't know that I believe that."

I referred her to our district level chair of the program who convinced me to take on the role at my school. Repeatedly. I was done. I was shaking.

I could care less what her opinion is. But to think that her opinion becomes fact? And that everyone else in the room should accept her reality?

She also tried to act like being accepted by people within the county who have positions of "power" was somehow a shameful thing.

I don't like feeling like I need to defend myself against crazy.

Fortunately, she is only one person. She has only one (equally negative) other person who buys into her talk. I am solidly in the "clique" with everyone else. Apparently, being friendly with and accepted by your peers is cliquish.

It was awful. But at the end, I felt supported by everyone else. So a positive.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5618 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so glad you felt supported by everyone else. As horrible as it must have felt to have that woman do this to you, you have to remember that you recognized what she was doing. That's huge. You didn't buy into it, you saw her tactics for what they were.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12124 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't exactly call this a trigger--anyone would have had a reaction to this woman's ridiculous behavior.

You held your position. You were supported. You OWNED this situation. Be proud of yourself


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19822 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Inconnu (and of course Sad). I hope I am as on top of this type of behavior as you were!


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 674 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Y'all make me feel validated and stronger than I was.

I raised my voice. Had to make myself stop. I had to repeat over and over in my head that my silence did not mean I agreed with her. Because at some point there is nothing to be said.

I wanted to call her a bully... but that wasn't going to be helpful.

I didn't think of it at the time, but the whole don't get into an argument with a pig? You'll both get dirty but the pig will enjoy it.

Thanks for calling her ridiculous.

I also think the need to put it here and get even more support, to feel the reasonable people in my corner, is more proof that I still feel weak and shaken, and even a tiny bit of doubt that some part of ME is wrong.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5618 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((cg)) You did good. Don't be so hard on yourself. These kinds of situations are nerve-wracking. Maybe you didn't handle it as well as you would have liked, but next time you will, because you'll have an idea of what to expect from this woman now.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12124 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The triggers will come with people like her, they are everywhere-unfortunately. If it helps : think of her as a long lost relation to stretch.

He installed the buttons on your triggers-she (and every other person lke her) are just fishing for your buttons. You've put button protectors in place regarding stretch. Now you need to extend those protections to her and her friend. They've shown you that they need your boundaries.

I am sorry you felt triggered, but you were also shown that she doesn't believe hard evidential studies! Probably because it causes her to be responsible/accountable in some way.

You did well, I'm glad that your colleagues supported you. It sounds like they see her for what she is.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4867 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, February 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((care))))))


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4055 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, February 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What the hell, CG, who was running this meeting and allowing her to behave this way?

It's just plain rude.
Sorry she triggered you.
(((CG)))


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4564 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 9

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